2004年最后一篇
Last Entry of 2004

年关将近，我习惯总结过去，回顾过去。

当然，我也会定期常常总结过去，因为一年太长，很多事发生，我无法等到一年结束才回顾一年来所发生的大小事。所以，我习惯几个月就回顾过去。到了伦敦，季节的结束理所当然成为回顾的时候。

翻阅了一年来的 blog ，是很多事发生，不过还有很多事没写，是我选择不写，因为这些事或许不应该在这里公开，因为有些事是只有自己才会明白（或者不明白），而世界上其他的人是无法理解只有我明白（或者不明白）的事的。我知道你在读，有你关心对我来说是很窝心。但是，我不知道到底有谁在看，所以这个本来是宣泄情绪的地方已经让我写得很片面，很表面，很 superficial。很多时候，我只是形容事情的来龙去脉，我去了哪里，我做了什么，我要做什么……仅此而已。我也不知道为什么你还在看我写的垃圾，因为现在回头看，我觉得很多时候，我是在浪费我的时间写，浪费你的时间读。

把生活写出来，很多人已经渐渐远去，因为已经没有和我直接沟通的必要，只要到这里来，就能大概了解我的近况如何。当别人知道我的近况而我不知道他们过得怎样，我觉得我变得很脆弱，甚至不堪一击。When other people knows everything that’s happened to me and I don’t know how they are doing, I feel vulnerable. 我不喜欢这样的感觉，或许，这是我曾经决定不写的原因。其实，当初决定写，决定公开写的东西，就应该料到会有这么一个结果。

新的一年，写还是会写，因为我还是需要一个我可以尽情调色的版。在英文挂帅的社会，我需要方块字的寄托。

不过，我希望2005年能改变写的方式，写的内容。我希望写的是我的感受，我的看法，而不是今天的天气怎样，今天做了什么，今天去了哪里，考试压力多大，等等……这几个月在这里（Hampstead），环境非常清幽，遇见很多不可思议的人，因此有了一些想法、感受、反思。

我希望可以成功地把这些转换成文字，而不是流水帐写生活。

无论你是谁，谢谢你这一年来陪伴着我。新年快乐。

Christmas

I have never spent my Christmas this way before, simple but memorable. Jogging around Hampstead and the heath, last minute Christmas shopping with Alvaro in Hampstead (of course I had crepes again), midnight mass and hymns at the chapel followed by punch and snacks, formal lunch with aperitif, exchange of Christmas presents (I got a Muji 2005 diary!), films in the evening… In short, it was a very relaxed English Christmas, though it wasn’t a white one.

I enjoyed Christmas really and all of a sudden, I realise I actually love London, even the dreary weather that I love to complain about is actually nice in a way that I can’t describe it as yet this moment.

So deciding not to travel this time round does have its pros.

遇见她？
～～法国巴黎（二）

参观 Louvre Museum 后准备去香榭丽舍大道的途中，经过 Louvre 毗邻的公园的时候，我几乎给这公园给慑住了。我从来没有到过法国巴黎，可是公园的一草一木却让我感觉我是回到这公园，而不是第一次到这公园。

往公园深处走，我看到熟悉的旋转木马，看到熟悉的喷泉，看到熟悉的大圆形水池，甚至看到熟悉的凳子，还有熟悉的鸽子。就连当时的天气也非常熟悉。一切似曾相识，然后马上恍然大悟。于是，我在这个公园逗留了好一阵子，久久发呆。

几米是不是从这公园取得灵感并不重要，重要的是世界上真的有这样浪漫的公园。

我看到金城武和梁咏琪在我面前闪过。金城武拉着小提琴，坐在凳子上喂排着队的鸽子，梁咏琪骑着脚车到公园去，两人不曾看到对方。然后，两人坐在水池旁，金城武吃着他的面包，梁咏琪在翻阅她的讲译。接着一阵风莫名其妙地把梁咏琪的讲译吹到水池中，金城武急忙跑去帮梁咏琪。两条平行线交会了……

“我想，我等，我期待，未来却不能因此安排。阴天，傍晚，车窗外，未来有一个人在等待…… 我排着队，拿着爱的号码牌……我遇见谁，会有怎样的对白。我等的人，他在多远的未来。”

或许，有些人不必刻意地等，要来的始终会来。或许，我早在几年前就已经遇见了她，只是当时的我不愿意开始什么，承诺什么。又或许，她不是我的她，所以到现在什么也没发生，我还在等待总有一天会遇见我的她。

“我往前飞，飞过一片时间海……总有一天，我的谜底会解开。”

一切随缘吧。

我们都是这场闹剧的主角

今天在早报网看到华文报的人事调动，让我清楚知道我毕业后六年的新闻合约不可能做 stand-upper 或者做 VO 的事实已经成为无法扭转的定局了。以前实习的时候，老是跟自己说以后上电视的机会多的是，于是实习的时候总是偷懒，用 VO 带过新闻，这样就省却做 stand-upper 和 NG 的时间。传美还曾跟我说，以后有关电视新闻要学的还多着，才几个月的时间，现在想做都没有机会了，这是一种很矛盾的感受。日后的新闻工作量可能因为电视媒体的整合减少了，但却可能也变的乏味了许多。还以为日后可以很自豪地跟别地的媒体朋友说，岛国的记者是双栖的，现在“双栖”一词已经走入历史。“我们都是这场闹剧的主角”，我记得琬绯几个月前这样形容，实在贴切。

华文报的前景大家都心知肚明。没有多少人在看，我们还这么卖力干嘛？但是如果没有人肯卖力，就连我们也放弃了，那根本没有什么前景可以谈了。

这样一来，我是应该去好好提升自己，毕竟自己的政治知识和对中国的了解几乎等于零。这样下去，我不知道要做几年的记者才能达到我偶像李慧玲的水准。

我是应该考虑到北大攻读硕士学位的可能性。

No bags, no travel

I understand perfectly my steadfast desires to travel and to get out of London whenever there’s a holiday or a break. That’s why when Yoichi asked me if he can borrow my Deuter backpack for his trip to Rome and Japan, I agreed without any contemplation. And then when Pearson asked me if he can borrow my suitcase as he’s going home to Zimbabwe for Christmas, I lent him my suitcase almost immediately as well.

So, I deliberately lent out all my bags and now, I have no luggage at all to travel with (many other people are going away too, so I have no people to borrow from). I clearly know that my travel desires will eventually snowball into something that I myself can’t control that I’ll most probably book a last minute flight to Madrid or Athens. So, it’s easy now. No bags, no travel. I’ll stay in dreary London for the 1st time during a break.

Anyway, the thought of spending my summer in South America is inviting enough, though I just realised that it will be winter there and then. My application for at least a 6-week stay in Peru got accepted a few weeks ago. Hopefully I’ll be able to accomplish something meaningful while in Peru, just like in Thailand. And hopefully with sufficient Spanish skills by then, I will be able to go to Brazil, Argentina et al. for another 2-3 weeks.

Facing a difficult choice between Europe and South America with limited financial resources, I will choose the latter since I’ve been to 7 European countries already and they all look the same after some time.

South America, here I come!

3 度的跑

今天的天气很好，一朵白云也没有，可是却异常地冷。天空也异常地湛蓝，就像你现在看到这样的蓝。我不想错过这样的好天气，于是，我跑出家门在 3 度的 Hampstead 跑了 40 分钟，竟然在 3 度的空气中留了一大堆汗，很凉很爽。

跑啊跑，看到很多圣诞树，才意识到还有六天就是圣诞节了，于是又想起了这首我很喜欢，你不可能不喜欢的歌。

圣诞快乐。

"Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" by Garth Brooks

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on our troubles will be out of sight
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the yuletide gay
From now on our troubles will be far away

Once again as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more

Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now

Once again as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more

Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now

Birthday on Tuesday in Hampstead

It wasn’t anything fancy. Just a simple get together at 10pm in the evening, with an ordinary birthday cake as usual, with 30 over people singing the all-too-familiar birthday song, with 30 over guys of different nationalities giving their wishes and blessings deep from their heart, and also in different languages as well.

Prior to that, Neil, Ben and I had a nice evening walk around Hampstead after dinner. Neil, who knows Hampstead like the back of his hand, brought Ben and I to another part of Hampstead that we’ve never been before, even though it is really near our house. Christmas trees, lights, carols make Hampstead more appealing than ever. No wonder so many people want to live here. For instance, George Orwell worked in Hampstead and Keats stayed here before. Sigmund Freud stayed in Hampstead before as well, just opposite my house. I’ll write about Sigmund Freud House next time.

After which the three of us had 1.5 pints of Stella each at this simply gorgeous traditional English pub in Hampstead called Holly Bush. The pub is situated on a small hill, the interior of which is really cosy and lovely. This is the first time I went to this pub and I really adore it. Holly Bush has a history of more than 200 years, which reminds me of Trout Inn in Oxford (Trout Inn is 900+ years old). I really love Trout Inn as well and I hope to go back when I re-visit Oxford again. Old traditional pubs just exude an inexorable charm on me that I can’t resist.

I’m loving Hampstead more and more. Neil says Hampstead is even better than Mayfair and I absolutely have to agree. I’ll write about Hampstead crepes (I’ve tried 30 over different crepes so far, a few more to finish everything on the menu!!), Hampstead Heath and Kenwood House among many fabulous things in Hampstead in the near future.

Thanks

Hey guys,

Thanks a lot! I"ve had a wonderful fantastic 22nd birthday today! I'll write more when I'm more sober! :p

yw-a-bit-drunk

Christmas Carols

Yesterday night was carols - my first in my entire life. There were more than 100 people, I think, in the lounge singing the all-too-familiar Christmas carols. I seriously don’t know where they come from. Anyway, we had a nice cosmopolitan crowd of Germans, French, Italians, Spanish, Koreans, Chinese, British etc. Wine was of course an important part of the night, along with lots of punch and juice. This is the first time that I actually feel the Christmas atmosphere - I have a Christmas tree in my lobby, I had turkey for Christmas dinner last week, and Christmas isn’t even here yet. Now Christmas presents will be perfect to bring everything to a beautiful end on December 25. :p

黄城度过就可以了

这几天编辑 Hwa Chong Nite 的刊物，城的回忆自然而然地在我脑海里反复闪烁。然后听着《听城》，听着属于我们的歌曲，看着我们在城里拍的照片，然后听到《唱一首华初的歌》，又理所当然地想起梁文福几个月前写的那首同名的诗。那两年的时光虽然已经远去，但是却历历在目。那两年真的像梦一样，在城里是梦是醒我真的搞不清楚，或许部分原因是睡眠不足所以我才会觉得半梦半醒。原来，我一直活在自己的那段历史中，我一直守护这个如泡沫般脆弱的梦境。现在才发现，这一切都是多余的。城门如今永远封闭，我对城的回忆实在没有必要执拙下去。

老套但简单地说：“生是黄城的人，死是黄城的鬼。”

黄城我们曾经度过，这样就可以了，这样就足够了。

梦的虔诚
～～《华初之夜》序

在阴冷的伦敦，我看到我遗失的梦，在黑暗中微微发着光。

原来，这梦一直都存在，只是被我淡忘了。

现在，因为其他城人，我找着了这个不只是我的梦，也是很多城人的梦。

我们在奔城前做了不知多久的梦，殷勤梦想可以成为城的子女。之后终于进城了，然后在城中做了两年的绚丽灿烂但短暂的梦。梦醒后，我们离开城后，仍然继续做着很多其他的美梦，甚至在十万八千里的异乡继续延续我们的梦。

如今，我们继续陶醉在只有我们能理解的梦中，我们继续守护属于我们的梦。

于是，有了今晚如梦般朦胧的“童话”。

或许，有时当梦变得太真实的时候，已经分不清到底是梦还是醒了。

城中有梦梦中梦，城外有梦梦外梦；城中梦，睡着梦；城外梦，醒时梦。是梦非梦？是醒非醒？

或许，是梦是醒已不重要了，因为即使我们的城没有了，即使我们的城倒了，只要有梦，有梦的城就不寂寞，守护梦的你我就不孤单。

（这是我为《Hwa Chong Nite 2004-05》Magazine 写的序。）

Foggy London

I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me when I woke up yesterday morning seeing everything blurry in front of me. It did not take me long to realise that the infamous London fog had returned. Temperatures have wavered around freezing point last weekend and these few days. This heralded the early arrival of winter, much earlier than last year, and it’s forecasted that we might have a white Christmas in London this year, since Warwick and Nottingham have already snowed 2 weeks ago. There is seriously something very wrong with the London weather and seasons now.

