Sunday, November 30, 2003

One of my German Classes:

Teacher: Woher kommst du und wo wohnst du? (Where do you come from and where do you live in?)

Classmate A: Griechenland, Athen. (Greece, Athens)
Classmate B: Grossbritannien, London (Great Britain, London)
Classmate C: Bulgarien, Sofia (Bulgaria, Sofia)
Classmate D: Frankreich, Paris (France, Paris)
Me: Singapur, Singapur (Singapore, Singapore)

Saturday, November 29, 2003





――赵琬仪 《联合早报・现在》27/11/2003
Downloaded and listening to Colin Raye's "Love Me" in the background repeatedly now (heard it a few days ago on 933), I realised I did practically nothing the whole of today when the weather is astonishingly good. The only thing I can recall doing is watching "Matrix Revolutions" in the afternoon. Before the movie, I was just stoning at my half-written lab report on my lap top screen for the whole morning. And it is still half-written now. And after returning to my hall when the movie ended, I'm back to dazing at my laptop. What's wrong with me? I simply have no mood to do anything and everything today and even up till now, though I have no school. Instead I spent the whole evening reading through my emails, reading the message histories in ICQ, reading the letters that were read 3 months ago on the plane to London and looking at all the photos I have available online and offline in my dorm.

All of a sudden, I abominate emails and instant messaging...

Love Me - Colin Raye

I read a note my grandma wrote, back in 1923.
Grandpa kept it in his coat, and he showed it once to me.
He said, " Boy, you might not understand, but a long long time ago,
grandma's daddy didnt like me none, but i loved your grandma so."

"We had this crazy plan to meet and run away together
Get married in the first town we came to and live forever
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead,
I found this letter, and this is what it said.
'If you get there before I do, don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through, I don't know how long I'll be.
But I'm not gonna let you down. Darling, wait and see
And between now and then, till I see you again,
I'll be lovin' you, love me'"

I read those words just hours before my grandma passed away
In the doorway of the church where me and grandpa stopped to pray.
I know I'll never seen him cry, in all my 15 years.
But as he said these words to her, his eyes filled up with tears.
"If you get there before I do, don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through, I don't know how long I'll be.
But I'm not gonna let you down. Darling, wait and see
And between now and then, till I see you again,
I'll be lovin' you, love me"

Friday, November 28, 2003

Strangely and rarely it's sunny and summery again though its 5 degrees celsius... The sky is virtually a cloudless azure, simply too beautiful. I wonder how long this will last.
《世界末日》     词曲:周杰伦

想笑 来伪装掉下的眼泪 点点头 承认自己会怕黑
我只求 能借一点的时间来陪 你却连同情都不给
想哭 来试探自己麻痹了没 全世界 好象只有我疲惫
无所谓 反正难过就敷衍走一回 但愿绝望和无奈远走高飞
天灰灰 会不会 让我忘了你是谁
夜越黑 梦违背 难追难回味
我的世界将被摧毁 也许事与愿违
累不累 睡不睡 单影无人相依偎
夜越黑 梦违背 有谁肯安慰
我的世界将被摧毁 或许颓废也是另一种美
天灰灰 会不会 让我入睡 夜越黑 梦违背 有谁安慰

Thursday, November 27, 2003

It's just amazing how time flies...

Two and a half months have lapsed since I embarked on this journey, and every second in this period of time has been spent orientating myself, adapting myself, and even conditioning myself to a different time zone, to a different lifestyle, to a different climate, to a different environment, to a different culture and to a different state of mind. Most if not all people (including myself before I began this odyssey) would think that at first glance, studying abroad is a glamorous thing... Yes, it is to a certain extent (probably an insignificant extent). But with the fascination and excitement of unknown and uncertainty come inevitably never-ending doubts, fears, questions and problems that seem to haunt and plague me every moment. In this process of continuous self-acclimatisation and self-accommodation, I have learnt to accept individual differences more openly; I have learnt to accept that prejudice and discrimination indeed exist and are unavoidable; I have discovered that the world out there is so dynamic and all along I've been living in this dark abyss; I have realised that there are so much more things awaiting my discovery; I have comprehended that human beings cannot survive alone... we need families and friends; I have reflected upon myself and am continuing to do so.

And along with the thrill of being able to tour around and have fun at the same time, comes the constant reminder of responsibility. Why is it that I've been able to receive education easily without any difficulties, while there are so many people out there trying means and ways to go to school (obviously I am not referring to Singapore though this might apply to a small minority)? Why is it that I'm fortunate enough to be able to come to London? Why is it that a third party that has nothing to do with me is willing to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars and pounds to support my university education and living expenses?

Obviously with all these come expectations and obligations and the duties to perform and excel. The concept of "home" just gets reinforced and strengthened in my soul with every passing day.

After all, I guess that's what studying abroad is all about...

And this brings me to the point that I almost certainly do not understand, for example the logic to why an adolescent deciding to come abroad to study and along with him/her, he/she brings her parents/caretakers/nannies to take care of his/her everyday needs. I do not understand the purpose of people wanting to come to university and on the other hand, wanting to be spoon-fed all the time. I do not understand why people are just concerned with good grades and marks and ignore the rudimentary process of thinking and acquiring knowledge. Are we humans generally just too materialistic and superficial? A friend once told me that if university has failed to make us think, then we have failed to see the purpose of university. In fact, I think many graduates cannot think (not implying that I can think... so, it's time to reflect upon myself again...).

Hmm... what then have we been doing all this while? What is the significance of university then?
Starting off this blog with one of my favourite quotes:

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, to discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then get the whole and genuine meaness of it, and publish its meaness to the world; or, if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion."

By Henry David Thoreau in "Walden or Life in the Woods"