Insipid life in a sad mad world

I should be writing something, since I've been very free and unoccupied.

Haven't been doing much lately. Not that I don't have things to do. But as usual, I've been procrastinating -- things that I have to do, things that I want to do, and things that I hope to do.

As a result, life has been dull and insipid.

I am actually looking forward to leaving Singapore, and to going back to London and Europe.

Not that Singapore is no good, but perhaps having been away for a year and then back again, I yearn for the freedom and independence that overseas life (and not the life here) has been able to provide me with.

Now I'm used to (and maybe prefer) doing things alone, staying alone, cooking alone, eating alone, travelling alone, studying alone, ***ing alone (whatever *** may be) etc.

Therefore, I feel uncomfortable and weird when my parents (or family) are monitoring me when I'm doing stuff.

Guess it's just the matter of getting used to people entering and exiting my life at different junctures in my life.

September is here already. My favourite season, Autumn, is nearing. It is the season of leaving again. Many people have left, and more are going off soon, including me.

Soon, it's an all new beginning. A whole new academic year ahead. Along with familiar places and familiar people come new courses, new events, new places, and new people.

And I just realised I'm always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, even though I find this to be kinda sad, kinda funny.

Well, the world you and I live in is a sad and mad one. No choice.

Enjoy Mad World by Gary Jules.

Note:
The words in bold are adapted from "The Catcher in the Rye" by J. D. Salinger.


Mad World
by Gary Jules

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world ... world
Enlarge your world
Mad world

Youthful insouciance

I was reminded of the times in Thailand by the extant scars left by mosquitoes on my legs.

Those times were happy, carefree, laidback. The Thais' youthful insouciance struck me the most. No worries at all. Nothing to think about.

Just playing with the kids. Just deciding what to cook for lunch and dinner. Just playing cards among ourselves at night. Just staring at the sapphire sky and enjoying the occasional zephyr under the blazing sun. Just sipping ice Milo in the sweltering heat. Just sitting on Tuk Tuks and Song Teows, immersing ourselves in the "electrifying" rides...

Even plain working for the villagers was enough to make us ecstatic throughout the whole stay.

This was August for me and the whole YEP team. (And of course not forgetting the months involved preparing for the expedition.)

August has come to an end. Some of us have left for UK already. Most of us are going back in September. But none of us will forget August 2004, Khon Kaen and Non Thon.

We found what we can't find in the cities (London and Singapore) in this village. This experience has motivated all of us to excel in our studies and later contribute back to society in ways we are proficient in.

Hopefully I have the chance to go to Nicaragua for a similar project next year. Or maybe another Asian country will be great as well. Now I've something to look forward to. :)

我们在爆发禽流感的泰国，
找着了医者仁心
～～YEP2004之五（完结篇）

禽流感在泰国肆虐，我们一群留学英国的本地学生仍然不畏艰险，敢敢到泰国村落做义工，向贫困落后的村民普及医学和保健知识。

我们一行17人中，只有我（和另外一位女队员）不是念医科的，却看到其他修读医科的15位队友找着了医者仁心。这趟两星期的泰国义工行，更让我们体会到医学的局限，也换来了心灵的成长、对生活的各种深切领悟、跨越国界的友谊……我们得到的远比付出的还多。

我们这群学生义工都是伦敦大学医学院新加坡留学生会（Singapore Medical Society London）的会员。今年是学会第二次把分散在英国各地的新加坡医科学生组织起来，在8月2日到15日之间，到泰国东北部的孔敬（Khon Kaen）的Non Thon村落进行社区服务。第一次是去年8月，地点是孔敬另一处的Lao Na Dee村落。

泰国自几个月前，就传来禽流感死灰复燃的消息。这无疑形成了非常严峻的威胁，家长的忧虑、村落的卫生安全，再加上泰国南部的种族暴乱等课题，都迫使一些有兴趣参加义工行的会员望而却步，一些会员则在参加后半途退出，召集会员参加此行成了一大难关。

准备到孔敬的一个星期前，禽流感的警钟更是敲得响亮。泰国在7月底证实禽流感在国内的20多个府卷土重来，包括我们要去做义工的孔敬府也遭受池鱼之殃。尽管如此，禽流感疫情的蔓延，并未使最后留下来的我们却步，反而更加坚定了我们到孔敬为村民提供医疗服务的决心。

队友陈仲仁就说：“这个突如其来的消息，并没有动摇我们到孔敬做义工的决心。家人和朋友都很支持，父母甚至对我说，如果我要吃鸡肉就尽管吃，只要鸡肉煮熟就行了。”

但是，为了安全起见，我们决定禁止整团吃鸡鸭肉。此外，领队也做足了一系列紧急措施，以应付禽流感病毒在村落传播开来的可能情况。活动的赞助者新加坡国际基金会（Singapore International Foundation）也提供了保险，以策安全。

结果，Non Thon村落并没有受到禽流感的侵袭，村民照样在住家门前养鸡养鸭，照样吃鸡吃鸭，生活如常，仿佛完全没有受到禽流感的影响。我们和村民同吃同住，终日与鸡鸭为伍，与静谧相伴，我们在城市中变得芜杂的心灵也因此得到了清修与抚慰。

和接待我们的孔敬大学公共卫生部门的大学生谈起禽流感的问题时，他们毫无忌讳，并且很坦然地表示，村民都知道禽流感在泰国的情况，也知道禽流感的危险。原来，村民对禽流感的认识，并没有我们想象中的陌生。

也就因为如此，村民老是担心禽流感也只是杯弓蛇影，于事无补，所以他们选择坦然面对，选择如常生活。这更让我们看到村民的豁达胸襟，以及积极乐观的精神。不仅如此，这也让我们体会到医学的局限，毕竟到目前为止，医学界仍未研制出供人类使用、能有效预防禽流感的疫苗。对于禽流感病毒的防范措施，我们目前能帮助村民的实在有限。

于是，我们转而向村民提供预防胆管癌（cholangiocarcinoma）、糖尿病以及口腔疾病这三种病症的知识。由于泰国村民的食物重糖重盐，糖尿病和胆管癌的患病率高居榜首。我们之前在新加坡和伦敦所准备的知识，因此全都派上了用场。

但是，令我们大家都遗憾的是，我们待在村子的时间并不长。队友符安琪就说：“我们能为村民做的虽然有限，但是我们还有很多东西可以做。尽管我们做的不多，村民看到来自远方的我们特地到村落探望他们，心中已经非常感激。我们还没有毕业，还不是合格的医生，可是他们却如此尊敬我们，把我们当医生看待，这让我非常感动。村民们坚定了我日后行医的信念。”

离开村落的时候，含着泪的村民围着我们送别，还写了一封送别信给我们，如同告知我们，我们的确为这个村落带来了改变。安琪就决定在今年12月的寒假，回到Non Thon村落探访村民，看看他们届时的生活，是否有了好转。

注～～广告时间：
这五篇一系列关于我们到泰国做义工的短文取自我为《联合早报》写的一篇报道，在这里先让你们先睹为快。报道和照片将在近日刊登，敬请留意。

在伦敦和新加坡学泰语
～～YEP2004之四

我们这团人，虽然以伦敦大学5所医学院的新加坡学生为主，却也包括来自英国其他地区的新加坡学生。我们17人当中，就有人来自剑桥大学，甚至远至位于苏格兰的格拉斯哥大学（University of Glasgow）的医学院。

由于我们的学期和考试的时间安排各自迥异，要组织集体活动实非易事，很多时候只能靠电邮进行筹备工作。如何安排共同的时间和地点学习泰语，更是难事。最后，我们好不容易达成共识，联系了伦敦一个泰国寺庙的老师，在4月的每周六到伦敦上课学习基本泰语。

除了学习日常用语，我们还必须掌握专业的医学术语，才能向村民讲解保健和医疗知识。因此，我们在6月考完试回国后，也联络上国大的一位泰国老师，用仅剩的一个月时间，向她努力学习对糖尿病和其他疾病的语言表达。时间的紧迫，让我们更加齐心协力。

和孩子们打成一片
～～YEP2004之三

除了向村民普及医学知识，我们也在白天到村落的中小学教英文，甚至到幼儿园进行粉刷工作，改善孩子们的学习环境。

起初，孩子们都对我们这群稀客很好奇。当我们为游乐场生了锈的秋千和翘翘板重新油漆时，皮包骨的孩子们都在幼儿园外延劲企踵，从远处看我们工作。后来，我们与孩子熟络了起来，跟他们踢足球、玩飞碟游戏等等，和他们完全打成一片。

孩子们能在没有玩具的简陋教室里玩得不亦乐乎，让我们明白快乐原来可以是很简单的。

孩子们的天真单纯最令我们难忘，也值得我们学习。

Photos of Belgium Uploaded


Beautiful Bruges

空闲

空闲的日子很累人，这几天过得实在清闲，不是在家里发呆，就是在市区游走。原来，没有东西做也可以是百般折腾的。

于是，今天到了 Orchard Road 走走。回来了要三个月了，还是不大认得 Orchard Road 的风景。其中，Cineleisure 的内部以及 Wisma Atria 的外部的改变最大。Paragon 也是。岛国的风景有了些许变化，但是还是很沉闷。只是普普通通的高楼大厦，并没有什么精彩可言。岛国的建筑没有 Berlin 和 Rotterdam 的精彩，或许比较能引起一点注意的是我们的 Esplanade 以及 Robertson Quay 附近的一些建筑物吧。

不过，我倒是挺期待 Duxton 的摩天组屋。好象有点看头。 期待喔……

教泰国村民新加坡体操
～～YEP2004之二

村民白天大多到田地里耕种劳作，为了让他们在辛劳了一整天后，能更有效地吸收我们要传递的保健信息，我们大多在晚上尝试以有趣的方式提供医疗知识。从轻松幽默的短剧到各种有奖问答游戏，我们用有限刚学的泰语，向村民讲解各种疾病的症状和防范措施。

其中，我们为了阐述运动对糖尿病患者的重要性时，还向村民示范了新加坡体操。没想到，村民和孩子们看着我们做体操，竟然也跟着我们动了起来，做足了15分钟的运动。看着村民起劲地学做新加坡体操，已经让我们觉得不虚此行了……