Money

The desperate need for money has prompted me to sacrifice my precious time to engage in many experiments. Yesterday’s Economics experiment was the best so far - I earned 13 pounds in a short-40-minutes-span. Somehow I always feel better when I convert back to Singapore dollars in this kind of context - that’s S$40 in 40 minutes or an earning of S$1 per minute! The past two months had seen my bank reserves increased by 104.5 pounds for taking part in 15 experiments. That’s extremely easy money and I’ve two more coming up.

But I still need more money to live comfortably (read: to be able to eat Hampstead crepes every two or three days) and to cover my Peru expenses, and so I’ve decided to scout for part-time work around Hampstead. There are lots of shops looking for temp staff due to the festive season, so it shouldn’t be a huge problem looking for work. Hopefully I’ll be able to earn a few hundred pounds over Christmas and New Year.

Christmas Dinner

Yesterday night was Christmas Dinner as well. Everybody dressed up in suits and everybody thought the mandarin collar suit I was wearing was Singapore’s national dress, after which I tried to explain that Singapore actually don’t have its own national dress. All along I thought my suit was Chinese until somebody told me that my suit might be Indian instead.

Anyway, we had the aperitif as usual before the dinner, and then turkey for the actual dinner which I thought wasn’t that fantastic. Nevertheless, the red wine was very good. The dinner (and toasts) lasted almost two hours, which I thought was very long since it’s the traditional British dinner with only three courses. Then was a Christmas Show put up by some guys and in short, we enjoyed ourselves tremendously and thoroughly. I’m looking forward to Christmas in Hampstead.

Oh, so I’m not invisible

“Hey, I haven’t seen you for more than a week! How have you been?”

I got the above response from Conrad, Eugene, Neil, Henry, Antonio, Alvaro amongst many others on different occasions in my hall, after disappearing for more than 10 days, after skipping dinner for more than 10 days because of my schedule so hectic that I even had to bunk in at Justin’s place one night because we stopped working on the props at 2 am.

And I really feel good that there are actually people who are concerned about me. People who aren’t Singaporeans. People I thought who can’t be bothered with everything else except their own lives.

So, I am really glad that I’ve chosen not to share a flat with Singaporeans then. I am really glad that I’m in Netherhall instead.

Like what Eugene said very exaggeratingly, “Just having friends from Netherhall is more than sufficient. We basically won’t be lonely even without any other friends.”

Hence, I’ve decided to stay here for my third year as well, even though the rules are really strict. Simply because of the wonderful Hampstead environment, because of the ever-tempting Hampstead crepes, because of the incredible people here at Netherhall.

Anyway, that’s the sole purpose in pursuing an overseas education, ain’t it? I’m here in London not to stay in my comfort zone and I’m not here to mix with Singaporeans only.

I’m happy I’ve made the right choice.

The Crazy Past Week
(more photos will be uploaded on my gallery when I have the time)



Part of the 30-member-cast-and-crew



Justin & I did the Chinese restaurant set



Declan and I


(1) Pagoda Street

The past week has been crazy with theatre (read: drama theatre). I spent more hours in the Garage Theatre than in the lecture theatre. In the end, I did not hand in my essay which I knew I could never complete in time because I did not do my reading. I had nothing to say in my seminar class because I did not do my reading. I did not run my experimental subjects which I was supposed to, hence we had to find subjects last minute during the lab class. I slept late every night and so, overslept every morning and in the end, I had to skip the first lecture at 10 am every day (Note that 10 am is early by British standards).

Now that Pagoda Street has ended, a sense of emptiness overwhelmed, similar to the PHD (read: Post-Huang-cheng-Depression) syndrome experienced after Huang Cheng. Though the spirit in Pagoda Street is not even 10% that of Huang Cheng’s, it still felt extremely heart-warming before, during and after every performance. More friendships forged and it’s pleasant to know that my props buddy gained something extra from the musical as well. Heh… :p

(2) 2nd VS Haircut

I had my second Vidal Sassoon Haircut on Friday, not too bad an experience except for the fact that this is my most time-consuming haircut ever, even longer than the 1st VS haircut. This time round, it was a cool Greek chap from Cyprus who took 3 1/2 hours playing with my hair. Disconnecting wasn’t done; squaring was done instead. And I absolutely have to mention that his head massage was incredible. VS techniques are really good. Too bad Singapore has no VS.

(3) Other crazy stuff

With the end of Pagoda Street, it’s time to move on to accomplish some other important (and crazy) things on my agenda…

*Finally decided not to travel far at all (read: fly out of UK) this December unless some last minute plans emerged. So, I might still go to Scotland.

*I thought going to Peru is crazy enough for me, but something in my heart tells me that I should extend my Peru trip to include nearby places like Argentina, Brazil, Ecuador and some other South American countries also. (I need intensive physical training and Spanish lessons soon to cope with the altitude and the Incan trail and everything else in Peru.)

*Desperately finding some sponsors to finance my Peru trip - need to write 4 essays to apply for the ProWorld scholarship (why do US people like to include essays in application forms so much?) and 1 essay and 2 forms for the UCL travel grant.

*Looking through some post-grad courses and sadly realised that I can’t apply to some universities like Harvard because their courses are at least two years long. Looks like I’m left with Stanford and Yale and Chicago, which I doubt I’ll get in as well.

*Need to study for GRE really soon because I will not have any time in summer.

*Thinking of going on host UK as well.

*Might be flying to Scandinavia to visit some friends early next year, and hopefully catch the Northern Lights.

*Might be doing another drama production in spring next year.

*Meanwhile, busy with the editing of the magazine for Hwa Chong Nite (WW and I thought it wouldn’t take us too long but we were damn wrong; we weren’t even half way through yet).

*And Christmas dinners and gatherings and charity runs and presentations coming up blah blah blah…

The above should be sufficient to keep me occupied for the rest of my second university year, so as not to let it pass unremarkably. It then seems like studying has become my part-time work really and other things (besides studying) take up 99% of my time now. Anyway, my days in London are numbered, and every moment is important and so I can’t afford to lose any.

In short, I’m leading a crazy life now. I need more sleep and more time and some drug more potent than caffeine.

Pagoda Street 宝塔街

These few months of work have finally paid off.

Today is the day.

我好像又再次找回戏剧和剧场给我的美好感觉。

But this time is different.

This is my first musical overseas (2nd musical though).

虽然这次的规模没有《黄城》的大，但是《Pagoda Street》是我们一群在伦敦留学的新加坡学生的结晶。

在异乡搞戏剧真的不容易，尤其是搞有关新加坡文化的戏剧，而且是音乐剧。（因为在伦敦，所以钱是个很大的问题。如何吸引洋人来看，以及洋人是否明白又是很大的问题。）所以，当一切逐渐成型的时候，我们是很兴奋的。When we’ve sold out all the performances, we are really encouraged. 这是《黄城》所无法给我的满足感。

That’s why, we’ve been working hard for the past 2 months. That’s why, we’ve been skipping lectures. That’s why, we’ve been working till past midnight (even till 2 am) for the past few days.

And the results are really satisfying, in fact magically amazing.

原来，我没有忘记怎样做道具。

接下来的几天，又要置身在剧场的黑暗，是陌生也是熟悉。所有的舞台专有名词突然全部从脑袋深邃的一隅跑了出来。当然还有谢幕。

于是，自然而然地想起《我要唱一首华初的歌》。

心情是复杂的。

不过，我是非常期待今晚还有接下来几天的演出。

观众的掌声永远是最好的礼物。

期待。

P.S. Channel News Asia is reporting on it these few days, not sure exactly when though. The Straits Times Life has an article today.

我需要温暖

我看到我妹妹写的文字的时候，根本没有办法想象。

“他倒下，她喊她，她冲进，她求救，他们拨了995，救伤车在十分钟内赶到，大伙连忙赶到医院……

……他不止第一次倒下。他在短短一周内跌了不知几次了。是担心也是害怕。每回倒下都流下鲜血、每回倒下都无助地躺在地上、每回倒下都迷茫地望着某处。他一天比一天瘦。是没胃口、是不吃不喝。他一天比一天弱。他一天比一天苍老……”

更叫我难以置信的是：

“……前天，他拿了绳子并将它绑在厕所里的水管。再反应迟钝的人都能猜到他想结束他那八十三年的生命。当然他没有成功。她阻止了他……”

零度的伦敦天气只能让自己更难受。我需要一点温暖。一点就够了。我不贪心。

希望还在

很奇怪，调了色了，心情越变越差。（我是应该调成吉利的红色吗？？？）

不好的事一件一件的来，坏的消息接踵而至。

而我越来越忙，连打回家的时间也没有。

现在，他刚刚被紧急送入医院，我才开始感觉有点愧疚。

躺在病床上的他，在电话的另一端一直对我说他没事。

他讲的每一个“没事”，我的心就痛了一阵。

我希望我不用飞回新加坡，出席他的Ｘ礼。

（为了吉利，不把Ｘ字打出来。）

在医院的他，希望一切安好。

只要有希望，请不要放弃。

在十万八千里的孙子为你祷告。

又调色了。

天气越来越冷，秋天还没有结束，冬天就好像已经悄悄地来了，白天越来越短，黑夜越来越长，我讨厌这种反常的日子，于是调成灰色，心情也变灰色了。回顾过去几个月的日子，不开心的事不多，是件好事。原来，心情也是有季节的。现在，随着冬天的来临，不开心的事越来越多，心情也越来越灰。我讨厌冬天。

P.S. I decided to remove the one-year-old tagboard, cos it has been giving this page a lot of problems. Anything, just drop me an email or use the "comments" function at the end of each entry.

