Final exams have ended two days ago, and I’m really really really glad that the 3 weeks are now over. A frustrating revision period reading the stuff which I like and which I know I cannot continue to pursue. Glorious sunshine that afternoon lifted my mood for a while. But sunshine and happiness is fleeting - it’s now surprisingly getting cold and dreary yet again on a Saturday afternoon today, with the grey clouds hanging unbelievably low in the sky, not like spring, but more like autumn.
I had some time to rest after exams, and I gave myself a few hours off that afternoon after the finalists’ party. I worked so hard, though some exams could have been better in my opinion. But grades don’t really matter much to me now. What’s the difference between getting a First Class Honours and a Second Upper now? Maybe afterall, I’m not fated to go to Stanford to do Masters in a totally different field - Stanford rejected my I-20 request (a required certificate for student visa application) not once, but three times (and it’s still not settled yet). Is God telling me to follow my interest in Psychology?
Walking alone under glorious sunshine (20 degrees that day!) from Euston to Russell Square to Holborn to Covent Garden to Leicester Square to Trafalgar Square, down Whitehall to Big Ben, after which I sat at Parliament Square for 30 minutes writing a letter to my professor, in which I vented my frustrations. I felt so happy and so free that moment. Free in a bustling London.
What’s done has been done and cannot be undone. I’ll just leave everything to fate. And yes, I still need to talk to that bastard at Stanford to sort out my I-20. Americans don’t seem to understand proper English. Oh well…
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Summer!
Four more days to my last exam, and I’ll be set free!
Summer plans have been more or less confirmed. I’ll be backpacking in Switzerland, Spain and Scotland (hmm… now I realise that they all start with the letter S), before leaving London permanently on the night of July 7th (so that I can attend the memorial service that day). That’s less than 2 months to say goodbye to everyone here. =(
And then I’ll rest for 1.5 days before starting work on July 10th for 2 months. News desk posting has just been confirmed - and this is the first time I’m actually looking forward to working (this is my 5th internship). Well, it’s a new paper, so maybe not much constraints.
And then, I’ll have a break for maybe 1 week before heading to California. Not that excited, surprisingly.
It’s time to return to books now. After Thursday, it’s goodbye to personality, goodbye to emotions, goodbye to memory mechanisms, goodbye to cognition, goodbye to neuroscience, goodbye to mental illness; and it’s hello China, hello Korea, hello Japan, hello politics, hello history, hello economics... Not looking forward but whatever.
Summer plans have been more or less confirmed. I’ll be backpacking in Switzerland, Spain and Scotland (hmm… now I realise that they all start with the letter S), before leaving London permanently on the night of July 7th (so that I can attend the memorial service that day). That’s less than 2 months to say goodbye to everyone here. =(
And then I’ll rest for 1.5 days before starting work on July 10th for 2 months. News desk posting has just been confirmed - and this is the first time I’m actually looking forward to working (this is my 5th internship). Well, it’s a new paper, so maybe not much constraints.
And then, I’ll have a break for maybe 1 week before heading to California. Not that excited, surprisingly.
It’s time to return to books now. After Thursday, it’s goodbye to personality, goodbye to emotions, goodbye to memory mechanisms, goodbye to cognition, goodbye to neuroscience, goodbye to mental illness; and it’s hello China, hello Korea, hello Japan, hello politics, hello history, hello economics... Not looking forward but whatever.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
I should have known better...
I should be happy when Harvey wrote me a letter a few days ago, saying that the department is submitting my dissertation for publication in the academic journal, although Harvey said “there is no guarantee that papers we submit will be accepted.”
Lagnado said to me that would be excellent and “you would have something to put on your CV.”
I should be happy, but I’m not.
Instead, I am plainly frustrated.
Haggard said he’s willing to do anything that helps, within his capabilities that can get me out of the bond, so that I can continue PhD in Psychology.
Ah well, I should have known better when I signed my name on that piece of paper 5 years ago. I’ve given up.
Like Harvey said, the accepted publication would probably only “remind me of your time as a psychologist.”
I don’t know what to reply to them.
Lagnado said to me that would be excellent and “you would have something to put on your CV.”
I should be happy, but I’m not.
Instead, I am plainly frustrated.
Haggard said he’s willing to do anything that helps, within his capabilities that can get me out of the bond, so that I can continue PhD in Psychology.
Ah well, I should have known better when I signed my name on that piece of paper 5 years ago. I’ve given up.
Like Harvey said, the accepted publication would probably only “remind me of your time as a psychologist.”