离开村落的最后一晚
～～YEP2004之一

我们离开村落的最后一晚，村长通过广播要求我们以及全村的人，到社区中心集合。我们完全不知道究竟发生了什么事。

到了社区中心，只见大厅里已经站满了大人小孩。村民们先是要求我们坐在椅子上，然后自己却站在我们面前。过后，村长讲了一些我们听不懂的泰语后，年长的村民就开始把一缕缕浸过香水的白线缠在我们的手腕上，并且口中不断喃喃祝福。

原来，这是泰国的传统缠线仪式，村民们一般只会在他们亲近的人的手腕上拴线，以祝平安幸福，吉祥如意。我们隔天就将离开村落，村民于是特地为我们举办了这样的传统送别会。我们每个人都被村民如此热情周到的接待所感动了。

很多老人家尽管行动不方便，还是为了我们这群稀客，来到社区中心见我们最后一面。他们双手合十，弯腰驼背，一一在我们的手腕上缠线，我们很多人都不禁感动哭了。我真的不晓得我们到底做了什么修得这样的荣誉。

我们虽然听不懂村民跟我们讲的是什么，但是语言障碍根本不存在。我们无须明白他们的语言，也能感受到他们的真诚。

拴在手腕上的线至少得戴上3天，因为它蕴藏着真挚的友情和良好的愿望。结果，我们回到了新加坡还迟迟不肯把线除掉……

运气

今天凌晨，我一点睡意也没有。

在电视机前，我看着张雪玲被韩国的金香美击败，心竟然沉了下去。这场球赛越打越精彩，一来一往，张雪玲连输两盘后，逐渐进入状况，虽然打得吃力，可是她的决心却是让我很钦佩的。

张雪玲输了，李佳薇对王楠的那场比赛，李佳薇当然不被看好。怎料，王楠大失水准，在比赛时根本没有发挥。我们轻松地赢了，完全靠的是运气。就好象 Ronald Susilo 苦战泰国的 Boonsak Ponsana长达49分钟的球赛，欠缺的就是运气，所以我们的 Ronald Susilo 最后败下阵来。

正如几米在《向左走，向右走》中写过的：“人生总有许多的意外，握在手里的风筝也会突然断了线。”

我很庆幸，运气一直以来都陪伴着我。

这几天没有用脑

这几天过得很清闲，没有什么用脑，真的很爽。以下尝试用脑回忆这几天发生的事：

（１）每个早上潜意识泡了咖啡，然后下午又情不自禁泡另外一杯来喝。

（２）昨天无缘无故红眼，医生莫名其妙给了我四天 MC，清醒的我却跟医生说我不用MC，医生反而莫名其妙，也不多问我为什么。

（３）今天回报馆走走，顺便拿了接下来6个月的零用钱。结果发现，伦敦年年通货膨胀，我的零用钱却和去年一样。他妈的，怎么生存啊？又得啃面包，才能省旅费去旅行。

（４）今天整天对着电脑发呆，稿只打了一行，就不知道怎样继续写下去。怎么办？我的报道已经很久没有上《联合早报，现在》封面了。

（５）精神恍惚的我刚刚又把飞回伦敦的班机挪后了。现在精神仍然恍惚的我，还没决定是否要在开学前去背包走天涯。

精神继续恍惚，真爽。

I feel so useless. I need the arms of an angel now.

Arms of an Angel
by Sarah McLachlan

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an Angel fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of an Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

Back from YEP!

天空下着绵绵细雨，飞机降落在湿滑的跑道上。

熟悉的樟宜机场很漂亮，回家的感觉真的很棒。

我们每个人带着疲惫的身躯从泰国回来了，回到太过舒适，太过安逸的新加坡。

这次到泰国东北部的 Non Thon 村落，让我想起了 "Chang & Eng" 的一些情节。

泰国爆发禽流感，我们 17 人还是不怕死，敢敢地到泰国冒险，我们照样吃鸡肉。

YEP 让我们的人生观或多或少都起了变化。

Every Singaporean youth should go to YEP!

（改天再详细分享 YEP 的点点滴滴。）

YEP

Tomorrow is the day. Finally. YEP. I'm finally going to YEP. I can't believe it. Feeling a bit surreal now. Yep!

This space will be stagnant for the next 14 days, but I'm sure there will be lots to write about when I come back from Khon Kaen, Thailand.

Sah Wah Di Khrub!

实习完了（下篇） 

以为今天是工作的最后一天，不会有什么稿要写，结果大错特错。早上 ８ 点多一踏进新闻室，就被崇文叫出去采访，后来这则新闻做了很大，有半版这么大。然后，下午又叫我出去采访另一则无聊新闻，还拍了电视。 既然是最后一天了，也就无所谓。后来，没有时间填写 payroll，evaluation form，transport claim form，结果得托人帮我交给 AA。

但是，每次实习完了，又得需要再次调整生活。再也不用每天早起，也不用每天绞尽脑汁赶稿。终于有闲暇的时间，能够做我要做的事。终于可以不要用脑，做不要用脑的事。

现在，只想找片草原，躺在辽阔的草原上，陪着马儿，牛儿，享受蓝天白云，什么都不做。世界上真的有这样一个地方，在英国的 Oxford。那是一个很漂亮的地方，冬天去的时候很冷。现在夏天，花儿应该都已经盛放，可惜我却不可能体验英国的夏天。真是可恶。

实习完了（上篇）

明天是实习的最后一天，于是今天主任买了蛋糕请我们吃，很是意外。我真的很喜欢《晚报》，这次实习的最舒服。去年在《新明》做到要死要活，主任一点表示都没有，根本没有人性。《晚报》就很不同，连新闻室的空气都比较清新。
 
不过，读书还是比较好。跑新闻很累，我做了两个月就已经有点受不了，不知道毕业后，要怎么撑六年。

Caffeine

Coffee has absolutely no effects on me since ages ago. So I've started to increase my coffee intake recently. A cup of mocha in the morning, and another cup of Nescafe after lunch have no effects at all. I still feel drowsy. I might resort to drinking shots of incredibly powerful espressos.

But I hope that I won't need to get caffeine tablets.

华初没了

华中和华初合并本来是件好事，但是合并后，校名改了，很多东西都不一样了。校歌没了，我们耀眼的四个箭头校徽没了，校名也没了。简单地说，华初没了，华初即将走入历史。

那天，投票定名后，报馆里很多校友都很激动。昨天，电视组找我访问，我马上拒绝了，结果被致颖说我一点都不爱校。情绪是复杂的，尽管只是短短两年的学习生活而已。很多人都会赞同，华初在他们的生活中占了多么重要的位置，何止三言两语能够说尽，于是拒绝访问或许是最理想的做法吧。这个星期六的校庆，同事还会追问校名的事，毕竟 270 名校友投票有多大的代表性，实在很令我们质疑。星期六，我们都会在黄城里出现。

华初没了，但至少黄城肯定会永垂不朽。

丧礼

这是我有生以来第一次去一点悲伤都没有的丧礼。之前，还在想要怎样发问，毕竟人家的家里刚死了人，应该会很伤心难过。后来，来到他的灵堂，我开了口，家属知道我是记者后，竟然对我有说有笑，还很乐意接受我的访问。原来，丧礼也可以是很开心的。

流莺

我和 Donald 和 Julius 到 Geylang 去吃螃蟹，吃完后我们特意经过流莺出没的地方。结果，是一连串的惊喜。流莺的数目比我们想象中的还多。什么类型都有。想起 Amsterdam 的红灯区，但是 Geylang 的情景还是有点闷，没什么精彩可言。Amsterdam 就精彩得很多，不过在岛国出现这么多流莺，我倒是有点意外。无论在哪里，这些流莺都是有组织的。要将她们赶尽杀绝恐怕是不可能的任务。人都是有需要的，这点无法否认。

发呆

真正有时间的时候，哪里都不想去，只想赖在家里，什么都不想做。其实，想做的东西是有的，比如看电影，到处逛逛……但是休假的时候，只想不要用脑躺在床上发呆，任由时间一分一秒地过，什么都不做。如果有蓝天白云会更好，只是最近的天气很伦敦，老是阴沉沉的。突然想念热浪岛的沙滩。想回去热浪岛发呆。有人要去吗？

＊所以，今天我在家里呆了一整天。
＊我到现在都还没有看 Spiderman 2。

Photos of Manchester and Oxford Uploaded


Old Trafford


Beautiful Oxford

手机

手机文化在本地越来越蓬勃，每个人都是机不离手。无可否认，手机已经成为我们生活不可缺少的工具，不但可以打电话，发简讯，还可以拍照，上网。当然，手机的功能不只这样。手机还可以让你看起来很忙。当你和朋友没有话讲的时候，有人一定会拿出手机，假装很忙的样子。可能是假假发简讯，或者假假打电话。人际关系要沦落到这种地步，是不是很可悲？

H.M.

Everybody is back home liao. Everybody is going to do masters. I feel really honoured (and pressurised) to have such friends. Ha. Really makes me wonder where I'll do mine (provided if I can make it first).

Met H.M. at office today as well. Feel really happy for her (and shocked as well) that she got a first class in Psych. *Whoa.* And she secured a PHD place (to do Psych) in Cambridge as well. *Whoa.* But obviously she can't do the PHD. Damn SPH refused to let her continue to do masters in Psych, so PHD wasn't even in the picture. So she'll be doing something that SPH approves of. This sux man. But the course is at Stanford, so its another story. *Whoa again*.

So I dun think I can continue with Masters in Psych as well. So what's the point of me doing Psych now? Maybe I should just start preparing for GRE, and writing my CV now.

China vs. US

Met Xinying and Leng Tuan for the first time back home in office today. Talked about Peking University, China and its education system. Our conversation made me rethink the possibility of me going to China, or more specifically PKU to do Masters. The Beijing they told me about doesn't seem to fit my memory of Beijing at all. All of a sudden, China doesn't seem appealing anymore. Perhaps, U.S. is a better choice. Or maybe Taiwan. Don't think I wanna continue to stay in London for Masters.

(I still can't imagine myself writing my CV in Chinese.)