不喜欢
～～巴黎（一）

我不喜欢法国的首都。

对于欧洲各国的首都，我不是很钟情，我反而喜欢其他小城市。比如我不是很喜欢 Rome、Vienna、Amsterdam 等。其他城市如 Venice、Salzburg、Kinderdijk 反而更加漂亮，更加吸引我。

或许我和各国的首都没有缘分。

但是，还没去巴黎之前，我以为我会破例喜欢上这个“浪漫”的法国首都。只因为 Eiffel Tower、Louvre、Notre Dame、Moulin Rouge、Champ-Elysees、Sacre Caeur、Versailles 等等的存在，所以我以为巴黎会有她独特的美丽和魅力。

我在巴黎待了整整四天，结果并非如此。

我不喜欢巴黎。

Eiffel Tower 是很浪漫，Louvre 是很壮观，Notre Dame 是很雄伟，Moulin Rouge 是很华丽，Champ-Elysees 是很有情调……这些我并不否认。

但是，整个巴黎城市并没有我想象中的幽雅、高贵；相反的，巴黎的大街小巷都是垃圾，又脏又臭，地下铁也真的很龌龊，而且法国人到处吐痰，跟伦敦相比差不到哪里。

与其说巴黎浪漫，不如说只有巴黎铁塔以及 Champ-Elysees 浪漫。仅此而已。

巴黎委实和其他大城市没有多大的分别。巴黎已经逐渐失去她独一无二的特色。

这是城市化、商业化和环球化的结果吧？旅游业的蓬勃发展当然也得负很大的责任。

如果我破坏你对浪漫巴黎的美好印象，那对不起。

当然，以上的感受纯属本人的感受；以上论点也只是考虑到地理、环境的因素而已。

人为因素也是很重要的。

独自背包旅行去哪里都好，就是千千万万不要一个人去巴黎，也不要三五成群地去巴黎。

巴黎根本容不下孤独的旅人；巴黎只容得下成双成对的情侣。

要感受巴黎的浪漫，两个人去巴黎准没错。

其实，和对的人去ＸＸＸ，ＸＸＸ都会很漂亮，尽管ＸＸＸ并不怎么样。

下次去巴黎，我不会一个人去。

Guy Fawke's

Today is Guy Fawke's Night and it's supposed to be a happy day. Everything went well in the beginning. Four of us met for dinner, or rather Dim Sum, at Dong Hai in Chinatown. We haven't met one another for a long time, so it was nice chatting and stuff. Then as we settled the bill and were about to leave, the unexpected happened - WL discovered his bag, which was left on the ground and his lap top in it, was missing, or rather stolen. (My bag could have been stolen as well, mine was just next to his.) I have friends who had their bags stolen at cafes, pubs, and discos. But, a bag stolen in a reputable Chinese restaurant? A bag stolen without the four of us seeing the process? The thief must be really skillful. That's the first time we've encountered that in a Chinese restaurant. (Obviously, we hope this is the only time.)

Everybody knows that you can never recover anything that is lost/stolen in London. So we gave up after a search in the restaurant and the surrounding area. We went to the police station at Charing Cross to make a report after that.

Anyhow, no point feeling angry or disappointed with "some" Londoners. It's reading week from today, and I'm really happy that I'm leaving dreary London for Paris in 24 hours!

Then again, all the comments and stories I've heard about Paris have been negative. Unsafe. Dirty. Polluted. Shall describe more when I come back.

(By the way, G and S dropping by London next week as well. :D)

省钱万岁！

一年一度的伦敦电影节后天落幕，
自开幕以来已经有十多天，
上映百多部好电影，
可能更多，
可是我一部也没看。
是有很多电影想看（怎么说也是伦敦电影节），
而且 West End 还有很多音乐剧等着我去看，
也不是没有时间（时间是自己安排的），
只是因为要省钱。
很多时候，
鱼与熊掌，不可兼得。
既然已经肯定夏天会去周游东欧各国，
然后去 Peru 做义工；
既然知道自己对 Hampstead crepes 的诱惑无法抗拒；
既然旅行的欲望一直蠢蠢欲动；
既然我需要很多钱去报考 GRE 还有硕士课程；
既然……
所以只好选择不看电影；
所以只好省钱吃 Snickers bar，
然后把省下的钱去吃 Hampstead crepes （是很矛盾）；
所以下星期去巴黎选择坐十个小时的巴士，
而不是坐两小时半的 Eurostar （为的只是省二十英磅）；
所以很多书要买，
结果一本也没有买……
钱的重要性是不容忽视的。
当然我知道钱不是万能的，
但是这个世界什么都讲钱。
现在的生活一直围绕着“省钱”而周转。
要做什么，要去哪里，
首先考虑的是会不会花钱，
然后是算会花多少钱，
然后决定会花的钱会不会影响以上的活动。
比如，本来是想后天跟他们去看 Phantom of the Opera 的，
结果因为要省钱，
所以也决定不去了，
反正自己看过了（这是 Freud 所说的 rationalisation 吧），
虽然 Phantom 是百看不厌的，而我是真的很想看的。
现在甚至考虑十二月的寒假哪里都不去，
几乎打消去埃及的计划，
乖乖呆在伦敦颓废，
因为这样可以省下五百英磅。
很多时候，
做人不能太贪心，
既然要这样，就不能那样。
没办法，我要省钱！
搞不好，
我得在异乡替别人打工赚钱。
省钱万岁！

A warm Halloween Saturday - the day before daylight savings kick in

Korean Lunch

Ten of us had a sumptuous Korean lunch at a traditional Korean restaurant off Tottenham Court Road. The food was good, the company was good, the price was good (only 7 pounds, considering the variety we had). And it always amazes me how the ang-mohs will persistently learn how to use chopsticks correctly, whereas our generation of Chinese (or younger) doesn’t really care so much. The Caucasians are really interested in Chinese culture, or Asian culture in general. Ricaldo was desperately learning how to use the chopsticks from me, without much success obviously. But it was still heart-warming to see how our culture can evoke the interests of so many people in a country miles and miles away. And then, we had a traditional Italian dessert (more specifically, it’s dessert from Sicily), with courtesy of Ricaldo’s girlfriend who brought it all the way from Sicily. So it’s like a cultural exchange, really nice.

National Portrait Gallery

Next, three guys had to head back home to work. So, the seven of us left decided to go to the National Portrait Gallery for some culture immersion. The weather was really nice and warm; the sun was bright and sunny, atypical of autumn weather. We didn’t even need a jacket to roam around on the streets. We spent about 3 hours in the gallery, good portraits as well, which includes both classic and contemporary works which gives a good overall impression of British history. It’s surprising how David Beckham is in as well. Anyway, it’s one more museum off my must-visit-museums list now. Hopefully, I’ll have the time to go to Tate Britain and Tate Modern soon.

Halloween

Then we headed back home for dinner, which was very different from the normal dinners. We had dinner in the dark, with eerie music and skeletons hanging around the dining room. And of course, we had the pumpkins as well. Yah, it’s the annual Halloween (actually it’s the eve)! We didn’t dress up in weird costumes for dinner though.

Quartet Concert

After dinner was a quartet concert, which was again really impressive. The performance was fantastic, so did the red wine at the reception. I exerted control on myself this time round, so I had only three glasses (it was two in the first place, Yoichi instigated me to have another one). :p

Hampstead Crepes (again!)

Antonio and I felt hungry after the concert and wine, so naturally we need food to satisfy our hunger, and Hampstead crepes naturally came to mind. So off we walked to the Hampstead creperie atop the little hill. And man, this was the first time I saw such a long queue, maybe it’s because it was Saturday night, so we queued for 40 minutes before it was our turn to order (at 1130 pm!!!). I had a Banana Maple Cream Dream, which was incredibly delicious. This was my fourth Hampstead crepe for the week, by the way. I had Banana Rum in Dark Belgian Chocolate, and Lemon & Sugar on Friday, and Crepe Complete on Thursday. I’m half way through to trying all the 20 odd crepes they have on the menu. Yah, I’m that crazy about Hampstead crepes now, having it once every few days. Well, before I had Hampstead crepes, I thought the crepes at Marche were good, now I think the Marche crepes are crap really. Hampstead crepes aren’t famous without reasons. And oh yah, I was told the Hampstead crepes at the South Kensington branch were crap as well, though I haven’t tried them myself. So, I guess the original is still the best.

Daylight savings

Lastly, it is the time of the year to adjust our clocks and watches by an hour again. For the next six months or so, the time difference between London and Singapore will be eight hours, instead of seven. We’ll have shorter days and longer nights in winter soon, which I really detest. Anyway, it’s time to do some constructive work after the day off yesterday, so that I’ll be able to go to Paris next week without feeling guilty.

I’m going to Peru!

It’s incredible that this time round, SPH took only one day to say yes to my Peru volunteer trip in summer 2005, whereas it took them 2 weeks to allow me to go for the YEP 2 months ago. What’s even amazing is that SPH has decided to waive my internship totally (they almost never do that!), even though I only requested for a reduction in the internship period from the initial 8 weeks to 6 weeks. But of course there are conditions attached if I decided to take up this offer - SPH will not pay for my round trip air tickets for the next academic year because “We do not fly scholars back for such a short stint. Scholars will have to purchase own round trip air ticket back.”…

So, to go or not to go is a huge question mark. If I do go, it will cost me a fortune - 1150 pounds for the Peru trip itself, at least an additional 800 pounds to fly to Peru from London, and another 2000 odd Singapore dollars to fly from Singapore to London if I do go home after Peru. So, after weighing the economical pros and cons, I might not go home next summer, since I do want to go to Peru after all. But then again, I simply can’t imagine myself not going home for two whole years. On the other hand, if I do not go to Peru, I’ll just go back to SPH and serve my normal routine internship for 8 weeks, and get paid for 50 bucks a day, and not only that, SPH will pay for my return air tickets from home to London.

Since money is the crux of the whole quandary, I relented and negotiated with Winnie that I’ll be able to squeeze out 7 weeks of internship, instead of the proposed 6 weeks. (That means starting work immediately after flying from Peru to London to home, and ending work 2 days before school starts.) And Winnie and the management relented as well, so I'm going to Peru next summer after all! What’s more, I get to earn some money while interning and I don’t have to pay for my air tickets from London to Singapore and vice versa. I guess that’s the best solution since I can’t think of anything better.

Anyhow, I still need 2000 pounds!!!

Now, I need lots of luck to do some fundraising for the Peru trip.

255-quids-glasses

The price to pay for breaking my pair of spectacles in London is 255 British pounds (800 Sing dollars). That’s for a new decent pair of thin lens, though I can get a cheaper alternative for 99 pounds with the standard lens. With that amount of money, I most probably can get 8 years supply of contact lenses back home. Argh… I doubt I will make another pair of glasses in my entire life.