I don’t know what to reply to them.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Amazed
I am truly amazed today by the people who walked out of the exam hall 30 minutes after the exam started. Either their writing speed is phenomenal, or they just couldn’t be bothered (the latter sounds more likely), which is good news for the rest for us. I mean I wrote 16 pages (no line spacing) in 3 hours -- yes my right hand is still trembling now -- and I still couldn’t finish what I want to answer. How can they finish 3 essays in 30 minutes? Yeah, good, these people should all fail. Yah, I’m evil and sadistic. But I need the first class honours. Let the competition begin. All who have shown efforts (at least all of us who sat through 3 hours) should all be rewarded.
On another note, I still can’t believe forensic psychology came out on the clinical psychology exam today. What’s wrong with the lecturers?
On another note, I still can’t believe forensic psychology came out on the clinical psychology exam today. What’s wrong with the lecturers?
Friday, April 28, 2006
Terminal
Terminal
I have officially reached the terminal stage of exam preparations.
First, I left my thumb-drive in Lab 1, only realising after I got out of the building. (This has never happened to me.)
Then I walked past my Dutch classmate in DMS Watson, only knowing it’s her after she stopped me. (This has never happened as well.)
So, if you see me on the streets and I’m ignoring you, it’s not that I want to ignore you, but my mind just somehow gets dissociated from my body. I’m just too engrossed in don’t-know-what and fail to notice you consciously.
On another note, you know you are ready when you can spot mistakes on lecture handouts. Give me any question and I’ll give you flawless essays, I wish.
I have officially reached the terminal stage of exam preparations.
First, I left my thumb-drive in Lab 1, only realising after I got out of the building. (This has never happened to me.)
Then I walked past my Dutch classmate in DMS Watson, only knowing it’s her after she stopped me. (This has never happened as well.)
So, if you see me on the streets and I’m ignoring you, it’s not that I want to ignore you, but my mind just somehow gets dissociated from my body. I’m just too engrossed in don’t-know-what and fail to notice you consciously.
On another note, you know you are ready when you can spot mistakes on lecture handouts. Give me any question and I’ll give you flawless essays, I wish.
Monday, April 24, 2006
我真的不知道
我真的不知道
时间所剩无几。
他们都说现在辛苦是值得的。
天啊。75% 不是开玩笑。
连老板都说：“功课要紧，一个月交也没问题。”
我真的不知道。
我从来没有这样不肯定。
我真的不知道。
我有种不详的感觉。
我真的不知道。
时间所剩无几。
他们都说现在辛苦是值得的。
天啊。75% 不是开玩笑。
连老板都说：“功课要紧，一个月交也没问题。”
我真的不知道。
我从来没有这样不肯定。
我真的不知道。
我有种不详的感觉。
我真的不知道。
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
I'm getting a newspaper column, or hopefully...
Seriously, I initially thought my editor sent the email to the wrong person, but after reading the entire email, it turns out it's addressed to me. No errors.
I've been invited to write a commentary column every fortnight for the new Chinese daily due to circulate in June 1st.
It came as a surprise, or should I say shock. I admit when I start work offcially, I do yearn a personal column where I can just rant anything. This came a bit too early, but I suppose it's a good sign. =)
What makes me more excited is I can write about anything, no restrictions except for the usual you-know-what. And since this is a new paper, there doesn't seem to be too much rules to conform to like those in traditional Zaobao.
As my editor wrote: "我们在乎的是看法，表达上可以稍微个人一点......我们的言论不会像早报这么正统、严肃，可以允许稍微偏离主流的调子......尽管写来吧，不要有太大的负担。"
I need to crack my brain soon... haha... what if, eventually the things I write are all crap that can't be published...
(Exams are more important now.)
Seriously, I initially thought my editor sent the email to the wrong person, but after reading the entire email, it turns out it's addressed to me. No errors.
I've been invited to write a commentary column every fortnight for the new Chinese daily due to circulate in June 1st.
It came as a surprise, or should I say shock. I admit when I start work offcially, I do yearn a personal column where I can just rant anything. This came a bit too early, but I suppose it's a good sign. =)
What makes me more excited is I can write about anything, no restrictions except for the usual you-know-what. And since this is a new paper, there doesn't seem to be too much rules to conform to like those in traditional Zaobao.
As my editor wrote: "我们在乎的是看法，表达上可以稍微个人一点......我们的言论不会像早报这么正统、严肃，可以允许稍微偏离主流的调子......尽管写来吧，不要有太大的负担。"
I need to crack my brain soon... haha... what if, eventually the things I write are all crap that can't be published...