晕头转向
 
太多事情在同一个时候发生。学习泰语，筹集旧衣物，报馆的工作，同学聚会，还有可能去香港背包的准备工作……
 
我应接不暇，晕头转向。
 
好像回到以前在 JC 的日子。

功亏一篑
 
今天下午去外面采访，作电视和平面新闻，花了 40 分钟采访完毕，回到报馆把第一篇电视稿，还有第二篇平面稿写完，然后把电视稿交给电视组的禄艺，把平面稿交给崇文。之后就是等禄艺审阅之后，再去剪辑室剪片。本来是找慧敏做 voice over，可是她跑去化妆准备报新闻，然后找啊找，等啊等，最后找了秀琴做了 voice over，也找到了剪片师和我一起剪片。进入剪辑室之后，才赫然发现录像带子坏了，根本没有办法补救。换句话说，功亏一篑。
 
不过，还好还有平面的报道，否则我真的要去撞墙。
 
（真的有点不好意思浪费这么多人的时间。）

第二个家

前天我交了辞职信，乐了一会儿，但有点舍不得。这次实习学的最多，但是要学的还有很多很多。其实，我不介意作到八月底，甚至九月初，但是我得离开两星期到泰国去，而人事部因为行政的问题也不答应。《晚报》真的有家的感觉，不像《新明》。每次采访回报馆写稿，都会不自觉地说“到家了”。不只我一个人这么说。我也从来没有看过这么好的主任，文学在周末时总会提早让我们下班，有时早至下午三点半，说：“没有东西，就回家啦，待在报馆作么？”

我想如果真的去不了《早报》，《晚报》也不错。至少到目前为止我是这么想的。

还有多十天的工作咯！

Thai

We are not only learning Basic Thai, but also professional medical terms in Thai as well. Today is our 2nd lesson in Singapore, not much time left to master the language, though we are supposed to already have 3 lessons in London. And I always forget what I learnt. Don't think the Thai villagers will ever understand me. It isn't easy, but we aren't giving up. :)

抵制《联合晚报》大行动

这个《玻璃圈》系列报道引起的反响实在不小。很多读者拨打热线，也有读者电邮我们。甚至其他报纸，例如 The New Paper 也说我们很大胆（他们今天自己也写了一篇关于同志教堂的新闻）。我们始终没有公布我们记者的身份，本来是要放 by-line 的，后来想到后续结果可能会很严重，所以临时不放 by-line 了，主任也下了命令说任何人都不可以透露我们两个人的身份，公布之后我们肯定会被同志围殴。结果，后果真的比我们想象的还厉害。网上甚至出现了抵制《联合晚报》大行动，可见我国的同志社群实在不小。我也没有想到会有这么多同志会买/看华文报，甚至用华文提出反驳的言论。新闻见报以后，已经有这么大的反响，但是我想还会有更出乎意料的后续发展等着我们。

I wanna...

...watch "Spiderman 2" and many other movies.
...meet up with people I haven't seen for a year.
...talk to people I haven't talked to for the past year.
...visit places in my country that I haven't been for a year.
...eat local food that I haven't had the chance to eat even though I am back for 5 weeks already.
...go to Kinokuniya and sit there for one whole day.
...drink a cup of cappucino at Coffee Club in a lazy afternoon.
...go to East Coast Park and see the sunrise.
...try the reverse bungee jumping at Clarke Quay.
...go on a photography night tour again.
...go to Equinox and stare at my country's night scenery again.
...go up to Benjamin Sheares Bridge and sleep there again.
...lie on the road in front of Supreme Court again.
...go backpacking again.

BUT I have neither time nor energy. Have you?

Yesterday

We almost got into Equinox's New Asia Bar. It's a high class bar so no outside food is allowed. Wanted to celebrate TS's birthday there, so naturally we brought a cake with us. The waitress saw the cake and said to us, "You can't eat outside food inside the bar. You can sing the birthday song, blow the candles, cut the cake, but you cannot eat the cake." How nice...

So we moved to Esplanade's Max Brenner's Chocolote Bar. The same thing happened there, and the waitress added, "You have to pay 10 bucks to eat your cake here." Fabulous...

So this is Singapore's high-class customer service.

同性恋

我想现在新加坡的同性恋者一定很讨厌我们。

我们把他们逼上了绝路，连他们最后的私人空间也被我们揭发了。

那系列报道从昨天开始已经陆续推出了，满足感颇大，还有几篇在酝酿中。

在采访这则新闻之前，我们根本不知道这些专给男同性恋者的纵欲场所的存在。

这些场所如雨后春笋般地出现，已经说明了本地的同性恋者已经渐渐走出衣柜，不再躲藏起来。

但是，新加坡的社会还是相当保守的，同性恋者在本地的空间小之又小。他们只能在表面上是“健身房”或者“spa”的场所，在黑暗中满足自己和正常人不同的性欲。

以前他们在东海岸胡搞(现在好像还是)，两年前他们转到 Bugis 附近的坟场狂欢，最近又再转移阵地，到舒适豪华甚至高级的纵欲场所胡搞。

无论如何，我国明显地已经开始放宽同志空间了。政府也说了，男同志也能担任政府要职，根本就是默默承认他们的存在。

所以，警方会不会取缔这些场所，我认为是个很大的问号，毕竟几年前听说有取缔行动，但最后则不了了之。

事情会怎样发展，我们等着瞧。

(有空会在这里分享我们采访时的“艳遇”。)

喝醉了

昨天晚上，我喝酒喝醉了。真的醉了。(我现在还有一点醉意。)

生平第一次喝醉。我并没有呕吐，醉的感觉反而很好。(Donald 吐了好几次，不过他还说醉了很爽。)

原来，喝酒真的能够消愁，越喝越过瘾，视线开始模糊不清，头脑开始发热，走路歪歪斜斜，神志不清，说话语无伦次。

最后我们不省人事，在东海岸的沙滩上睡着了。本来还想看日出的，不过，醒来的时候，太阳已经升起来了。

这次喝醉纯粹是意外中事。

昨天晚上和 JC 的朋友在 Far East Square 吃晚餐后，已经在回家的路途中，然后在 Bedok 巴士转换站接到 Donald 的简讯，问我要不要立刻去 Esplanade 的Harry's Bar 喝酒。他从来没有这样 last minute 约我出去的习惯，更何况当时已经是晚上11点半了。所以，我100% 肯定有不对劲的事了。

我是很累，工作了一整天，实在想回家睡觉。不过，我清楚地知道这个临时的约会，我是得赴的。

结果，我回家洗把脸后，又溜出家门，搭 taxi 到 Esplanade。最后到处都很多人，Embargo 满座，Equinox 排长龙。於是，我们决定搭 taxi 到东海岸。

已经做好这样的准备，我带了一瓶1000公升的 Absolut Mandrin，说我们两人今晚一人喝一半。结果，Vodka 里头的 40%酒精很快流入我们的血液中。在这之前，我们也在一间 pub 里各自喝了一杯鸡尾酒。

酒瓶还没有来得及喝空，酒精的作用马上来袭。实在 high。

然后，我们聊啊聊，聊到我们在不知不觉中昏迷了。他心中该发泄的都发泄出来了，我也已经算了尽了朋友的责任吧。

老实说，我不介意再醉多一次。


*很多事情在这世界上是没有对或错的。
*很多表面上看起来很正常的人或许都有他们心酸的故事。
*家家都有本难念的经。

那条新闻

那则新闻本来是说好昨天推出的，结果发现有些东西必须重写，因为那则新闻的影响力比我们想像中的实在还要大。昨天午餐时，和总编辑们谈起那则新闻，大家的第一个反应是“哇”，“作这则新闻，你一定会永远记得，毕生难忘。”的确，我从来没有作过这样有挑战性的新闻，这样难处理，这样难写的新闻，因为它牵涉的课题太广泛，牵涉政府的立场，牵涉报馆的立场，牵涉整个新加坡的社会风气，而且非常敏感，好比写跟宗教有关的新闻一样。我们现在头都很大，只写了整个系列的一半而已。不过，我真的很珍惜这样的机会，根本是千载难逢，更何况我现在只是个实习生而已。

昨天两则

(1)　《早报周刊》

《早报现在》不久前推出《爆米花》，《早报体育》则在上个月刚刚改革。现在星期天的《早报周刊》也要改革了。改来改去很明显是要吸引年轻人阅读《早报》。昨天和林任君、萧作鸣、杜南发、许仁好等总编辑吃午饭，当然没有什么好事。他们拿了两种新的《早报周刊》设计和样本，要我们发表意见。我们看了，意见不一。新的设计很杂志，翻阅内容好像在看《星期五周报》，有人甚至说它像shopping guide。如果真的这样推出，我肯定现有的读者群将全部消失。有时候，一直改良会越改越“凉”。

(2)　狗血淋头

昨天下午，去采访一则新闻，结果不但碰壁，还被骂到狗血淋头，现在想起来觉得很啼笑皆非。当事人不肯接受访问，直截了当跟我说：“I have no comments.”好的，不肯接受访问，我不能强迫她。当然，我们也不能这样回去交差，於是摄影同事就继续拍录像。女当事人就急急忙忙从房间里跑了出来，找我谈判。双方对峙，不肯让步。她骂一句，我顶回一句，摄影同事继续拍录像。她说什么：“你没有权力拍我的地方！我认识很多律师！我要告你！”我们在她的地盘外拍摄，所以我们并没有错，但是她霹雳扒拉了许久，我受不了，於是决定离开现场。之后，她对我们说：“你们三个大男人（我，摄影同事，还有司机），哪里可以欺负我一个女人！？”我心里暗骂：“臭女人，去死吧！我不稀罕你这则小新闻。”

广告

老总说要把那则新闻发展成系列，我们觉得有点夸张。也好啦，现在开始把在虎穴里面看到听到的一切，写出来，心理终於可以平衡一点。明皇叫我赶快找个女朋友，心理或许会恢复得更快。我一笑置之。怎么说，我也是读心理学的叻，还用别人教？

(打广告：我们的这个独家报道，暂定这个星期三出版系列的第一篇，敬请留意。)

三心二意

跟老爸老妈讲我打算在八月底回英国，他们非常自然地反对。反对的原因当然很简单。好的，我让步，暂定九月初飞回欧洲，不等 MAF 了。后来又想，我的母校明年将走入历史，华初没了，MAF 可能也因为如此而不办下去了吧？于是，又三心二意……

咳，不管这么多了，有缘的话，MAF 那晚，我会在黄城里出现。

分秒必争

今天在截稿时间的前几分钟，被主任叫出去采访后港停电的事故，真正体验到时间的紧迫性。既然已经要截稿了，也没时间回报馆写，只能通过电话报回去，由同事代写。结果，只有我们有这条新闻，《新明》并没有。哈！（对了，三家华文报表面上看起来是好朋友，但其实我们都是不和的，尤其是《晚报》和《新明》。）

我喜欢这样突发的刺激。

街访和新加坡人

我很讨厌在新加坡做街边访问，因为：
（1）新加坡人一点礼貌都没有。
（2）新加坡人一点也不友善。
（3）新加坡人一点也不会讲话。
（4）新加坡人一点也不敢讲话。
（5）新加坡人一看到记者，就会 siam 到一边。

P.S.
＊伦敦人则完全相反。我并没有夸张。
＊我们花了好长的一段时间才在大巴窑访到 8 个人。

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Psychologists have been studying the existence of engrams or memory traces, meaning that if they do exist, selected bits of memory can be erased. I myself do not believe in engrams, and hence I do not think that memory can be obliterated. But then again, experiments on animals and even human beings have shown that memory can be erased, which in turn suggest the existence of engrams.