Transport frustrations

The London transport system is getting on my nerves. The buses can change their final destinations anyhow while on the move, so passengers already on the bus who happily think that the bus is going to Hampstead Heath have to disembark from the bus halfway at Chalk Farm without any compensations and explanations, simply because the bus driver decides while driving halfway that the bus should only go as far as Chalk Farm. And how can I forget the bus waits as long as an hour, after which five buses of the same route arrive simultaneously? It’s ok for people like us possessing bus passes, but what about passengers who pay single fares? And single bus fares are going up to 1.20 quids with effect from next year. That’s a 20 pence (60 Singapore cents) increase, so naturally there should be a likewise improvement in bus services. But oh well, this is London, so I’m not expecting much.

Oh yah, how can I not mention the infamous London Underground, where services can terminate suddenly, where trains can reverse direction on the same track, where people can drop onto the tracks and run about and then disrupt the whole system (it just happened yesterday - a lunatic jumped down and jogged along the track at Piccadilly Circus Station, luckily we left the tube before this happened else we would have missed our movie), where the Metropolitan line can stop operating over the weekend, where the trains can derail many times last year??? And a single tube fare is an exorbitant 2 quids (6 Singapore dollars), and “as expected”, tube fares are also going to increase next year to “manage inflation rates”.

Ok, no use complaining so much. I shall tolerate this nonsense for at least 2 more years.

(On another note, “Old Boy” was an excellent movie and that sort of compensated everything described above.)

周末

周末总是一晃而过：星期六有个饭局；星期天则去了徐志摩的剑桥。

饭局

刚过去的星期六的饭局，是和一些 YEP 的人聚会，才赫然发现原来 YEP 已经过了两个多月了，而我们大家都已经回到英国。于是，我们又想起在泰国的时光，实在逍遥快乐。每次聚会每人都会带一样吃的，或是喝的，从泰国到新加坡，都是如此。如今回到伦敦，我们延续这样的传统。只不过，伦敦少了泰国的阳光，还有伦敦人少了泰国村民的真心诚恳。

剑桥

星期天终于去了 Cambridge ，不过我还是喜欢 Oxford 多一点。 Cambridge 确实是个读书的好地方，环境很清幽，不过有点闷，没有 Oxford 那样 vibrant。或许是因为《再别康桥》，所以对剑桥的期望太高，结果风景没有想象中的绚丽，有点失望。不过，徐志摩的剑桥还是漂亮的，只因这首诗。

（我们本来是想尝试 punting 的，结果没有勇气，怕掉进康河里。）


再别康桥　　徐志摩

轻轻的我走了，
　　正如我轻轻的来；
我轻轻的招手，
　　作别西天的云彩。

那河畔的金柳
　　是夕阳中的新娘
波光里的艳影，
　　在我的心头荡漾。

软泥上的青荇，
　　油油的在水底招摇；
在康河的柔波里，
　　我甘心做一条水草

那树荫下的一潭，
　　不是清泉，是天上虹
揉碎在浮藻间，
　　沉淀着彩虹似的梦。

寻梦？撑一支长篙，
　　向青草更青处漫溯，
满载一船星辉，
　　在星辉斑斓里放歌

但我不能放歌，
　　悄悄是别离的笙箫；
夏虫也为我沉默，
　　沉默是今晚的康桥！

悄悄的我走了，
　　正如我悄悄的来；
我挥一挥衣袖，
　　不带走一片云彩。

A Little Tipsy on Tuesday

I guess it isn't really healthy to feel a little tipsy every few days. Downed eight (or was it ten?) glasses of red wine and a glass of white wine on Tuesday night, because the red wine is simply too good (the white one isn't fit for drinking) and I couldn't control myself. So there I was, feeling a bit tipsy again after the concert and reception. Nevertheless I still managed to help clear up the place, so I wasn't that drunk yet. Oh there's a quartet recital coming up next week, so that means there will be more wine to drink then! I'm starting to wonder if I'm attending the concerts because of the concert itself or because of the drinks served at the interval and reception. Well, I still have 2 bottles of red wine in my room, left from the reception on Tuesday. Hopefully, Neil forgets about that two bottles, and all will be mine.

Formal dinner

Friday evening was the formal dinner to welcome all residents in the new academic year, and it was really formal. Everybody donned the smartest suits and then we had the apertif first, followed by the traditional three course English dinner. I drank a bottle of beer for the apertif, quite a bit of red and white wine during the dinner and then unexpectedly got a bit tipsy after the dinner (oops!). Some of us (mainly Asians) weren't full after the dinner, so we went around Hampstead in search of food, and haha, in the end all of us couldn't decide what to eat and bought the Hampstead crepes instead. After which, five of us went to a pub and had more drinks (I had a bit of Guinness). Overall, it was just a short and simple dinner, but really a pleasant evening with lots of interactions. It's really, really amazing how cosmopolitan this place can be and all of us can be connected together via a common language - English.

The Chilterns

Nine of us went hiking in the Chilterns today, and amazingly all nine of us are from different countries - (1) Singapore, (2) Italy, (3) Spain, (4) Japan, (5) Trinidad, (6) England, (7) India, (8) Belgium and (9) Portugal.

Today was surprisingly sunny, the weather exceptionally good, perhaps its because we weren't in London.

The Chilterns lie only a few miles north-west of London in Buckinghamshire and yet they are an unspoilt area of rolling chalk hills, magnificent beechwoods, quiet valleys and charming brick and flint villages. A wonderful mosaic of woods, fields, hedges, sunken lanes and clear streams.

We took a train to Chalfont and Latimer, after which we walked about 10 miles in the Chilterns in 5 hours. A pretty relaxing walk with plenty of down-hills and up-slopes. The landscape was fantastic, but not the best I've seen (Peak District offers better views). Nevertheless, everybody agreed that it's a good workout on a Sunday and heh, Yoichi was almost half dead in the end.

Should be going somewhere next weekend as well. :)

School...

School has officially started on Monday, and its been barely a week and readings have already piled up. One list of readings every lecture, and that amounts to many many lists (note: it's lists) of readings for many many lectures per week. Deadlines are already nearing as well... argh... I have one in 6 days time! But lectures have been interesting, so reading the so many readings is rather enjoyable though its still a nightmare. Doing clinical psychology, health psychology, perception, attention and action this term. So studying stress/anxiety/depression when I'm already very stressed/anxious/depressed myself is actually pretty interesting. In case I go mad, I know how to analyse and treat myself. So its not a problem whether I'm stressed or not... Ok, I dunno what I'm talking about now. :/

Will be designing our own experiments this year, and running the subjects ourselves and analysing the data using SPSS and then the finale is writing the lab reports. Will be continuing German as well.

Sounds a lot of work, but I am still going to go travel. I don't care. I need to get out of dreary London.

Happy and cool :)

I’ve been a happy man these few days because:

(1) I’ve finally started on my exercise regime. Started jogging around Hampstead. Maybe football in Primrose Hill. Will be starting to gym next week, as soon as lectures and lab classes fall into place. :)

(2) I’ve found the legendary Hampstead crepes on the hill! And I totally love it, who doesn’t? Will be frequenting La Creperie de Hampstead very, very often, I suppose. :)

(3) I finally went to the National Gallery yesterday which I’ve always wanted to go. With more than 2000 European paintings on display, National Gallery is one of the world’s largest and finest galleries, and everybody knows that. So even though I don’t really know how to appreciate the paintings (well, at least one of Van Gogh’s Sunflowers is here), National Gallery is still a place worth visiting. This is also the first time I actually saw people seriously setting up their easels and equipment in front of the various artists’ works, and enthusiastically duplicating the works. Spent a couple of hours losing myself and watching people in the arts labyrinth, absolutely cool. :)

(4) I went to Brent Cross Shopping Centre (Zone 3) for the first time today and bought a Topman jacket for autumn. And yah, North London isn’t that isolated, at least there is a huge (and I mean really huge) shopping mall. And the people in Brent Cross shopping are comparable to the crowd on Oxford Street. Cool. Maybe shall go to Croydon one day. :)

(5) There’s a fellow Singaporean here as well. Now I won’t be that lonely. :)

(6) I’ve finally started planning on my weekend and holiday trips again. Hopefully (*fingers crossed*), I’ll be able to set foot on Africa this year - go to Egypt for Christmas. :)

想家？

奇怪，回来伦敦 10 天了，竟然完全没有想到家，是现在在这里想写点什么才意识到我并没有想家，“想家”这个概念才出现在脑里。想家是个怎样的感觉，我已经不知道了。我想我已经忘记怎样想家了。以前会天天听 933；现在已经完全没有这个习惯和冲动。以前会天天上 Straits Times 和早报的网站；现在反而天天看 Financial Times, Daily Telegraph 还有 The Times。以前会很渴望可以吃到 Laksa 还有 Cha Kway Teow；现在只想吃 Four Seasons 的鸭饭还有 Hampstead crepes。以前会很希望可以和岛国的人讲 Singlish；现在听到 Singlish 反而觉得有点刺耳。以前会几乎每星期打电话回家；现在已经 10 天没有打回家也不觉得怎样。

对家的思念没有了，反而越发想念起伦敦的一些地方，比如 Camden 还有 Covent Garden。现在每天搭 168 巴士去学校都会经过 Camden，每次经过都很想下车。今天在唐人街附近，就萌起了走去 Covent Garden 的冲动，结果我真的情不自禁走去了 Covent Garden，听到熟悉的四重奏，看到熟悉的 buskers，还差点就买了熟悉的 Thornton’s icecream。即使是冬天，Covent Garden 也会很温暖，很活泼。我真的很喜欢 Covent Garden，比喜欢我在岛国最喜欢的东海岸还要喜欢。

可能是刚离开不久吧，所以有关家的一切还算犹新，因此脑的神经中枢决定并没有必要启动“想家”这一程序。是好是坏我不知道。还是我已经对“家”这个概念变得越来越麻木？是自己因为新闻工作而变得冷血而且 disillusioned了？是自己开始嫌弃岛国？还是自己比较崇洋了？我现在实在说不上来。

P.S.

＊每次听到现在的背景音乐，我就会想起 Covent Garden 还有它给我的感觉。
＊Yo yo yo… alas I finally found the legendary Hampstead crepes… and they are indeed heavenly! One more reason to love Hampstead. :) :) :)

无根的生活

和这些离乡背井到这里念书的人交谈之后，发现他们几乎都有一个共同点。他们都说毕业后想继续待在伦敦，不想回国。问他们原因，他们异口同声说不是自己的国家不好，只是这里比较多大展拳脚的机会。有的还想走一步看一步，看尽人世间烟火再作打算。有的甚至已经在过着流浪无根的生活，表面上说在找工作，实际上每天在细细品尝享受生活的一点一滴。我委实很欣赏他们这样浪荡生活的勇气，因为我做不到，虽然我很想。

Netherhall

I wanted to write this down since I moved into Netherhall, but I always forget. This hall is rather extraordinary in many ways. First of all, the individual bedrooms do not have keyholes and so, there are no keys (or anything else) to lock the rooms. In other words, anyone can barge into the room as and when they wish. Seems a bit hair-raising in the beginning, but as one gets used to it, this “security issue” becomes redundant. I don’t know if thefts are common in the hall or not, but so far there are no thefts at all. So a lot of security actually depends on our own vigilance, the integrity of all the other hall mates and lastly, how much trust we have in each other.