(Exams are more important now.)
Monday, April 17, 2006
Wicked London
It's an irony. I was desperately pushing SPH to confirm my Masters just last week, and when they finally did, I'm more relieved than happy actually. So the harsh conclusion now is: my days in London are numbered, and the more I think of this, the more I am not looking forward to going to America. How can three years just zoom past like that? There are still so many things I haven't done and seen yet. Well, there's absolutely no way that I can attend my graduation ceremony, because it clashes with damn SPH's internship. So, I'm trying to prolong my stay in London in the coming summer as long as possible now, tentatively after July 7th, leaving me 6 weeks after exams to say goodbye to wicked London. Don Mclean's "Streets of London" inevitably sprung up to mind:
"So how can you tell me you're lonely,
And say for you that the sun don't shine?
Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London
I'll show you something to make you change your mind"
It's an irony. I was desperately pushing SPH to confirm my Masters just last week, and when they finally did, I'm more relieved than happy actually. So the harsh conclusion now is: my days in London are numbered, and the more I think of this, the more I am not looking forward to going to America. How can three years just zoom past like that? There are still so many things I haven't done and seen yet. Well, there's absolutely no way that I can attend my graduation ceremony, because it clashes with damn SPH's internship. So, I'm trying to prolong my stay in London in the coming summer as long as possible now, tentatively after July 7th, leaving me 6 weeks after exams to say goodbye to wicked London. Don Mclean's "Streets of London" inevitably sprung up to mind:
"So how can you tell me you're lonely,
And say for you that the sun don't shine?
Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London
I'll show you something to make you change your mind"
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Billy
Billy
Ok, I admit I am obsessed with Billy now. In less than 24 hours after watching the musical, I bought myself another ticket (55 pounds) on the last day of my exams.
Another song, besides Electricity, that has been on replay mode since that night: =)
Dear Billy [Billy’s Reply]
BILLY:
And please, Mammy…
know that I will always be
proud to have known you
proud that you were mine
Proud in everything…
And I promise you this, Mammy.
BILLY:
In everything I do
I’ll always be myself,
MUM:
In everything you do
Always be yourself
BILLY:
Mammy.
And I always will be true.
MUM:
Love you forever.
BILLY:
Love you forever.
MUM:
Love you forever.
BILLY:
Mam.
Bye Mam.
Ok, I admit I am obsessed with Billy now. In less than 24 hours after watching the musical, I bought myself another ticket (55 pounds) on the last day of my exams.
Another song, besides Electricity, that has been on replay mode since that night: =)
Dear Billy [Billy’s Reply]
BILLY:
And please, Mammy…
know that I will always be
proud to have known you
proud that you were mine
Proud in everything…
And I promise you this, Mammy.
BILLY:
In everything I do
I’ll always be myself,
MUM:
In everything you do
Always be yourself
BILLY:
Mammy.
And I always will be true.
MUM:
Love you forever.
BILLY:
Love you forever.
MUM:
Love you forever.
BILLY:
Mam.
Bye Mam.
Friday, April 14, 2006
Electrifying Billy Elliot!
I thought I needed to do something except than studying, since this is the first Easter holiday that I am staying in London and not going anywhere for holiday.
So, I finally saw Billy Elliot The Musical yesterday night, and it was electrifying! The film version was already very good, but the musical was way better. The ticket wasn’t cheap but it’s definitely worth every penny. (And it was difficult to get hold of a ticket last minute as well.) So, I have decided I am going to watch Billy Elliot again before I leave London for good, which is probably the best way to say goodbye to the West End and London.
All the Billys are only 10-12-year-old kids, and it’s really amazing how such young boys can act and dance and sing for 3 hours 3 times a week. One can just tell how much hard work the boys and the entire cast and backstage crew has put in. I am truly impressed.
I incidentally found this video on youtube, showing Liam Mower as Billy Elliot singing Electricity, which was one of the scenes in the musical sold out every night. (Apart from missing his cue and forgetting the first few words of the song, Liam was fantastic and this was exactly what I saw yesterday. Obviously, it was better seeing Liam right before your eyes.) There’s another scene of Billy flying on the stage, which was the most electrifying I think, but not shown on this video.
Enjoy.
(When can I be as free as Billy???)