On the other hand, memory can be implanted artificially through hypnosis and reconstructive or constructive memory. So, this again supports the possibility of the existence of engrams. In short, current research on engrams is still at a preliminary stage though such research has been conducted for decades.

Anyway, this is a great movie. I am glad that I didn't miss it.

抓流莺

我们在熙熙攘攘的人群中，马上认出流莺。不止一个，而是很多个。我们等了将近两个小时，还是没有亲眼目睹她们当众拉客。原来，要在大庭广众招徕生意，出卖肉体，也不是一份简单的工作。报道频频见报和上电视，她们还敢敢一直出现。生活沦陷到要出卖身体这种地步，她们也算是值得同情的一群人。

生命是廉宜的，肉体也是廉宜的。

几米语录

两个多星期以来，面对太多的死亡，我现在须要的是，一点点喘息的空间。

“亲爱的小孩：

曾经我也像你一样，抬头仰望一片新叶、看一朵飘过的云，就会觉得快乐。

曾经我也能静静地站在树下，听风翻舞树林、小鸟鸣唱，就会觉得感动。

昨天我在公园里学你，听鸟唱风吹，看绿叶云飘，竟觉得十分地萧索无趣。

我感到微微地震撼，心情郁闷地走进一家高级餐厅，点了昂贵的餐，还喝了红酒。后来，我态度倨傲地抱怨鱼子酱不新鲜、指责牛排不够嫩……其实我只是借故发挥，舒缓我躁郁难平的情绪……我一直很懊恼，我怎么会变得如此可憎呢？

我嫉妒你，痛心哀悼我逝去的。


大花证券 王董 四月六日”


摘自几米的《我只能为你画一张小卡片》

A rather exciting day and a couple of FIRSTS today:

(1) Concealed my identity and went into the den alone to satisfy my curiosity. Reports should be out on the papers soon. I'm glad nothing happened to me. I'm proud of myself. Ha.

(2) Went undercover and called a prostitue to get some data. They are really careful after the series of reports recently. Disgusted.

(3) Saw blood stains for the first time, when handling an accident in which an unknown male fell to his death from an HDB apartment.

In the end...

In the end, after serious contemplation,
we did not go in.
But due to my immense curiosity,
I think I am going in alone tomorrow.

死亡和记者

原来，我并非完全冷血。

昨天得知有同事自杀死去的事，给了我不小的震撼。

我并不认识她，怎么想也想不明白为什么一个年龄还不到 30 岁的学姐（她是我的圣公会学姐，也是报馆海外奖学金得主）会选择这种方式，突然离开。8 年的 bond 都好象还没有满。

我已经不是第一次知道有报馆的人自杀了，前几年也有一个 Straits Times 的 scholar 自杀。

自己的背景和他们差不多，就理所当然地开始胡思乱想。

记者的生活是很 stressful 的，这点无可否认。昨天，又有同事跟我说，你在报馆工作一天所见的世面，等于你同辈的人做其他工作的三倍。换句话说，做记者比同辈做其他工作，会“老”、“成熟”得更快。这是好，还是坏？

选择自杀，是因为做记者让他们看破了什么吗？我不晓得。

或许，正如村上春树在《挪威的森林》里说：“死不是生的对极，而是潜伏在我们的生之中。”……“在生的正中央，一切的一切都绕着死为中心而旋转着。”把死亡当成是家常便饭，生活或许会好过一些。

Tonight's the night

昨天和今天的天气都有点阴，想起伦敦的天气，也就是这样阴的，好象要下雨，却迟迟没有下。而且，岛国开始刮起微风，但是风却是热的，怎样也没有办法在 30 多度的空气中，感觉清凉。伦敦的风是超大的，大到有一次在大街上几乎被风吹走，很是清爽。

Tonight's the night，我们在今晚和明晚行动。每次出门都会在最意想不到的时间和地方碰到熟人，像昨天竟然在 Expo 的 Dreamcars Asia Motorshow 2004，碰到心萍。岛国很小。

如果你今天和明天在大街上看到我，请假装不认识我。

昨天三则

（1）

昨天早上，去了勿洛水池路的湿巴刹采访。巴刹凌晨被火神光顾，很多摊位被烧毁。对我而言，这只不过是另一次普普通通的火患罢了，又没有人命伤亡，我想我真的已经 desensitise 了。

（2）

昨天下午，我和明皇在城市中寻觅兜转，为即将执行的任务做准备，后来碰到一位实在让我们俩都差点作呕的人。我想，岛国的确是小，但是什么样的人都有。很多表面上看起来很保守的人事物，其实都另有乾坤。欲知我们的任务会有什么收获，请留意《联合晚报》（以任务的困难度而言，这则新闻应该很难上电视吧，因为拍照已经是很大的问题了，更别说录影）。

（3）

昨天晚上在滨海南吃火锅汗流浃背的时候是很爽，过后是满身汗臭味，自己都受不了。岛国的天气让我又爱又恨。此时此刻的天气很 London。

Recee

We went to recee today. Utterly disgusted even before stepping in. Scared.

突然间

突然间，很累。
什么都不想做。
只想，
一觉不醒。

（岛国的空气让我窒息，我正在认真考虑，是否要提前在 8 月飞回欧洲。）

今天，我的眼睛湿了。

今天早上在验尸房向棺材佬询问今天的情况，以为没有什么特别的新闻。直到要离开为止，才碰上这家人来领认尸体。父亲在昨天父亲节携带两个年仅 13 和 14 岁的儿子，到咖啡店吃饭，庆祝父亲节。怎知，儿子去点菜回来后，发现父亲突然倒卧在地上，暴毙死了。

访问孩子，孩子哭了。

孩子年少无知，显然不知道日后的日子会很苦。

小儿子说：“昨天是父亲节，我起身后看到爸爸，还跟爸爸说‘父亲节快乐’，没想到爸爸不久后就去世了……”

我的眼睛在验尸房外，也湿了。（湿了一点点。）

第一次，因为工作，湿了。

The Lion's Den

My job is getting more and more exciting. This is the first piece of news story that I am actually getting excited about. I will be concealing my identity as a journalist and entering the lion's den. I'm really glad that the supervisor is giving me such a great chance. Can't reveal any more details now. Shall update more when my mission is accomplished. :)

(Obviously I'm not doing this alone.)

红山谋杀案

我们很幸运，死者的前妻出奇的合作。我也出奇的冷静，我想经验极为丰富的同事一定以为我是冷血的。或许因为，这不是我第一次碰上谋杀案。去年也处理过国大讲师谋杀案，通过自己的联络网，联络上嫌凶的同事，帮《新明》找到了独家新闻。

做这一行，人缘很重要。

Off Day

Finally free today for a trip downtown. Orchard Road has changed a bit here and there. Watched "The Day After Tomorrow". Went to my beloved Kinokuniya. Bought three 几米's books at one go. :)

(A murder just happened, tomorrow will be an exciting day.)

意外记者

今天一天内跑了四个地方：mortuary、Sengkang、Sembawang，还有 Bishan Junction 8，全都是意外。我们第一个问的问题就是：“有没有人死掉（或者受伤）？”是冷酷，是无情，习惯就好。要问这样的问题实在不容易。

其中印象最深刻的是，采访一名 14 岁男孩去年圣诞节被一名年仅 16 岁的青年泼汽油，然后点火导致全身烧伤，看到他，满身都是伤，很是心酸，毕竟只不过是个 14 岁的年轻小伙子。

现在才发现，原来，意外记者才是最厉害的，开始对《晚报》和《新明》的记者另眼相看。

（今天有了两个第一：第一个 by-line 上电视，还有第一个 by-line 见报，虽然我得承认我的部分做的不多。 ）

冷血

今天下午采访了一个 74 岁患有重病，左眼瞎的老婆婆。她述说她与女儿失散，还有被女儿骗，还有离婚又与人同居的故事时，是一把鼻涕一把眼泪的。我们问着听着，她哭得越伤心，平面和电视摄影记者拍得越起劲。后来，我们发现她的故事并不很有震撼力，只能做平面报道，不能上优频道。新闻就是这样现实，这样残酷。我想我没有必要学习如何不让情绪影响工作，因为经过几次的实习，我肯定即使对方哭到有多惨，我也能在访问时，挖完所有资料也不会有丝毫的感情。当然，访问完后，那是另一回事。

（我的第一个 by-line 应该会在这几天见报。）

NS

NS 无缘无故缩短了半年，我感觉我好象浪费了一年的青春。

晚报

回报馆也是超现实的。有些人还在，有些人退休了，有些人跳到新传媒，有些是新面孔。Newsroom 则没有多大变化。今天第一天没有写到任何字，没有译到任何篇章，简单的来说，完全没有用到脑。不过，我知道这样闲空的日子只有今天而已。现在开始期待日后可能将面对的惊险和刺激，比如明天去警方记者会，还有后天去 mortuary （验尸房）。