Second, there is no internet access in the bedrooms, though there are common laboratories where we can lug our lap tops from our bedrooms to, and then plug them in to get connected with the whole wide world… I need to get used to this, especially since I am so used to leaving my machine on 24 hours 7 days a week when I was in Camden. Without the internet at my fingertips, I feel disconnected with the world. Then there is this stupid and pointless firewall, which I tried very hard to bypass and alas, I found the software Hopster to bypass and tunnel it (all the rest e.g. Http-tunnel just cannot work). But download speeds are damn slow, I give up. The verdict: no more free movies from now on.

Then, this hall has got curfews. Haha, an all men’s hall and yet, there is curfew. The times are actually reasonable but I just can’t accept the existence of curfews. A bit absurd and ridiculous, just like army and NS, but I guess it just takes time to get used to it. Anyway, rules are meant to be broken. So, let’s see…

One more thing is the laundry service. The hall provides such service at an exorbitant price of 7 pounds per week. And this has to be paid termly in advance for every week in the term, even though say, you don’t want to wash clothes for a week. So, the laundry cost actually amounts to 70 odd pounds per term. This is ridiculous man. I can’t imagine myself paying S$210++ (for 10 weeks) to do my laundry. And there are no other washing machines available in the hall. The hall is like giving you no other alternative except to succumb to their over-priced laundry service. This sucks big time man. So, I am not giving in and am still scouting around Hampstead for a reasonably-priced self-service laundrette. I can’t believe I have to wash my clothes in a public place with all the other British uncles and aunties. I thought such scenarios only appear in Mr Bean and Friends and the like. Hmm… this should be a novel experience in the days to come.

Despite all the negative attributes about this hall, everything else is fabulous. The food is ok, the people are very friendly, even the Brits (I’m amazed). Actually, living in Hampstead already outweighs everything else. I think if nothing goes wrong in the days to come and if I’m able to tolerate all the above mentioned, I might possibly stay here in my third year. I thought Camden was good, but I would never expect there is another place in London better than Camden. Hampstead is simply gorgeous and awesome that no words would do it justice. I have yet to explore the little shops, restaurants and pubs though, and of course Hampstead Heath. Shall go jogging there when the opportunity arises.

Photos of the Netherlands Uploaded


Penis-shaped chocolates in Amsterdam! Would you like some?


Keukenhof Gardens in bloom!


Scheveningen and the North Sea!


Very interesting architecture in Rotterdam


Lastly, how can I forget the windmills of Kinderdijk?

回到伦敦

（1）天

回到伦敦已经 5 天，这 5 天，天天很伦敦式地 cloudy, dreary, 今天（其实只是早上而已），伦敦终于放晴，天空很蔚蓝，风依旧很大，气温很舒服，大概 12-13 度，而且空气不像岛国的潮湿。走在大街上，很凉，很爽。白天和黑夜还算正常，不过现在太阳每天迟两分钟升起来，早两分钟下山。换句话说，萧瑟的秋天和冬天即将来临。

（2）地

现在居住的地方在 South Hampstead 一个小山脊柔和的角度之上，离大马路和 Tube Station 只需要走上 5 分钟。虽然如此，周围很恬静，根本听不到任何嘈杂的声响，只听到鸟鸣，还有孩子们欢蹦乱跳的轻快叫声（我的住处在一所 junior high school 旁边）。

来了短短的 5 天，虽然还没有真正深入 Hampstead 探个究竟，就已经爱上了 Hampstead。Hampstead 是一个能够让你马上和它陷入爱的旋涡的地方，就好像 Oxford 一样。这里设施应有尽有，还有一个超大的 Sainsbury。（我还以为 Camden 的 Sainsbury 已经很大，没想到现在这里的比 Camden 的大一倍。）基本上 Hampstead 跟 Camden 没有什么分别，只是没有Camden 来的杂，来的乱吧。或许应该说 Hampstead 比较像 Notting Hill 吧。 但是，Hampstead 又有绚丽的 Heath，这一点 Notting Hill 比不上。

也许 Hampstead 唯一的缺点就是，它距离学校实在远，而且没有 direct bus，搭 Tube 又很贵（因为 Hampstead 在 Zone 2 和 3 的边缘）。又不能像以前走路去学校，因为 Hampstead 离 Camden 有超过 3 公里的距离，而从 Camden 走路去学校，已经要花上 30-45 分钟。所以，日后怎么以最快捷，最便宜的途径去学校，日后开学了再研究吧。

（3）人

是应该写点周围的人了。这里比以前的宿舍还 cosmopolitan，有波兰人、法国人、德国人、意大利人、哥伦比亚人、非洲人等等，而且亚洲人不少，有中国人、菲律宾人、泰国人、印度人、香港人、马来西亚人……当然还有表面很热情的英国人（因为要和英国人熟络起来需要很多很多很多的啤酒来 break the ice）。人太多，我们介绍完了之后，已经把对方的名字忘到一干二净。

谈话之中，竟然发现这些人对岛国并不陌生，至少他们没有问我岛国在中国的哪个部分？来自英国的 Neil 问我：“Which part of Singapore do you come from?” 的时候，我愣了一下，不知道怎么回答，然后我回答说“Have you heard of Bedok?”，Neil 接着竟然说出：“Oh, Bedok Reservoir? Near East Coast right?”然后还说了一大堆，说今年12月5日岛国有 Singapore Marathon（真的吗？这个他也懂？我是新加坡人我自己都不知道），还有很多很多，仿佛比我还认识岛国。

Father Joe 也知道岛国刚换了总理，还问我李光耀在岛国还有多少影响力，还有，Alvin 也和我谈起有关岛国的种族问题，还有新马关系。天啊，这些人太厉害了，岛国这么小，他们却懂得这么多。换成是我，要我随口谈 Tony Blair 的政治作风，还是 British Pound 会不会也换成 Euro 等政治课题，我是做不到的。

我想，我会从这些人学到很多很多。

一年后，再见岛国

一年的时间其实很快就过去了。多几个小时又要坐飞机。我很喜欢坐 SQ322 的班机，因为时间很容易过，晚上 11 点多的班机，尽管要飞 13 多个小时，但上了飞机就吃饱饱，看电影，睡睡觉，不一会儿就抵达伦敦了。而且，因为时差的关系，飞机抵达伦敦正好是早上 6 点，自己好像因为时差赚到 7 个小时。到伦敦后，时间也很容易过，上课，读书，背包，旅行，不知不觉，一年的时间又将在我的指缝间溜走。因为如此，今年说再见仿佛很容易，也没有什么牵挂，比如昨天错过了 MAF 也没有什么遗憾。所以，顿时间的心情好像很徐志摩似的“挥一挥衣袖，不带走一片云彩。”

离开是为了回来。所以，就这样吧，一年后，明年的夏天，我们在岛国再见。

合并

今天，我回去报馆，买了一点吃的东西回去晚报，以表对同事的感激。没想到，竟然花了大部分时间在大礼堂听总裁召集所有员工，宣布合并的事。

合并，我并不感到意外，这只是迟早的事。我国的市场太小，根本无法容纳两家电视台，两家报社。撑了四年多，亏了很多钱，也算挨过了不少风雨。

如今，公司和友台合并了，究竟对我们的影响有多大，现在还不清楚。以后工作的模式会是怎样也不得而知。电视新闻还会做下去吗？我们独有的双栖记者还会存在吗？ 以后工作量会因此而减少吗？新闻的素质和种类会有变化吗？以后有机会到电视组做工吗？……？？？

岛国的小，始终是个问题。这点，历史也无可否认。

*On another note, SPH has just decided to increase my monthly maintenance allowance cos PSC has revised theirs. So, I'll be getting 880 pounds per month, instead of 800 pounds. Now I won't have to eat bread everyday... :)

又调色了

花了一点时间好不容易把颜色换成现在以深红为主色的这个样子，想营造秋天的感觉，但效果不是很理想。对于颜色越来越不敏感，不过，现在你我所看到的，是我试了很多种颜色后觉得最满意的一个了。以后如果有空再慢慢琢磨秋天的感觉吧。

下星期就要离开一年都是夏天的岛国了，又要和诗清画意的秋天邂逅咯……

Goodbye to summery Singapore

A couple of days more before I say goodbye to summery Singapore.

To sum up this summer, the first time back home has been rather fruitful and fulfilling, though the weather is still unbearable. 7 weeks of internship at wanbao was rewarding with novel unforgettable experiences and extremely friendly and humane colleagues. Immediately after which was 2 weeks of YEP in the land of a thousand smiles. Like a friend had written, “This opportunity to travel abroad to challenge ourselves, to help a less fortunate community, to do something meaningful in summer was more than just that. New names and new faces forged lasting friendships, the revitalizing knowledge of a job well done due to the enthusiasm and hard work of every vital member.”

This YEP has certainly raised the possibility of volunteering in the hearts of many of us, which we hope to realise in the near future.

No serious travelling was done this summer though. This was my only regret.

Nevertheless, summer 2004 was a great one for me, which hopefully heralds the start of a great autumn as well.

(A short holiday to Paris or Prague before term starts will be great to start off the new academic year. Still contemplating… :p)

那晚喝 Baileys 很写意

前晚，我们在 Esplanade 外面的新加坡河边，仰望着天上闪烁的 Orion 还有其他星星，然后天南地北到凌晨。之后，我们喝了半瓶 Baileys （Baileys 真好喝！），陷入昏昏欲睡的状态，然后体力不支，倒卧在河边睡着。可是，我们并没有像上次在 East Coast Park 那样醉，只是心累，身体累了。不过，那真是一个很写意，很凉爽的夜晚。有酒，有星星，有清风，有好友，天天这样该有多好……

Peru? Or Nicaragua?

Oh, this is getting exciting. I've just found another opportunity to volunteer. It's at Peru!!! The descriptions and pictures of Peru look extremly appealing. I suppose the Peru expedition should be better than the Nicaragua Project. Then besides volunteering at Peru, there's visiting the Amazon Forest and the Incan ruins, hiking the Inca trail to Machu Picchu (this is gorgeous, heard so much about it!!!), horseback riding, visiting the ruins of the Sacred Valley, crafting ceramic pots with local masters, and many other unique experiences.

But the whole trip costs over US$2000, not including the air ticket from London (or Singapore) to Peru/Lima/Cusco. And whether SPH allows and whether time permits and how to arrange my summer schedule to fit in my 2-month SPH internship are three huge problems.

I think I'll commence to solve the 1st problem by starting to eat bread when I'm back in London.