Electricity ~~ Lyrics by Lee Hall, Music by Elton John
I can’t really explain it, I haven’t got the words
It’s a feeling that you can’t control
I suppose it’s like forgetting, losing who you are
And at the same time something makes you whole
It’s like that there’s a music playing in your ear
And I’m listening, and I’m listening and then I disappear
And then I feel a change
Like a fire deep inside
Something bursting me wide open impossible to hide
And suddenly I’m flying, flying like a bird
Like electricity, electricity
Sparks inside of me
And I’m free I’m free
It’s a bit like being angry, it’s a bit like being scared
Confused and all mixed up and mad as hell
It’s like when you’ve been crying
And you’re empty and you’re full
I don’t know what it is it’s hard to tell
It’s like that there’s a music playing in your ear
But the music is impossible impossible to hear
But then I feel it move me
Like a burning deep inside
Something bursting me wide open impossible to hide
And suddenly I’m flying, flying like a bird
Like electricity, electricity
Sparks inside of me
And I’m free I’m free
Electricity, sparks inside of me
And I’m free, I’m free
I’m free
I thought I needed to do something except than studying, since this is the first Easter holiday that I am staying in London and not going anywhere for holiday.
So, I finally saw Billy Elliot The Musical yesterday night, and it was electrifying! The film version was already very good, but the musical was way better. The ticket wasn’t cheap but it’s definitely worth every penny. (And it was difficult to get hold of a ticket last minute as well.) So, I have decided I am going to watch Billy Elliot again before I leave London for good, which is probably the best way to say goodbye to the West End and London.
All the Billys are only 10-12-year-old kids, and it’s really amazing how such young boys can act and dance and sing for 3 hours 3 times a week. One can just tell how much hard work the boys and the entire cast and backstage crew has put in. I am truly impressed.
I incidentally found this video on youtube, showing Liam Mower as Billy Elliot singing Electricity, which was one of the scenes in the musical sold out every night. (Apart from missing his cue and forgetting the first few words of the song, Liam was fantastic and this was exactly what I saw yesterday. Obviously, it was better seeing Liam right before your eyes.) There’s another scene of Billy flying on the stage, which was the most electrifying I think, but not shown on this video.
Enjoy.
(When can I be as free as Billy???)
Electricity ~~ Lyrics by Lee Hall, Music by Elton John
I can’t really explain it, I haven’t got the words
It’s a feeling that you can’t control
I suppose it’s like forgetting, losing who you are
And at the same time something makes you whole
It’s like that there’s a music playing in your ear
And I’m listening, and I’m listening and then I disappear
And then I feel a change
Like a fire deep inside
Something bursting me wide open impossible to hide
And suddenly I’m flying, flying like a bird
Like electricity, electricity
Sparks inside of me
And I’m free I’m free
It’s a bit like being angry, it’s a bit like being scared
Confused and all mixed up and mad as hell
It’s like when you’ve been crying
And you’re empty and you’re full
I don’t know what it is it’s hard to tell
It’s like that there’s a music playing in your ear
But the music is impossible impossible to hear
But then I feel it move me
Like a burning deep inside
Something bursting me wide open impossible to hide
And suddenly I’m flying, flying like a bird
Like electricity, electricity
Sparks inside of me
And I’m free I’m free
Electricity, sparks inside of me
And I’m free, I’m free
I’m free
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Californication?
OK, I was bored while studying, so was surfing the web and chanced upon this video of the university's main quad. Isn't the campus just gorgeous? (See video below though its not really well taken, but the campus is still lovely.) I'm getting more and more frustrated with the company. The deadline is next Saturday, and they have yet to decide. And so, it turns out that I have to accept both universities, just in case. I've already gave in by relinquishing Psychology. I'm going to make a big fuss if they do not allow me to go to California.
OK, I was bored while studying, so was surfing the web and chanced upon this video of the university's main quad. Isn't the campus just gorgeous? (See video below though its not really well taken, but the campus is still lovely.) I'm getting more and more frustrated with the company. The deadline is next Saturday, and they have yet to decide. And so, it turns out that I have to accept both universities, just in case. I've already gave in by relinquishing Psychology. I'm going to make a big fuss if they do not allow me to go to California.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Choice & Approval
Choice & Approval
I’ve finally made my choice.
Now, I’m just waiting for SPH to approve.
Hope all goes well.
I’ve finally made my choice.
Now, I’m just waiting for SPH to approve.