Euro cup

我就知道主任会问我有没有看足球，所以为了避免招惹不必要的额外负担，我跟他说只要是 sports 我都不看。这样就轻易逃过晚上追球，隔天早上赶稿的痛苦。不过，England 对垒 France，的确有点可惜。Portugal 那场也是。

领成绩

刚刚打电话回伦敦询问第一年的 provisional 考试成绩是不期望会听到什么好消息的，毕竟知道自己今年不很努力。结果，从电话的另一端却传来 "all courses average 1st class"。有点莫名其妙。或许是自己听错。一个月后等正式的 transcript 来再说吧。

七天后，
在恢复和失去自由的边缘游走……

整整七天了，还是无法适应岛国的天气。很难理解过去的 20 年我是怎样挨过的。一天冲三次凉的作用并不很大。潮湿的空气让我只想待在家里，哪里都不想去。结果，去的地方真的并不多（只去了中央医院、新达城、淡滨尼、Bugis 等），遇见的人也不多，但却足以给我一波又一波的震荡，比如我根本认不得淡滨尼的种种（太多变化了）。

而明天就要正式上班了，希望在上班时间（问题是我有所谓的上班时间吗？）能顺便（偷懒）游走岛国。这或许是做记者的一个好处吧。

长大

入院了，也好。
生平第一次办入院手续，21 一到，就被社会赐予权力，可以在任何白纸黑字上，签
下自己的大名。
而且，还缴交了定金。原来，在岛国生病需要非常有钱才行。
过了 21 ，忽然间，很多负担理所当然地落在身上。太快。
再不想，也不能扭转我过了 21 的事实。

（今天在医院待了一整天，很累，明天还得去。）

Not looking forward

I'm definitely not looking forward to going to the hospital later this morning...

回国后

回国真的有种超现实的感觉。一切很熟悉，却仿佛跟自己毫无瓜葛。有些东西没变。有些东西看起来没变，其实却在我离开的 9 个月中缓缓地在变，不很明显，但还是变了。有些东西则是全新的，从来没看过，象我家附近的几座公寓。

（一）首次出门

昨天首次出门到市区 (Bugis)，是心惊胆跳的。怕出门，因为我真的忘记怎样搭巴士和地铁，怎样用 ezlink。甚至提款时，也忘记原来这里的密码是六个号码，而不是伦敦的四个号码。但是，岛国的交通费还真的很便宜。

（二）手提电话

这个玩意儿这里叫做 handphone（在伦敦叫做 mobile），而且岛国的人还是很喜欢发 SMS（在伦敦叫做 text）。我已经有一段时间没用简讯，习惯直接打电话，比较快，且直接。实在懒得浪费时间输入简讯。

（三）Incredibly Irritated

看到的很多东西让我很不顺眼，也不顺耳。一走出列车，就在地铁月台上，听到“拜六礼拜，会不会开”，实在想揍唱的人（是李国煌吗？）。又不是很悦耳，却到处都可听到。很烦。当然，我可以选择听而不闻。

还有，或许要在自动扶梯 "Please Keep Left" 的牌子上，加上 "Offenders, Fine $1000"，岛国的人才会乖乖守秩序。国人依旧被动。

（四）天气

前几天，岛国的白云蓝天确实很漂亮，但空气还是很潮湿。还没适应，只能一天冲三次凉，忍受潮湿的空气。伦敦的天气则是天天 gloomy and dreary，但温度很舒服。没有一个地方是十全十美的。

（五）大雨

很久没有看到像现在这样的大雨滂沱。很久没有听到打雷，很久没有看到闪电。伦敦是没有 thunderstorm 的，所以现在感觉很爽。

（六）Jetlag

已经三天了，以为已经摆脱 jetlag 的蹂躏，却仍然和它纠缠不清。或许还需要多几天的时间。

（我现在很想坐在 Takashimaya 的 Coffee Club 一整个下午，喝杯 cappucino，看几米的书，还有看街上的岛国人。）

Adapting

I'm slowly adapting to the temperatures now. Still suffocating though. Went out to get some stuff settled and perspired like mad. Don't think I'm stepping out of my house these few days. Rejected a primary school gathering tonight (Sorry! I'm still suffering from jetlag. Next time bah!)

(My luggage has been found after 36 hours. Finally.)

写在 SQ319 上，还有之后

（一）

心不在焉看了 《21 Grams》 和《魔幻厨房》，结果看到不知道戏在演些什么。或许也是因为昏昏欲睡，只睡了一个小时，然后逼自己醒来试图调整生理时钟。

昨天，到达 Heathrow 看到飞机上的那红白星月国旗，还真的兴奋了好一会儿。还有，终於在九个月后首次听到有人（当然是新加坡人）正确地念出我的 surname，暗自爽了几分钟。现在听孙燕姿的“The Moment”专辑，还有 3 小时 44 分钟，3231 公里，已经飞了大概 7600 公里。

在印度上空
新加坡时间：1018
伦敦时间：0318
当地时间：0748

（二）

反复听孙燕姿，我在飞机上，哭了。

在 Bay of Bengal 上空
新加坡时间：1059
伦敦时间：0359
当地时间：0729

（三）

飞机从 Phuket 一路颠簸到 Langkawi ，跳了好几次，跟我一样兴奋，还有一小时。

新加坡时间：1302
伦敦时间：0602
当地时间：1302
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

然后入境后，check-in 的行李不见了，他妈的。现在一点心情都没有，请别惹我。Jetlag 来了，我现在要睡觉。他妈的。

我回来了。I'm back.

倒数 0
～～回家之前（十二，完结篇）

多几分钟就要前往 Heathrow，倒数即将结束。

房间已经空了，和刚到时完全没有两样，住了九个月后，仿佛没有留下任何我的足迹。

跟这里的人的感情不深，这次的离开好象最容易。

其实，早在两天前就已经在互联网上 check-in。可以做的都做了。只担心行李会超过 30 公斤。

13 个小时困在空中，我还是很难相信自己一个人上次是怎么挨过的。

所以，这次已经决定在 SQ 319 上要看什么电影，要玩什么游戏，要喝什么饮料，要坐哪个位置，要读什么书。

这样一来，13 小时或许会过得快一些。

（倒数不好玩，明年回来时不玩了。）

REVERSE CULTURE SHOCK: The Last and Fifth Stage of CULTURE SHOCK
～～回家之前（十一）

（倒数 4 小时）

Out of the 5 stages, I've experienced all of the first four phases. The fifth one is definitely coming soon. (Read the article below to know more about the 5 distinct stages of culture shock.)

Here's what some other people (from US) wrote about reverse culture shock:

“Basically, this consists of feeling out of place in your own country, or experiencing a sense of disorientation. While everything is familiar, you feel different. Even walking through the airport and hearing American English spoken can be a very surreal experience.”

“My year abroad was a great adventure. It became a 24-hour-a-day obsession to take advantage of where I was, the time I had, and the people with whom I lived. I had never been so continuously stimulated intellectually and personally. It was a letdown to return home.”

“I think that some people feel intimidated because they don’t understand the experiences I’ve had. They don’t know where I’m coming from and can’t grasp how it would be to live somewhere else.”

“I was so much more critical of things that are considered normal in the US once I had adapted to another culture that did things differently. When I was overseas, I ate differently, I looked at time differently, I socialized and studied differently. Once I arrived in America, I felt as though I really didn’t have a home culture anymore.”


I'm actually looking forward to experiencing the last stage. I'm giving myself 7 days to re-adapt to the weather and to recover from my jetlag and 1 whole month to get out of reverse culture shock. Being away for 9 months isn't short.

有开始就需要有结束，这样或许才会圆满。



CULTURE SHOCK: A FISH OUT OF WATER
Written by Elaine Addison

Kalvero Oberg was one of the first writers to identify five distinct stages of culture shock in 1958. He found that all human beings experience the same feelings when they travel to or live in a different country or culture. He found that culture shock is almost like a disease: it has a cause, symptoms, and a cure.

Whenever someone travels overseas they are like "a fish out of water." Like the fish, they have been swimming in their own culture all their lives. A fish doesn't think about what water it is in. Likewise, we often do not think too much about the culture we are raised in. Our culture helps to shape our identity. Many of the cues of interpersonal communication (body language, words, facial expressions, tone of voice, idioms, slang) are different in different cultures. One of the reasons that we feel like a fish out of water when we enter a new culture, is that we do not know all of the cues that are used in the new culture.

Psychologists tell us that there are five distinct phases (or stages) of culture shock. It is important to understand that culture shock happens to all people who travel abroad, but some people have much stronger reactions than others.

STAGE 1: HONEYMOON PHASE

During the first few days of a person's stay in a new country, everything usually goes fairly smoothly. The newcomer is excited about being in a new place where there are new sights and sounds, new smells and tastes. The newcomer may have some problems, but usually accepts them as just part of the newness. They may find themselves staying in hotels or with a home-stay family that is excited to meet the foreign stranger. The newcomer may find that "the red carpet" has been rolled out and they may be taken to restaurants, movies and tours of the sights. The new acquaintances may want to take the newcomer out to many places and "show them off." This first stage of culture shock is called the "honeymoon phase."

STAGE 2: REJECTION PHASE

Unfortunately, this honeymoon phase often comes to an end fairly soon. The newcomer has to deal with transportation problems (buses that don't come on time), shopping problems (can't buy their favorite foods) or communication problems (just what does "Chill out, dude." mean?). It may start to seem like people no longer care about your problems. They may help, but they don't seem to understand your concern over what they see as small problems. You might even start to think that the people in the host country don't like foreigners.

This may lead to the second stage of culture shock, known as the "rejection phase." The newcomer may begin to feel aggressive and start to complain about the host culture/country. It is important to recognize that these feelings are real and can become serious. This phase is a kind of crisis in the 'disease' of culture shock. It is called the "rejection" phase because it is at this point that the newcomer starts to reject the host country, complaining about and noticing only the bad things that bother them. At this stage the newcomer either gets stronger and stays, or gets weaker and goes home (physically, mentally or both).