黄城 vs. 国大

今天在黄城里开会，校园很是静谧。虽然因为放假而显得冷清，但在黄城游走还是很自在、很舒服。在 Coronation Plaza 的可爱鸡吃了午餐后，在外面的巴士站等 151 号巴士的时候，清风不断吹来，在炎炎夏日，很是凉爽。

之后，到了 NUS 的校园，死气沉沉，才呆不到 5 分钟，脑里的第一个以及唯一的念头，就是想急忙离开书局，离开国大。然后，还没有找到我要买的课本，就转身跑去巴士站等巴士逃离校园。在这片令人窒息的土地上，学生好像行尸走肉，校园里一丝风都没有。要我呆上多一秒种，不如干脆把我杀了算了。还好，我不是读国大的。

Reasonably happy

I have been leading a reasonably happy life these few days. Carefree and laidback. Plain reading, watching Hong Kong drama series, cooking and eating. Didn't do anything constructive at all, cos the next few days will be productive. Will be going to the optician, roaming around the island for textbooks and food stuff, meeting people, packing my luggage, doing things I should have done blah blah blah. (btw, I should be giving this year's MAF a miss, since it's on the day before I fly back to London.)

Life in Singapore is ending pretty soon. Didn't eat much local food. Didn't visit as many places as I wanted to. Simply because of the humidity that makes me wanna coop at home and not go anywhere else. Looking forward to a much less humid and a much more favourable temperature in London (but not the dreary sky). Looking forward to green leaves turning crimson in Autumn. Looking forward to backpacking in the UK and Europe again...

It's strange now that I realise, I like travelling but I hate the process before it - packing. Facing my messy room and empty luggage, I need to get some serious work done. Argh...

Insipid life in a sad mad world

I should be writing something, since I've been very free and unoccupied.

Haven't been doing much lately. Not that I don't have things to do. But as usual, I've been procrastinating -- things that I have to do, things that I want to do, and things that I hope to do.

As a result, life has been dull and insipid.

I am actually looking forward to leaving Singapore, and to going back to London and Europe.

Not that Singapore is no good, but perhaps having been away for a year and then back again, I yearn for the freedom and independence that overseas life (and not the life here) has been able to provide me with.

Now I'm used to (and maybe prefer) doing things alone, staying alone, cooking alone, eating alone, travelling alone, studying alone, ***ing alone (whatever *** may be) etc.

Therefore, I feel uncomfortable and weird when my parents (or family) are monitoring me when I'm doing stuff.

Guess it's just the matter of getting used to people entering and exiting my life at different junctures in my life.

September is here already. My favourite season, Autumn, is nearing. It is the season of leaving again. Many people have left, and more are going off soon, including me.

Soon, it's an all new beginning. A whole new academic year ahead. Along with familiar places and familiar people come new courses, new events, new places, and new people.

And I just realised I'm always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, even though I find this to be kinda sad, kinda funny.

Well, the world you and I live in is a sad and mad one. No choice.

Enjoy Mad World by Gary Jules.

Note:
The words in bold are adapted from "The Catcher in the Rye" by J. D. Salinger.


Mad World
by Gary Jules

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world ... world
Enlarge your world
Mad world

Youthful insouciance

I was reminded of the times in Thailand by the extant scars left by mosquitoes on my legs.

Those times were happy, carefree, laidback. The Thais' youthful insouciance struck me the most. No worries at all. Nothing to think about.

Just playing with the kids. Just deciding what to cook for lunch and dinner. Just playing cards among ourselves at night. Just staring at the sapphire sky and enjoying the occasional zephyr under the blazing sun. Just sipping ice Milo in the sweltering heat. Just sitting on Tuk Tuks and Song Teows, immersing ourselves in the "electrifying" rides...

Even plain working for the villagers was enough to make us ecstatic throughout the whole stay.

This was August for me and the whole YEP team. (And of course not forgetting the months involved preparing for the expedition.)

August has come to an end. Some of us have left for UK already. Most of us are going back in September. But none of us will forget August 2004, Khon Kaen and Non Thon.

We found what we can't find in the cities (London and Singapore) in this village. This experience has motivated all of us to excel in our studies and later contribute back to society in ways we are proficient in.

Hopefully I have the chance to go to Nicaragua for a similar project next year. Or maybe another Asian country will be great as well. Now I've something to look forward to. :)

我们在爆发禽流感的泰国，
找着了医者仁心
～～YEP2004之五（完结篇）

禽流感在泰国肆虐，我们一群留学英国的本地学生仍然不畏艰险，敢敢到泰国村落做义工，向贫困落后的村民普及医学和保健知识。

我们一行17人中，只有我（和另外一位女队员）不是念医科的，却看到其他修读医科的15位队友找着了医者仁心。这趟两星期的泰国义工行，更让我们体会到医学的局限，也换来了心灵的成长、对生活的各种深切领悟、跨越国界的友谊……我们得到的远比付出的还多。

我们这群学生义工都是伦敦大学医学院新加坡留学生会（Singapore Medical Society London）的会员。今年是学会第二次把分散在英国各地的新加坡医科学生组织起来，在8月2日到15日之间，到泰国东北部的孔敬（Khon Kaen）的Non Thon村落进行社区服务。第一次是去年8月，地点是孔敬另一处的Lao Na Dee村落。

泰国自几个月前，就传来禽流感死灰复燃的消息。这无疑形成了非常严峻的威胁，家长的忧虑、村落的卫生安全，再加上泰国南部的种族暴乱等课题，都迫使一些有兴趣参加义工行的会员望而却步，一些会员则在参加后半途退出，召集会员参加此行成了一大难关。

准备到孔敬的一个星期前，禽流感的警钟更是敲得响亮。泰国在7月底证实禽流感在国内的20多个府卷土重来，包括我们要去做义工的孔敬府也遭受池鱼之殃。尽管如此，禽流感疫情的蔓延，并未使最后留下来的我们却步，反而更加坚定了我们到孔敬为村民提供医疗服务的决心。

队友陈仲仁就说：“这个突如其来的消息，并没有动摇我们到孔敬做义工的决心。家人和朋友都很支持，父母甚至对我说，如果我要吃鸡肉就尽管吃，只要鸡肉煮熟就行了。”

但是，为了安全起见，我们决定禁止整团吃鸡鸭肉。此外，领队也做足了一系列紧急措施，以应付禽流感病毒在村落传播开来的可能情况。活动的赞助者新加坡国际基金会（Singapore International Foundation）也提供了保险，以策安全。

结果，Non Thon村落并没有受到禽流感的侵袭，村民照样在住家门前养鸡养鸭，照样吃鸡吃鸭，生活如常，仿佛完全没有受到禽流感的影响。我们和村民同吃同住，终日与鸡鸭为伍，与静谧相伴，我们在城市中变得芜杂的心灵也因此得到了清修与抚慰。

和接待我们的孔敬大学公共卫生部门的大学生谈起禽流感的问题时，他们毫无忌讳，并且很坦然地表示，村民都知道禽流感在泰国的情况，也知道禽流感的危险。原来，村民对禽流感的认识，并没有我们想象中的陌生。

也就因为如此，村民老是担心禽流感也只是杯弓蛇影，于事无补，所以他们选择坦然面对，选择如常生活。这更让我们看到村民的豁达胸襟，以及积极乐观的精神。不仅如此，这也让我们体会到医学的局限，毕竟到目前为止，医学界仍未研制出供人类使用、能有效预防禽流感的疫苗。对于禽流感病毒的防范措施，我们目前能帮助村民的实在有限。

于是，我们转而向村民提供预防胆管癌（cholangiocarcinoma）、糖尿病以及口腔疾病这三种病症的知识。由于泰国村民的食物重糖重盐，糖尿病和胆管癌的患病率高居榜首。我们之前在新加坡和伦敦所准备的知识，因此全都派上了用场。

但是，令我们大家都遗憾的是，我们待在村子的时间并不长。队友符安琪就说：“我们能为村民做的虽然有限，但是我们还有很多东西可以做。尽管我们做的不多，村民看到来自远方的我们特地到村落探望他们，心中已经非常感激。我们还没有毕业，还不是合格的医生，可是他们却如此尊敬我们，把我们当医生看待，这让我非常感动。村民们坚定了我日后行医的信念。”

离开村落的时候，含着泪的村民围着我们送别，还写了一封送别信给我们，如同告知我们，我们的确为这个村落带来了改变。安琪就决定在今年12月的寒假，回到Non Thon村落探访村民，看看他们届时的生活，是否有了好转。

注～～广告时间：
这五篇一系列关于我们到泰国做义工的短文取自我为《联合早报》写的一篇报道，在这里先让你们先睹为快。报道和照片将在近日刊登，敬请留意。

在伦敦和新加坡学泰语
～～YEP2004之四

我们这团人，虽然以伦敦大学5所医学院的新加坡学生为主，却也包括来自英国其他地区的新加坡学生。我们17人当中，就有人来自剑桥大学，甚至远至位于苏格兰的格拉斯哥大学（University of Glasgow）的医学院。

由于我们的学期和考试的时间安排各自迥异，要组织集体活动实非易事，很多时候只能靠电邮进行筹备工作。如何安排共同的时间和地点学习泰语，更是难事。最后，我们好不容易达成共识，联系了伦敦一个泰国寺庙的老师，在4月的每周六到伦敦上课学习基本泰语。

除了学习日常用语，我们还必须掌握专业的医学术语，才能向村民讲解保健和医疗知识。因此，我们在6月考完试回国后，也联络上国大的一位泰国老师，用仅剩的一个月时间，向她努力学习对糖尿病和其他疾病的语言表达。时间的紧迫，让我们更加齐心协力。

和孩子们打成一片
～～YEP2004之三

除了向村民普及医学知识，我们也在白天到村落的中小学教英文，甚至到幼儿园进行粉刷工作，改善孩子们的学习环境。

起初，孩子们都对我们这群稀客很好奇。当我们为游乐场生了锈的秋千和翘翘板重新油漆时，皮包骨的孩子们都在幼儿园外延劲企踵，从远处看我们工作。后来，我们与孩子熟络了起来，跟他们踢足球、玩飞碟游戏等等，和他们完全打成一片。

孩子们能在没有玩具的简陋教室里玩得不亦乐乎，让我们明白快乐原来可以是很简单的。

孩子们的天真单纯最令我们难忘，也值得我们学习。

Photos of Belgium Uploaded


Beautiful Bruges

空闲

空闲的日子很累人，这几天过得实在清闲，不是在家里发呆，就是在市区游走。原来，没有东西做也可以是百般折腾的。

于是，今天到了 Orchard Road 走走。回来了要三个月了，还是不大认得 Orchard Road 的风景。其中，Cineleisure 的内部以及 Wisma Atria 的外部的改变最大。Paragon 也是。岛国的风景有了些许变化，但是还是很沉闷。只是普普通通的高楼大厦，并没有什么精彩可言。岛国的建筑没有 Berlin 和 Rotterdam 的精彩，或许比较能引起一点注意的是我们的 Esplanade 以及 Robertson Quay 附近的一些建筑物吧。