Hope all goes well.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Ben’s
Ben’s
房间堆了 15 盒 Marks & Spencer 的 Triple Chocolate Crunch （备考需要大量能量，每两天就可以吃完一盒），还不满足。结果，又跑去买了一盒买五送二的 Ben’s cookies 。我在想，在多三个月，就要和吃了三年的 Ben’s 和 Hampstead crepes 说再见，真的不知道如何是好。刚发现美国只有 Salt Lake City 有 Ben’s ，虽然如此，以后总不能像现在一样走路到 Ben’s 就可以吃到了。或许，我是应该选比较靠近 Ben’s 的大学。西岸比较靠近吧？
房间堆了 15 盒 Marks & Spencer 的 Triple Chocolate Crunch （备考需要大量能量，每两天就可以吃完一盒），还不满足。结果，又跑去买了一盒买五送二的 Ben’s cookies 。我在想，在多三个月，就要和吃了三年的 Ben’s 和 Hampstead crepes 说再见，真的不知道如何是好。刚发现美国只有 Salt Lake City 有 Ben’s ，虽然如此，以后总不能像现在一样走路到 Ben’s 就可以吃到了。或许，我是应该选比较靠近 Ben’s 的大学。西岸比较靠近吧？
Friday, March 24, 2006
Saturday, March 18, 2006
What's the point?
What’s the point?
I decided to take a break and turned on the TV after reading Brewin’s DR Theory of Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Coincidentally, Channel 4 was showing the documentary “The Falling Man” on the September 11th tragedy.
“There’s no blood, there’s no guts, it’s just a man falling,” a survivor said in response to Richard Drew’s photograph of the falling man, after which he broke down.
“It was more than grief,” the program described the psychological impact the trauma had on the survivors…
Then everything I had read just flood back… SAM and VAM, HPA axis, amygdala, LeDoux’s findings, flashbacks, EMDR, imaginal rescripting, Foa’s theory… I was surprisingly able to relate all these to the program…
But what’s the point?
I realise I am still extremely frustrated at not being able to do what I really want after finishing my psychology degree.
What’s the point of knowing how to carry out cognitive behaviour therapy? What’s the point of knowing that benzodiazepines can quell some PTSD symptoms? What’s the point of knowing the differences between Type I trauma and Type II trauma? What’s the point?
I feel like giving up…
I decided to take a break and turned on the TV after reading Brewin’s DR Theory of Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Coincidentally, Channel 4 was showing the documentary “The Falling Man” on the September 11th tragedy.
“There’s no blood, there’s no guts, it’s just a man falling,” a survivor said in response to Richard Drew’s photograph of the falling man, after which he broke down.
“It was more than grief,” the program described the psychological impact the trauma had on the survivors…
Then everything I had read just flood back… SAM and VAM, HPA axis, amygdala, LeDoux’s findings, flashbacks, EMDR, imaginal rescripting, Foa’s theory… I was surprisingly able to relate all these to the program…
But what’s the point?
I realise I am still extremely frustrated at not being able to do what I really want after finishing my psychology degree.
What’s the point of knowing how to carry out cognitive behaviour therapy? What’s the point of knowing that benzodiazepines can quell some PTSD symptoms? What’s the point of knowing the differences between Type I trauma and Type II trauma? What’s the point?
I feel like giving up…
Monday, March 13, 2006
More than 8 months
More than 8 months
Time flies. This has been my desktop picture for more than 8 months.
I really really really miss Peru.
I'm looking forward to re-visiting it next year, or even this December if I do decide to go to the US for Masters. Hopefully plans will work out. :)
Viva Peru!
Classic shot at Machu Picchu
Saturday, March 11, 2006
To maintain
To maintain
I know I need to only repeat my second-year performance, and I’ll be on cloud nine.
But I now realise that it is extremely difficult and demanding to maintain abilities.
It’s still possible, I guess.
I still have time.
I know I need to only repeat my second-year performance, and I’ll be on cloud nine.
But I now realise that it is extremely difficult and demanding to maintain abilities.
It’s still possible, I guess.
I still have time.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Bad and good news all in one day
Bad and good news all in one day
Two pieces of news came today.
The bad one came first, in the afternoon.
I got rejected from my 1st choice.
Obviously, I was disappointed the whole day.
Till 5 minutes ago.
Another email came from my 2nd choice, which I thought would be another bad one, since all I had received so far were bad news.
“You were accepted into the M.A. program.”
On second thought, could it be a typo?
I’ll wait for the official letter to come.
Two pieces of news came today.
The bad one came first, in the afternoon.
I got rejected from my 1st choice.
Obviously, I was disappointed the whole day.
Till 5 minutes ago.
Another email came from my 2nd choice, which I thought would be another bad one, since all I had received so far were bad news.
“You were accepted into the M.A. program.”
On second thought, could it be a typo?
I’ll wait for the official letter to come.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
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