STAGE 3: REGRESSION PHASE

If you don't survive stage two successfully, you may find yourself moving into stage three: the "regression phase." The word "regression" means moving backward, and in this phase of culture shock, you spend much of your time speaking your own language, watching videos from your home country, eating food from home. You may also notice that you are moving around campus or around town with a group of students who speak your own language. You may spend most of this time complaining about the host country/culture.

Also in the regression phase, you may only remember the good things about your home country. Your homeland may suddenly seem marvelously wonderful; all the difficulties that you had there are forgotten and you may find yourself wondering why you ever left (hint: You left to learn English!). You may now only remember your home country as a wonderful place in which nothing ever went wrong for you. Of course, this is not true, but an illusion created by your culture shock 'disease.'

STAGE 4: RECOVERY PHASE

If you survive the third stage successfully (or miss it completely) you will move into the fourth stage of culture shock called the "recovery phase" or the "at-ease-at-last phase." In this stage you become more comfortable with the language and you also feel more comfortable with the customs of the host country. You can now move around without a feeling of anxiety. You still have problems with some of the social cues and you may still not understand everything people say (especially idioms). However, you are now 90% adjusted to the new culture and you start to realize that no country is that much better than another - it is just different lifestyles and different ways to deal with the problems of life.

With this complete adjustment, you accept the food, drinks, habits and customs of the host country, and you may even find yourself preferring some things in the host country to things at home. You have now understood that there are different ways to live your life and that no way is really better than another, just different. Finally, you have become comfortable in the new place.

It is important to remember that not everyone experiences all the phases of culture shock. It is also important to know that you can experience all of them at different times: you might experience the regression phase before the rejection phase, etc. You might even experience the regression phase on Monday, the at ease phase on Tuesday, the honeymoon phase on Wednesday, and the rejection phase again on Thursday. What will Friday be like?

STAGE 5: REVERSE CULTURE SHOCK

Much later, you may find yourself returning to your homeland and -guess what? - you may find yourself entering the fifth phase of culture shock. This is called "reverse culture shock" or "return culture shock" and occurs when you return home. You have been away for a long time, becoming comfortable with the habits and customs of a new lifestyle and you may find that you are no longer completely comfortable in your home country. Many things may have changed while you were away and it may take a little while to become at ease with the cues and signs and symbols of your home culture.

Reverse culture shock can be very difficult. There is a risk of sickness or emotional problems in many of the phases of culture shock. Remember to be kind to yourself all the time that you are overseas, and when you get home. Give yourself time to adjust. Be your own best friend. If you do these things you will be a much stronger person. If you do these things, congratulations, you will be a citizen of the world!

原来，读书不只是读书而已
～～回家之前（十）

（倒数 14 小时）

我想我这辈子永远无法忘记抵达伦敦的第一周。

曾经很多的未知，已经演变成今天难得的记忆。

从一个小小小小的岛国，来到大大大大的伦敦，转变非常大，而且没有时间让你慢慢调整。好象心理学家 William James 在十七世纪时，形容婴儿出世后面对新世界所说的 "in a buzzing blooming confusion"。

乱。很乱。太乱。

太多的新事物。太少的时间。

就等你一个人死在让人窒息的大城市中。

这才恍悟新加坡有多么地小，小到根本完全彻底地微不足道。

也因此，短短的头几天所发生的所有大小事，都很难忘记。

我记得，我是在清晨五点半抵达伦敦，在 Heathrow 等了老半天，到了中午才等到我的 Minicab 司机。他妈的。

我记得，我的第一餐是 Tesco 的 water cress and egg sandwich，自从那次之后，就发誓再也不会吃同样的 sandwich。实在难下肚，而且价钱一磅多（新币三块多），还是我当时找到最便宜的晚餐。

我记得，我 jetlag 前前后后 lag 了整整三天。很奇怪，乘搭 SQ 322 by right 是不会 lag 的，偏偏我就 lag 了三天。或许是因为在飞机上睡得不够。

我记得，第一次踏出宿舍，自己一个人从 Camden 走路到 Tottenham Court Road 的 Tube Station 和 LT 会面，为了省钱，当时没有搭 Tube，也没有伦敦地图，就凭着知觉，在大城市中迷了路，还绕了 Regent's Park 一整圈（Regent's Park 的面积跟海德公园有的比）。原本只需四十分钟左右的路程，结果前后却花了我一个小时半。

（我还记得有一次去 LT 的家，为了省钱，我竟然从 Camden 走路到 Tower Bridge，前后花了两个小时多，现在觉得自己当时是发疯了。请注意，Camden 在伦敦西北部，Tower Bridge 在东部，乘搭 Tube 也需要至少半个钟头的车程。就好象从 Bedok 走路到 Raffles City 一样。）

我记得，抵达伦敦的首三天，没有棉被，没有 duvet，只有我从新加坡带来的枕头，LT 带我去 Tottenham Court 的 Argos 买，duvet 已经断货，晚上睡觉冷到半死，冷了三晚，结果在 Camden 的 Argos 买到了床单和 duvet，高兴地不得了。

还有很多很多的事，无法说尽。

或许，这都是出国的留学生才能体验得到的。

出国留学之后，才赫然发现，原来，读书不只是读书而已。

出国读书，等同于把你抛进大海里，让你自己自生自灭，让你学习如何不让自己溺毙，然后渐渐享受海的湛蓝。

我很庆幸，自己并没有选择呆在安逸的岛国，太过安逸，脑是会腐烂的，就象很多岛国的学生一样，身在福中不知福。你是其中一个吗？有机会的话，请去国外 exchange。

（我实在同情岛国的大学生们，尤其是 NUS 的学生。自从施ＸＸ教授掌权之后，我就一直 condemn 他。他是怎么做校长的嘛？）

收拾最后
～～回家之前（九）

（倒数 1 天）

好不容易把所有东西挤满了四大箱子，现在只差回国的行李和背包。

走廊越来越空，人都走了七七八八。付出的感情不多，离开或许也容易许多。

差不多了。

（回国后，我肯定我会患上 reverse culture shock。）

失眠

凌晨两点，躺在没有枕头和 duvet 的床上，企图入睡。

然后，辗转难眠。

两个钟头后，天开始亮了。

才四点。

分不清是凌晨还是清晨。

仍然一点睡意也没有。

Please
～～回家之前（八）

All flights in UK (I initially thought only England was affected) were grounded today early morning due to a glitch in the computer system at a control centre near London. Flight delays, disruptions, cancellations...

Operations are resuming now though.

Hope nothing goes wrong this Saturday. I already had a very bad experience at Schizpol Airport (Amsterdam) a few months ago. Flight disruptions aren't fun at all and they disrupt every single other plan.

I don't want to get stranded at Heathrow. Please.

解读城市
～～回家之前（七）

（倒数 2 天）

以游客的心态解读一座城市，和长住于一座城市，原来是迥然不同的。

人往往把长住的城市当作理所当然，直到要离开之前才恍然大悟原来自己并不很了解这座已经住了好几个月或几年甚至一辈子的城市。

然后，在离开之前，尽量了解城市，尽量游走城市，试图挽留一点什么，捕捉一点什么。

前几天，再次去了 Camden Market，还有终于去了 Notting Hill 和 Portobello Market，看到了 Hugh Grant 在戏里的世界。又去了 Four Seasons 花了 15 英磅 （45 新币）吃了全世界最好吃的鸭饭……又想起初到伦敦的震撼：以往只能在 Monopoly 游戏看到的地名，竟然全部在眼睛前跳跃，像 Trafalgar Square, Mayfair, Park Lane, Oxford Street, Bond Street 等等等。曾经的殷切向往，已经变成彩色真实，然后转换成黑白记忆。

很微妙。

所以，回国后决定重新解读岛国。岛国是小，但不至于无处可去，只是被人忽略罢了。

旅行新加坡可能会有意外的收获喔！

（我还想去看一下夏天的海德公园，还有 River Thames。）

错误

很喜欢《错误》，实在棒，这里分享。

《错误》　　郑愁予

我打江南走过
那等在季节里的容颜如莲花的开落

东风不来，三月的柳絮不飞
你的心如小小的寂寞的城
恰若青石的街道向晚
跫音不响，三月的春帷不揭
你的心是小小的窗扉紧掩

我达达的马蹄是美丽的错误
我不是归人，是个过客……

头发篇
～～回家之前（六）

（倒数 2 1/2 天）

I went crazy again. Went to cut my hair for the third time in London.

The most expensive haircut ever in my entire life.

73.80 pounds (a discounted price from 82 pounds because I'm a poor pathetic student).

That's 232 SGD (today's rate was 1 GBP = 3.146 SGD)!

I could have gotten myself at least 20 barber haircuts in Singapore with this amount of money.

Whatever, I actually felt nothing when I handed my credit card to the receptionist. My heart is starting to ache a bit now though.

Since this was the first time colouring my hair, I decided not to let a trainee touch my hair. I wanted to go to a proper VS salon initially, but I reckon it would have cost me twice of what I paid today, so I found Colournation, a hair salon in the heart of Soho (click here if you wanna know more), which boasts having the capability of offering 270 different colours.

Anyway, the service was quite good, highlighting technique not bad, cutting not as professional as VS though, but still decent.

Didn't cut much hair, retained the assymetrical VS style I had since months ago. Highlighted chunks of hair this colour which is a combination of blond and medium brown, looks golden to me actually (dunno the colour's exact name). The stylist recommended violet and blue in the first place which are the colours I've always wanted but I know I shouldn't have blue hair now.

So, a new style from central London for homecoming and summer and work.