不过，我倒是挺期待 Duxton 的摩天组屋。好象有点看头。 期待喔……

教泰国村民新加坡体操
～～YEP2004之二

村民白天大多到田地里耕种劳作，为了让他们在辛劳了一整天后，能更有效地吸收我们要传递的保健信息，我们大多在晚上尝试以有趣的方式提供医疗知识。从轻松幽默的短剧到各种有奖问答游戏，我们用有限刚学的泰语，向村民讲解各种疾病的症状和防范措施。

其中，我们为了阐述运动对糖尿病患者的重要性时，还向村民示范了新加坡体操。没想到，村民和孩子们看着我们做体操，竟然也跟着我们动了起来，做足了15分钟的运动。看着村民起劲地学做新加坡体操，已经让我们觉得不虚此行了……

离开村落的最后一晚
～～YEP2004之一

我们离开村落的最后一晚，村长通过广播要求我们以及全村的人，到社区中心集合。我们完全不知道究竟发生了什么事。

到了社区中心，只见大厅里已经站满了大人小孩。村民们先是要求我们坐在椅子上，然后自己却站在我们面前。过后，村长讲了一些我们听不懂的泰语后，年长的村民就开始把一缕缕浸过香水的白线缠在我们的手腕上，并且口中不断喃喃祝福。

原来，这是泰国的传统缠线仪式，村民们一般只会在他们亲近的人的手腕上拴线，以祝平安幸福，吉祥如意。我们隔天就将离开村落，村民于是特地为我们举办了这样的传统送别会。我们每个人都被村民如此热情周到的接待所感动了。

很多老人家尽管行动不方便，还是为了我们这群稀客，来到社区中心见我们最后一面。他们双手合十，弯腰驼背，一一在我们的手腕上缠线，我们很多人都不禁感动哭了。我真的不晓得我们到底做了什么修得这样的荣誉。

我们虽然听不懂村民跟我们讲的是什么，但是语言障碍根本不存在。我们无须明白他们的语言，也能感受到他们的真诚。

拴在手腕上的线至少得戴上3天，因为它蕴藏着真挚的友情和良好的愿望。结果，我们回到了新加坡还迟迟不肯把线除掉……

运气

今天凌晨，我一点睡意也没有。

在电视机前，我看着张雪玲被韩国的金香美击败，心竟然沉了下去。这场球赛越打越精彩，一来一往，张雪玲连输两盘后，逐渐进入状况，虽然打得吃力，可是她的决心却是让我很钦佩的。

张雪玲输了，李佳薇对王楠的那场比赛，李佳薇当然不被看好。怎料，王楠大失水准，在比赛时根本没有发挥。我们轻松地赢了，完全靠的是运气。就好象 Ronald Susilo 苦战泰国的 Boonsak Ponsana长达49分钟的球赛，欠缺的就是运气，所以我们的 Ronald Susilo 最后败下阵来。

正如几米在《向左走，向右走》中写过的：“人生总有许多的意外，握在手里的风筝也会突然断了线。”

我很庆幸，运气一直以来都陪伴着我。

这几天没有用脑

这几天过得很清闲，没有什么用脑，真的很爽。以下尝试用脑回忆这几天发生的事：

（１）每个早上潜意识泡了咖啡，然后下午又情不自禁泡另外一杯来喝。

（２）昨天无缘无故红眼，医生莫名其妙给了我四天 MC，清醒的我却跟医生说我不用MC，医生反而莫名其妙，也不多问我为什么。

（３）今天回报馆走走，顺便拿了接下来6个月的零用钱。结果发现，伦敦年年通货膨胀，我的零用钱却和去年一样。他妈的，怎么生存啊？又得啃面包，才能省旅费去旅行。

（４）今天整天对着电脑发呆，稿只打了一行，就不知道怎样继续写下去。怎么办？我的报道已经很久没有上《联合早报，现在》封面了。

（５）精神恍惚的我刚刚又把飞回伦敦的班机挪后了。现在精神仍然恍惚的我，还没决定是否要在开学前去背包走天涯。

精神继续恍惚，真爽。

I feel so useless. I need the arms of an angel now.

Arms of an Angel
by Sarah McLachlan

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an Angel fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of an Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

Back from YEP!

天空下着绵绵细雨，飞机降落在湿滑的跑道上。

熟悉的樟宜机场很漂亮，回家的感觉真的很棒。

我们每个人带着疲惫的身躯从泰国回来了，回到太过舒适，太过安逸的新加坡。

这次到泰国东北部的 Non Thon 村落，让我想起了 "Chang & Eng" 的一些情节。

泰国爆发禽流感，我们 17 人还是不怕死，敢敢地到泰国冒险，我们照样吃鸡肉。

YEP 让我们的人生观或多或少都起了变化。

Every Singaporean youth should go to YEP!

（改天再详细分享 YEP 的点点滴滴。）

YEP

Tomorrow is the day. Finally. YEP. I'm finally going to YEP. I can't believe it. Feeling a bit surreal now. Yep!

This space will be stagnant for the next 14 days, but I'm sure there will be lots to write about when I come back from Khon Kaen, Thailand.

Sah Wah Di Khrub!

实习完了（下篇） 

以为今天是工作的最后一天，不会有什么稿要写，结果大错特错。早上 ８ 点多一踏进新闻室，就被崇文叫出去采访，后来这则新闻做了很大，有半版这么大。然后，下午又叫我出去采访另一则无聊新闻，还拍了电视。 既然是最后一天了，也就无所谓。后来，没有时间填写 payroll，evaluation form，transport claim form，结果得托人帮我交给 AA。

但是，每次实习完了，又得需要再次调整生活。再也不用每天早起，也不用每天绞尽脑汁赶稿。终于有闲暇的时间，能够做我要做的事。终于可以不要用脑，做不要用脑的事。

现在，只想找片草原，躺在辽阔的草原上，陪着马儿，牛儿，享受蓝天白云，什么都不做。世界上真的有这样一个地方，在英国的 Oxford。那是一个很漂亮的地方，冬天去的时候很冷。现在夏天，花儿应该都已经盛放，可惜我却不可能体验英国的夏天。真是可恶。

实习完了（上篇）

明天是实习的最后一天，于是今天主任买了蛋糕请我们吃，很是意外。我真的很喜欢《晚报》，这次实习的最舒服。去年在《新明》做到要死要活，主任一点表示都没有，根本没有人性。《晚报》就很不同，连新闻室的空气都比较清新。
 
不过，读书还是比较好。跑新闻很累，我做了两个月就已经有点受不了，不知道毕业后，要怎么撑六年。

Caffeine

Coffee has absolutely no effects on me since ages ago. So I've started to increase my coffee intake recently. A cup of mocha in the morning, and another cup of Nescafe after lunch have no effects at all. I still feel drowsy. I might resort to drinking shots of incredibly powerful espressos.

But I hope that I won't need to get caffeine tablets.

华初没了

华中和华初合并本来是件好事，但是合并后，校名改了，很多东西都不一样了。校歌没了，我们耀眼的四个箭头校徽没了，校名也没了。简单地说，华初没了，华初即将走入历史。

那天，投票定名后，报馆里很多校友都很激动。昨天，电视组找我访问，我马上拒绝了，结果被致颖说我一点都不爱校。情绪是复杂的，尽管只是短短两年的学习生活而已。很多人都会赞同，华初在他们的生活中占了多么重要的位置，何止三言两语能够说尽，于是拒绝访问或许是最理想的做法吧。这个星期六的校庆，同事还会追问校名的事，毕竟 270 名校友投票有多大的代表性，实在很令我们质疑。星期六，我们都会在黄城里出现。

华初没了，但至少黄城肯定会永垂不朽。

丧礼

这是我有生以来第一次去一点悲伤都没有的丧礼。之前，还在想要怎样发问，毕竟人家的家里刚死了人，应该会很伤心难过。后来，来到他的灵堂，我开了口，家属知道我是记者后，竟然对我有说有笑，还很乐意接受我的访问。原来，丧礼也可以是很开心的。

流莺

我和 Donald 和 Julius 到 Geylang 去吃螃蟹，吃完后我们特意经过流莺出没的地方。结果，是一连串的惊喜。流莺的数目比我们想象中的还多。什么类型都有。想起 Amsterdam 的红灯区，但是 Geylang 的情景还是有点闷，没什么精彩可言。Amsterdam 就精彩得很多，不过在岛国出现这么多流莺，我倒是有点意外。无论在哪里，这些流莺都是有组织的。要将她们赶尽杀绝恐怕是不可能的任务。人都是有需要的，这点无法否认。

发呆

真正有时间的时候，哪里都不想去，只想赖在家里，什么都不想做。其实，想做的东西是有的，比如看电影，到处逛逛……但是休假的时候，只想不要用脑躺在床上发呆，任由时间一分一秒地过，什么都不做。如果有蓝天白云会更好，只是最近的天气很伦敦，老是阴沉沉的。突然想念热浪岛的沙滩。想回去热浪岛发呆。有人要去吗？

＊所以，今天我在家里呆了一整天。
＊我到现在都还没有看 Spiderman 2。

Photos of Manchester and Oxford Uploaded


Old Trafford


Beautiful Oxford

手机

手机文化在本地越来越蓬勃，每个人都是机不离手。无可否认，手机已经成为我们生活不可缺少的工具，不但可以打电话，发简讯，还可以拍照，上网。当然，手机的功能不只这样。手机还可以让你看起来很忙。当你和朋友没有话讲的时候，有人一定会拿出手机，假装很忙的样子。可能是假假发简讯，或者假假打电话。人际关系要沦落到这种地步，是不是很可悲？

H.M.

Everybody is back home liao. Everybody is going to do masters. I feel really honoured (and pressurised) to have such friends. Ha. Really makes me wonder where I'll do mine (provided if I can make it first).

Met H.M. at office today as well. Feel really happy for her (and shocked as well) that she got a first class in Psych. *Whoa.* And she secured a PHD place (to do Psych) in Cambridge as well. *Whoa.* But obviously she can't do the PHD. Damn SPH refused to let her continue to do masters in Psych, so PHD wasn't even in the picture. So she'll be doing something that SPH approves of. This sux man. But the course is at Stanford, so its another story. *Whoa again*.

So I dun think I can continue with Masters in Psych as well. So what's the point of me doing Psych now? Maybe I should just start preparing for GRE, and writing my CV now.

China vs. US

Met Xinying and Leng Tuan for the first time back home in office today. Talked about Peking University, China and its education system. Our conversation made me rethink the possibility of me going to China, or more specifically PKU to do Masters. The Beijing they told me about doesn't seem to fit my memory of Beijing at all. All of a sudden, China doesn't seem appealing anymore. Perhaps, U.S. is a better choice. Or maybe Taiwan. Don't think I wanna continue to stay in London for Masters.

(I still can't imagine myself writing my CV in Chinese.)