收拾中
～～回家之前（五）

（倒数 3 天）

进度非常缓慢，已经六天了，顶多也只整理了 40%，东西比我想象的还多。已经装满了两大箱子，还差荷兰和德国的东西，还有十本旅游指南，还有饭锅，还有煮水的水壶，还有过滤器，还有一些刊物，还有课本，还有西装，还有打印机，还有鞋子，还有 6 大瓶酒加很多小小瓶的酒，还有 sandwich maker，还有小型 coffee maker，还有大概八幅画，还有很多很多……但时间不多了。

真的没了吗？

他在 ICQ 跟我说：“散了。已经没了。”我的第一个反应是：“怎么可能？Are you sure？”几个星期前，MN 还问我是否真的没了，我还跟她说那怎么可能。今天，第二次从别人口中听到，消息似乎是真的，但他也无法确定，只是听老鹰说罢了。走了十多年的风风雨雨，就在一夜间没了吗？怎么可能。根本不可能。我还是无法相信，如果真的没了，很多人会很伤心的，包括我在内……

机场
～～回家之前（四）

（倒数 4 天）

前几天，从德国飞回伦敦，在 Stansted 机场，我仿佛找到自己喜欢机场的原因。可是，现在却又无法用文字表达出来。每每在离境大厅看着人送人，然后哭红的双眸望穿玻璃窗直到那人离开视线为止，这种场面很温馨。曾经的离开，是为了日后的回来。每每在入境大厅看着人们不停的张望，等啊等，然后是拥抱又是哭红的双眼，机场再冰冷，也不至于把人的血给冻僵。

到过很多机场，不管是哪个机场，Amsterdam 的 Schizpol 机场，抑或是 London 的 Heathrow 机场，还是Singapore 的 Changi 机场，每个都是一样的。

其实何止机场，（火／巴士）车站也是。

送人的感觉，被人送的感觉，接人的感觉，被人接的感觉，机场一点都不冷。

你有过这种感觉吗，有的话，那你我都是幸福的。

（现在，开始对 Changi 有一点点的期待了。）

下定义

一直以来很想回顾走过的路，并为自己下定义，现在时间太多，终于做到了，不很详尽，日后想到什么在加加减减。目前，就只有 36 条。

收拾序曲
～～回家之前（三）

面对整室的满目疮痍，我束手无策。但是至少，我已经开始了。很难取舍什么东西要留在伦敦，什么东西要带回岛国，什么东西要扔进垃圾桶里。还有我的很多瓶酒、很多幅画，以及很多旅行的点滴，都不知如何处理。给自己五天的时间收拾九个月累积的有的没的，应该足够吧。

Photos of Chinese New Year 2004 in London uploaded

More photos of Sheffield, Manchester, Old Trafford, Oxford, Belgium, the Netherlands and Germany will be subsequently uploaded.

享受温度
～～回家之前（二）

（还有 7 天）

我实在不知道如何在离开九个月之后，让自己重新适应 35 摄氏度还有湿气 90% 以上的岛国。

我梦见自己在 Changi 入境时会死于呼吸困难导致呼吸管道严重阻塞的一种新型哮喘病。要不，就是中暑死掉。

回家之前，希望能好好享受伦敦 10 到 20 度的柔和，享受在伦敦街头上快步行走也不会流汗的快感。

上天能容许我把伦敦的空气带回岛国那该有多好。

6 月

6 月，回家的季节。
些许的向往，但更多的是害怕和恐惧。
我现在需要的是，
当初离开岛国到达伦敦，
以及独自到德国背包的
勇气。

回到伦敦

飞机在 Stansted 降落，完美的降落，降落时根本不知道飞机已经触碰到陆地。整个机舱的搭客，因此都报以热烈的掌声。我也一样鼓掌，第一次回到伦敦这么开心。或许也是天气的关系吧。


独自出走

独自游走的感觉可遇不可求，自由更是难求，或许以后会再次独自出走。


德国

七天的德国（北部），是另一次的震荡，太多的资讯，太少的时间，我无法完全吸收，需要一点时间消化，消化东德和西德的点点滴滴，尤其是柏林，柏林人（和德国人）太厉害了，我五体投地。


不想

接下来的几天，会游走伦敦（或者英国其他地方）。夏天是旅游的季节，现在，我一点想回家的感觉都没有。

Today

It wasn't your typical gloomy London weather today. It was exceptionally bright and sunny, so much so that I regretted not wearing my sunglasses. I have been looking forward to the sun since ages ago, and now London has given me the sun that I was yearning for. Guess it is the long deprivation of sunlight that made today's sunlight seem so dazzling, that I kept walking under the shades wherever possible. Temperatures have hit an incredibly high of 25 degrees Celsius today, the highest this spring I think. So hot that I sweat along the way and I had to walk into some air-conditioned stores to escape from the heat. For once I thought I was back in Singapore, except that Orchard Road is definitely way shorter than Oxford Street and Bond Street, and the fact that temperatures in Singapore are unquestionably 10 degrees higher than that of London's.

So I was out today in search of "Lonely Planet for Germany" and the latest edition isn't out in stores yet. So I've gotten "The Rough Guide" which looks rather comparable, and two other Lonely Planet travel guidebooks (Greece and Czech & Slovak Republics). Yup, Greece (especially Athens and the Greek Islands including Santorini) and Czech Republic (esp. Prague, Cesky Krumlov and maybe Olomouc) will probably be my next destinations, along with France (esp. Paris, Loire, Nice and Lyon), Southern Italy (esp. Amalfi Coast, Siena and Sicily), Southern Germany (esp. Munich, Heidelberg and the Black Forest), Switzerland (esp. Geneva, Interlaken and Zurich) and Egypt etc. Spain, Portugal, Scandinavia, and the rest of Eastern Europe are off my list right now, but who knows.

Hopefully all goes well in Germany. My first time alone. Bless me.

(Looking forward to 15 degrees at Leipzig tomorrow morning.)

Friends Again

Finished 200+ episodes of "Friends" in three weeks.
Ten series of "Friends".
Ten years of "Friends".
Relationships spanning over ten years, not only ten years, perhaps eternity.
Ross and Rachel - it was a happy ending after all.
How many endings in this world are happy?
Without friends now, laughter is missing in my room at Max Rayne.

完了

完了。真的完了。知道今天的 essays 瞎掰地彻底语无伦次，成绩肯定不会很理想。我不管了，反正今年只占百分之五。明年再说，还是先去满足我旅行的瘾。

End and Begin

Exams will end in 24 hours.
That means, I'm leaving for Germany in 60 hours.
And I've just realised I've done ZERO preparation for the trip as of now.
Research on Germany NOT done.
Itinerary NOT planned.
Currency NOT changed.
Backpack NOT packed.
Everything is NOT done.
An exciting journey by myself is about to begin.

(I guess I'll revise for tomorrow's exam first.)

Electric Dreams

I need some slightly-faster music and some electric dreams now. Remember the mass dances?

Together in Electric Dreams by Human League

I only knew you for a while
I never saw your smile
’til it was time to go
Time to go away (time to go away)
Sometimes it’s hard to recognise
Love comes as a surprise
And it’s too late
It’s just too late to stay
Too late to stay

We`ll always be together
However far it seems
(love never ends)
We`ll always be together
Together in electric dreams

Because the friendship that you gave
Has taught me to be brave
No matter where I go i`ll never find a better prize
(find a better prize)
Though you’re miles and miles away
I see you every day I don’t have to try
I just close my eyes, I close my eyes

We’ll always be together
However far it seems
(love never ends)
We’ll always be together
Together in electric dreams

1429 hrs

现在外头 20 度／又再听林一峰的 "Paris in your eyes"／Moscovici 和 Milgram 在我的面前刚打了一场血腥战／我想跳出窗外／我要出去／可是／我不可以出去

一踏糊涂

今天的 "Memory and Decision" 考试九题选三题，我只读了四个课题。
抓的那四个题目，全部百发百中。
但是，读得太深入，结果，料太多，时间太少。
写得一踏糊涂。

倒数 21
～～回家之前
　　系列之一

其实，并不是很想倒数，只是情不自禁，又再次玩倒数游戏。

还有 21 天，我就要回家了。

我不是很喜欢 21 这个数字。甚至讨厌 21。很巧的，我还是 21岁，22 越逼越近。

现在想写点什么，却发现不知道要写些什么。

离开了整整九个月，九个月不能算长，但是肯定不能算短。

第一次离开这么久。

刚开始，以为把这次的出国等同于当兵的前两个礼拜，心情可能会好受点。但后来发现，这跟当兵完全不一样，至少当兵时，还可以 book out。

刚开始，很是想家，几乎发狂。

后来，慢慢地觉得科技发达，通过互联网追踪岛国新闻，仿佛没有离开过蕞尔岛国。

现在，却恢复离开岛国之前的恐惧。好不容易适应了伦敦的一切，回去之后，又要重新适应，这种滋味并不很好受。

其实，倒数游戏一点都不好玩。但大人总喜欢倒数，凡是脱离不了数字。小王子一语道破地说过：“大人们喜爱数目字。当你告诉他们你交了一位朋友时，他们从不问你重要的问题……只有靠这些数字，他们才会认为对人有了认识。”

很可憎的是，我已经升级到 21 ，成为所谓的大人。

这样看来，玩倒数或许也就情有可原。

浮萍

只因不愿扎根，
才落得一生飘零。

……摘自 XP 的文字选集。

林一峰

很久以前就已经听到这首《我和泡面》，不过当时并不晓得是谁唱的，最近才恍然大悟。

原来，一年前也接触到林一峰的创作，是孙燕姿的《遇见》，现在听了林一峰的 original demo 版本《By My Side》，就觉得孙燕姿唱《遇见》并没有什么大不了。林一峰诠释得比较真吧，下次在这里上载。

现在一直以 repeat mode 听他的床头歌和游乐 Travelogue，听到没有心情面对笔记读书，听到旅行的瘾又在心里头蠢蠢欲动。

没关系，还有七天，我就可以到德国和 Van Gogh 见面。七天。

向往德国多过向往回到那热带岛国。


《我和泡面》　　词曲：林一峰

等待的时光就只有我和你
拿一双筷子期待把你放到嘴里
世界给我几分钟
让你的味道
变成我最美的呼吸
我感觉到时间
感受到真实
每分每秒属于自己
我有个心愿　你到底知不知

等待的日子就只有我和你
开心不开心你最能满足我身体
口袋只有几十块
也能拥有你
给我温暖渡过危机
我忙得没法呼吸
见你总是容易
不管生活高高低低
我有个心愿　你到底知不知

艰难的生活已经成为过去
这一路走来
却一直等待
有谁愿意和我一起分享你
就算有一天一切回到原地

Friends

在两个星期内每天马不停蹄看了六个系列的 Friends ，比读书还用功。在娱乐自己减低考试压力的当儿，不禁想像十年后的自己是否会像戏里的六个主角一样，也有一群可以和自己一起天南地北的 30 岁的 Friends。时光如何地荏苒你我都知道，岁月的不留情是宇宙的定律，已经跨过了 20 的门槛，但是我还是很难相信，30 越靠越近。

日长梦多

清晨五点，天好像早上十点一般亮。
晚上九点，太阳还舍不得下山。
白天愈来愈长，黑夜愈来愈短。
我喜欢这样的日子，
也因此喜欢伦敦的春天，还有春天的伦敦，
能做的东西比较多，但是白日梦也做的特别多。
突然间又萌发去布拉格 (Prague) 的冲动，
想象在布拉格广场听蔡依琳唱她的《布拉格广场》,
想象在一间小咖啡馆看布拉格人的生活作息。
也想到挪威的森林游走，也想看看其他北欧国家 24小时都是白天究竟是怎样一番风景。
还有还有，我更想看到我一直憧憬的北极光。
我又犯了旅行的瘾，就像我的咖啡瘾一样，
没有旅行和咖啡，浑身就会不自在。
有梦总好过没梦吧。
我现在必须泡我的 espresso。

Freud

A month ago, I had an intuition that Freud will come out on today's paper though that psycho has never appeared for the past few years. And indeed, Freud came out today and it was a straight forward testing-your-memory-and-your-speed-of-writing kinda question, and clever me decided to give up on Freud last minute.

So instead of reproducing word for word on Freud's personality theory, I chose to argue why gays are gays and why lesbians are lesbians (the two other essays I wrote were on memory and babies), which weren't that bad, since these are the topics that I studied and they did come out after all.

I guess I should follow my intuitions for the rest of my papers.

Remarkable OreO!

OreO had an astronomy exam today morning, and from the time he received the timetable in March till he stepped into the exam hall this morning, he had always thought the exam commenced at 1030 hrs. So he embarked on the journey from Camden to school at 0930 hrs.

It was 1000 hrs and OreO thought it was still early. So he strolled to the school science library to return a couple of books, before beginning his navigation to the examination hall.

As usual, OreO couldn't find the examination venue instantly and after 20 minutes of searching, at about 1020 hrs, he approached two uncles outside a hall, which looked liked the very examination hall in which there were students inside scribbling furiously and which OreO passed by 5 times while searching leisurely for the exam hall, still thinking that he has 10 more minutes before the exam starts.

Then to his horror, OreO found out from the uncles that the exam had started 25 minutes ago and it was this very hall which he was supposed to be in right now.

Well done, OreO.

5 more minutes and OreO will be barred from the exam and fail this course unit.

OreO then anxiously reported to the chief examiner. The examiner showed OreO to his seat and offered to take his bag and jacket to the storage area.

OreO showed the examiner the required timetable and his ID card in return.

OreO then looked carefully at his timetable and the "1000 hrs" was mocking at him scornfully.

OreO perspired every single drop of sweat that he had stored for the past nine months in London, even though it was ten plus degrees Celsius in the exam hall.

OreO saw lots of stars and planets revolving around his eyes before he could start answering the questions on stars and planets.

How could OreO have thought that it was 1030 hrs all the while?

Nevermind for that question, OreO told himself that he must calm down and start answering the questions.

OreO wiped dry his sweat and took a deep breath and off he scribbled frantically on the answer sheets.

OreO scrawled and scribbled so fast that he finished the exam 45 minutes before the end of the exam.

So OreO double and triple checked every answer he had written, before he decided that he would die of suffocation if he continued to stay in the hall for the next half an hour.

So OreO raised up his right hand and handed in his exam scripts.

OreO strided out of the exam hall while the rest of the candidates were still scrawling.

Well done, OreO.

OreO was so impressed with himself: first, this is the first time in his whole academic life that OreO is late for an exam; second, he arrived 25 minutes late, and then he finished 45 minutes earlier. So OreO in fact spent only 1 hour 20 minutes, instead of the allocated 2 hours 30 minutes to finish the whole exam.

Erm... now OreO is thinking, he should have completed all the questions and sub-questions right?

Whatever, astronomy is his most confident subject. OreO is expecting at least an A for astronomy.

We shall see in a month's time. OreO has four more papers to go.

没变

妹妹说有朋友捎了这样一则 SMS 到我新加坡的手机：“Yo man wonder if u r back if so wan go ktv. i've ask peizi they all liao......”

看到这则 SMS 之后，我乐了一整个下午。

只有电话号码，没留名字，因为我的 phonebook 在我伦敦的手机里。但我马上知道发 SMS 的是谁。

几年后，他讲话的语气完全没变。

或许，有些东西是无法改变的。=)

热 vs. 冷

伦敦恢复正常的阴暗的天气，所有的春意盎然骤然间消失得无影无踪。下了一整个早上的细雨绵绵，我依旧没有撑伞，走去 Tesco 买我的牛奶和面包，让雨习惯性地打进我心里，模糊了眼镜，模糊了视觉，麻木了心扉。摄氏九度。热。真的热。回去摄氏三十度以上的岛国不知如何是好。我把暖气关了起来。非常热。热。

收到了我预订的 cartons 和书箱，准备从德国回来后，清理房间，整理我的书本和旅游的足迹，装进箱子里在 summer 的时候交由储存公司帮我保管。订了八大箱子，应该够装我所有的垃圾吧。没想到才九个月的时间，才五次的背包旅行，就累积了这么多的有的没的。现在对于回家一点感觉都没有。想离开伦敦，想回家，但不期待回家，或许潜意识是期待回家的。但此时此刻，是麻了。心冷了。心被雨水淋湿了。冷。

（不知道为什么，突然想起了在老舍《茶馆》跑堂的李三讲的“改良！改良！越改越凉，冰凉！”）

外热内冷。在摄氏九度的伦敦空气中。

这几天

这几天一点成就也没有，完完全全没有动到书本。该死。

上个星期四是第一张试卷，考 A 的机会根本没有，考 B 也好象不大可能，有 C 我已经很高兴。两个钟头写三篇 essay ，手一直抖，应该是太久没有用手写字了吧。

原来，在伦敦考试不只考验你的课堂知识，还考验你找寻考场的工夫。伦敦太大，学校小（也不很小，大概有国大一半的 size 吧），考场因此分散整个伦敦，而在学校进行的考试也只不过少过百分之十。我花了一段时间才找到 Liverpool Street 的考场。Camden 在西北部，Liverpool Street 在东部。新加坡整个国家的面积还不到整个伦敦的一半，可想而知伦敦的大。还有五张试卷，还有五次的 navigation。

考完后，一点温书的心情都没有，就这样不知不觉过了三天，什么也没做，只是找了适合的图案放在 blog 的 background 上面，只是又去了 Camden market 情不自禁又买了一条 diesel 牛仔裤，只是看了很多集的 Friends，只是沉浸在林一峰的音乐里，只是整天在发白日梦幻想自己在希腊群岛那该有多好。我现在很想去德国的 Berlin，法国的 Nice，还有希腊的群岛。

不行，我颓废了三天，我要考第一名。

文字饥渴

前阵子，我说我要停笔了，不想再写发生在自己身上的微不足道的生活琐事，不想再 update 我的 blog 了。

可是，后来又断断续续写了一大堆牢骚。

最近我又和一些很特别的文字邂逅，又读到一些老朋友写的方块字，文字的精彩很诱人，于是又想起在 LEP 的那些日子。

最终，我还是发现我无法完全停笔，因为文字是我的生命，是我毕业后的饭碗。我此时此刻对文字很是饥渴，写的冲动又回来了。

没错，我比女人还擅变。

说停就停，想写就写，我不想为我的文字负责任。这跟我日后的工作原则完全背道而驰。但是，我就是喜欢变。我无法面对同样的人事物太久，我很快就会对它们产生厌腻。我真的不知道合约满了之后，还有什么工作能够满足我的这个要求。

所以，现在就写一写不同的吧，写写生活琐事比较有感觉的人事物，写写生活琐事以外的东西，尝试玩味文字，慢慢咬文嚼字，写写打油诗，出国背包就尝试写写游记，可能会尝试填词（只在华初填过一次词，是作业，感觉还不错，还拿了个A+）。

琬仪写过：“年纪越大，越爱惜文字。要知道一篇写得好的文章，每一颗字都是经过筛选的宝石。”这是身在文林的人都知道的。

我的文字不一定具备吸引你的魅力，但是这对我不重要，毕竟现在写中文的人实在是寥寥无几。现在的（新加坡）学生，中文程度实在 cannot make it，读了他们的文字一点瘾都没有。身边的朋友也有的开始写中文了，至少都开始写了，至少我知道我并不孤单，至少还有希望，咱们一起耕耘吧。

《黑・白・异・境》是一个多月的过渡期；现在，《黑・白・异・境》《调・色・版》是重新出发。

所以，请原谅我的擅变。

Vincent's Starry Night

I can't wait for exams to be over. I can't wait to see Vincent's Starry Night!

Starry Night is in Berlin now, at the New National Gallery, until 19 Sept 2004.

I was wondering how come Starry Night was missing at Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam when I was there 3 weeks ago. Van Gogh Museum was kind of a disappointment and the admission isn't cheap (an exorbitant 9 euros, I thought the Uffizi in Florence was much better). So, I bought 3 of his paintings to make me feel better.

I didn't know Starry Night is in Berlin until WL told me. Ach so!

I have no plans to go to the United States as yet just to see Starry Night, at least not this year.

So Northern Germany (particularly Berlin), here I come. 3 more weeks.

Just because of Starry Night.

Although I do not know Vincent well, and I am not an art/painting aficionado, there are just some paintings on this world that you MUST see no matter when and what.

Starry Night is one of them. Just like Rembrandt's "Nightwatch" and Michelangelo's "Last Judgement".

Just like you must go to Old Trafford if given the chance, even if you are not a MU/soccer fan. Just like 不到长城非好汉.

I can't wait for exams to end. Jetzt muss ich studieren.


Vincent (Starry Starry Night) by Don McLean

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colours on the snowy linen land

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds and violet haze
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue
Colours changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artists' loving hand

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left inside
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could have told you Vincent
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you

*Starry starry night
Portraits hung in empty halls,
Frameless heads on nameless walls,
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.*

Like the strangers that you've met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn of bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They're not listening still
Perhaps they never will...