晕头转向
 
太多事情在同一个时候发生。学习泰语，筹集旧衣物，报馆的工作，同学聚会，还有可能去香港背包的准备工作……
 
我应接不暇，晕头转向。
 
好像回到以前在 JC 的日子。

功亏一篑
 
今天下午去外面采访，作电视和平面新闻，花了 40 分钟采访完毕，回到报馆把第一篇电视稿，还有第二篇平面稿写完，然后把电视稿交给电视组的禄艺，把平面稿交给崇文。之后就是等禄艺审阅之后，再去剪辑室剪片。本来是找慧敏做 voice over，可是她跑去化妆准备报新闻，然后找啊找，等啊等，最后找了秀琴做了 voice over，也找到了剪片师和我一起剪片。进入剪辑室之后，才赫然发现录像带子坏了，根本没有办法补救。换句话说，功亏一篑。
 
不过，还好还有平面的报道，否则我真的要去撞墙。
 
（真的有点不好意思浪费这么多人的时间。）

第二个家

前天我交了辞职信，乐了一会儿，但有点舍不得。这次实习学的最多，但是要学的还有很多很多。其实，我不介意作到八月底，甚至九月初，但是我得离开两星期到泰国去，而人事部因为行政的问题也不答应。《晚报》真的有家的感觉，不像《新明》。每次采访回报馆写稿，都会不自觉地说“到家了”。不只我一个人这么说。我也从来没有看过这么好的主任，文学在周末时总会提早让我们下班，有时早至下午三点半，说：“没有东西，就回家啦，待在报馆作么？”

我想如果真的去不了《早报》，《晚报》也不错。至少到目前为止我是这么想的。

还有多十天的工作咯！

Thai

We are not only learning Basic Thai, but also professional medical terms in Thai as well. Today is our 2nd lesson in Singapore, not much time left to master the language, though we are supposed to already have 3 lessons in London. And I always forget what I learnt. Don't think the Thai villagers will ever understand me. It isn't easy, but we aren't giving up. :)

抵制《联合晚报》大行动

这个《玻璃圈》系列报道引起的反响实在不小。很多读者拨打热线，也有读者电邮我们。甚至其他报纸，例如 The New Paper 也说我们很大胆（他们今天自己也写了一篇关于同志教堂的新闻）。我们始终没有公布我们记者的身份，本来是要放 by-line 的，后来想到后续结果可能会很严重，所以临时不放 by-line 了，主任也下了命令说任何人都不可以透露我们两个人的身份，公布之后我们肯定会被同志围殴。结果，后果真的比我们想象的还厉害。网上甚至出现了抵制《联合晚报》大行动，可见我国的同志社群实在不小。我也没有想到会有这么多同志会买/看华文报，甚至用华文提出反驳的言论。新闻见报以后，已经有这么大的反响，但是我想还会有更出乎意料的后续发展等着我们。

I wanna...

...watch "Spiderman 2" and many other movies.
...meet up with people I haven't seen for a year.
...talk to people I haven't talked to for the past year.
...visit places in my country that I haven't been for a year.
...eat local food that I haven't had the chance to eat even though I am back for 5 weeks already.
...go to Kinokuniya and sit there for one whole day.
...drink a cup of cappucino at Coffee Club in a lazy afternoon.
...go to East Coast Park and see the sunrise.
...try the reverse bungee jumping at Clarke Quay.
...go on a photography night tour again.
...go to Equinox and stare at my country's night scenery again.
...go up to Benjamin Sheares Bridge and sleep there again.
...lie on the road in front of Supreme Court again.
...go backpacking again.

BUT I have neither time nor energy. Have you?

Yesterday

We almost got into Equinox's New Asia Bar. It's a high class bar so no outside food is allowed. Wanted to celebrate TS's birthday there, so naturally we brought a cake with us. The waitress saw the cake and said to us, "You can't eat outside food inside the bar. You can sing the birthday song, blow the candles, cut the cake, but you cannot eat the cake." How nice...

So we moved to Esplanade's Max Brenner's Chocolote Bar. The same thing happened there, and the waitress added, "You have to pay 10 bucks to eat your cake here." Fabulous...

So this is Singapore's high-class customer service.

同性恋

我想现在新加坡的同性恋者一定很讨厌我们。

我们把他们逼上了绝路，连他们最后的私人空间也被我们揭发了。

那系列报道从昨天开始已经陆续推出了，满足感颇大，还有几篇在酝酿中。

在采访这则新闻之前，我们根本不知道这些专给男同性恋者的纵欲场所的存在。

这些场所如雨后春笋般地出现，已经说明了本地的同性恋者已经渐渐走出衣柜，不再躲藏起来。

但是，新加坡的社会还是相当保守的，同性恋者在本地的空间小之又小。他们只能在表面上是“健身房”或者“spa”的场所，在黑暗中满足自己和正常人不同的性欲。

以前他们在东海岸胡搞(现在好像还是)，两年前他们转到 Bugis 附近的坟场狂欢，最近又再转移阵地，到舒适豪华甚至高级的纵欲场所胡搞。

无论如何，我国明显地已经开始放宽同志空间了。政府也说了，男同志也能担任政府要职，根本就是默默承认他们的存在。

所以，警方会不会取缔这些场所，我认为是个很大的问号，毕竟几年前听说有取缔行动，但最后则不了了之。

事情会怎样发展，我们等着瞧。

(有空会在这里分享我们采访时的“艳遇”。)

喝醉了

昨天晚上，我喝酒喝醉了。真的醉了。(我现在还有一点醉意。)

生平第一次喝醉。我并没有呕吐，醉的感觉反而很好。(Donald 吐了好几次，不过他还说醉了很爽。)

原来，喝酒真的能够消愁，越喝越过瘾，视线开始模糊不清，头脑开始发热，走路歪歪斜斜，神志不清，说话语无伦次。

最后我们不省人事，在东海岸的沙滩上睡着了。本来还想看日出的，不过，醒来的时候，太阳已经升起来了。

这次喝醉纯粹是意外中事。

昨天晚上和 JC 的朋友在 Far East Square 吃晚餐后，已经在回家的路途中，然后在 Bedok 巴士转换站接到 Donald 的简讯，问我要不要立刻去 Esplanade 的Harry's Bar 喝酒。他从来没有这样 last minute 约我出去的习惯，更何况当时已经是晚上11点半了。所以，我100% 肯定有不对劲的事了。

我是很累，工作了一整天，实在想回家睡觉。不过，我清楚地知道这个临时的约会，我是得赴的。

结果，我回家洗把脸后，又溜出家门，搭 taxi 到 Esplanade。最后到处都很多人，Embargo 满座，Equinox 排长龙。於是，我们决定搭 taxi 到东海岸。

已经做好这样的准备，我带了一瓶1000公升的 Absolut Mandrin，说我们两人今晚一人喝一半。结果，Vodka 里头的 40%酒精很快流入我们的血液中。在这之前，我们也在一间 pub 里各自喝了一杯鸡尾酒。

酒瓶还没有来得及喝空，酒精的作用马上来袭。实在 high。

然后，我们聊啊聊，聊到我们在不知不觉中昏迷了。他心中该发泄的都发泄出来了，我也已经算了尽了朋友的责任吧。

老实说，我不介意再醉多一次。


*很多事情在这世界上是没有对或错的。
*很多表面上看起来很正常的人或许都有他们心酸的故事。
*家家都有本难念的经。

那条新闻

那则新闻本来是说好昨天推出的，结果发现有些东西必须重写，因为那则新闻的影响力比我们想像中的实在还要大。昨天午餐时，和总编辑们谈起那则新闻，大家的第一个反应是“哇”，“作这则新闻，你一定会永远记得，毕生难忘。”的确，我从来没有作过这样有挑战性的新闻，这样难处理，这样难写的新闻，因为它牵涉的课题太广泛，牵涉政府的立场，牵涉报馆的立场，牵涉整个新加坡的社会风气，而且非常敏感，好比写跟宗教有关的新闻一样。我们现在头都很大，只写了整个系列的一半而已。不过，我真的很珍惜这样的机会，根本是千载难逢，更何况我现在只是个实习生而已。

昨天两则

(1)　《早报周刊》

《早报现在》不久前推出《爆米花》，《早报体育》则在上个月刚刚改革。现在星期天的《早报周刊》也要改革了。改来改去很明显是要吸引年轻人阅读《早报》。昨天和林任君、萧作鸣、杜南发、许仁好等总编辑吃午饭，当然没有什么好事。他们拿了两种新的《早报周刊》设计和样本，要我们发表意见。我们看了，意见不一。新的设计很杂志，翻阅内容好像在看《星期五周报》，有人甚至说它像shopping guide。如果真的这样推出，我肯定现有的读者群将全部消失。有时候，一直改良会越改越“凉”。

(2)　狗血淋头

昨天下午，去采访一则新闻，结果不但碰壁，还被骂到狗血淋头，现在想起来觉得很啼笑皆非。当事人不肯接受访问，直截了当跟我说：“I have no comments.”好的，不肯接受访问，我不能强迫她。当然，我们也不能这样回去交差，於是摄影同事就继续拍录像。女当事人就急急忙忙从房间里跑了出来，找我谈判。双方对峙，不肯让步。她骂一句，我顶回一句，摄影同事继续拍录像。她说什么：“你没有权力拍我的地方！我认识很多律师！我要告你！”我们在她的地盘外拍摄，所以我们并没有错，但是她霹雳扒拉了许久，我受不了，於是决定离开现场。之后，她对我们说：“你们三个大男人（我，摄影同事，还有司机），哪里可以欺负我一个女人！？”我心里暗骂：“臭女人，去死吧！我不稀罕你这则小新闻。”

广告

老总说要把那则新闻发展成系列，我们觉得有点夸张。也好啦，现在开始把在虎穴里面看到听到的一切，写出来，心理终於可以平衡一点。明皇叫我赶快找个女朋友，心理或许会恢复得更快。我一笑置之。怎么说，我也是读心理学的叻，还用别人教？

(打广告：我们的这个独家报道，暂定这个星期三出版系列的第一篇，敬请留意。)

三心二意

跟老爸老妈讲我打算在八月底回英国，他们非常自然地反对。反对的原因当然很简单。好的，我让步，暂定九月初飞回欧洲，不等 MAF 了。后来又想，我的母校明年将走入历史，华初没了，MAF 可能也因为如此而不办下去了吧？于是，又三心二意……

咳，不管这么多了，有缘的话，MAF 那晚，我会在黄城里出现。

分秒必争

今天在截稿时间的前几分钟，被主任叫出去采访后港停电的事故，真正体验到时间的紧迫性。既然已经要截稿了，也没时间回报馆写，只能通过电话报回去，由同事代写。结果，只有我们有这条新闻，《新明》并没有。哈！（对了，三家华文报表面上看起来是好朋友，但其实我们都是不和的，尤其是《晚报》和《新明》。）

我喜欢这样突发的刺激。

街访和新加坡人

我很讨厌在新加坡做街边访问，因为：
（1）新加坡人一点礼貌都没有。
（2）新加坡人一点也不友善。
（3）新加坡人一点也不会讲话。
（4）新加坡人一点也不敢讲话。
（5）新加坡人一看到记者，就会 siam 到一边。

P.S.
＊伦敦人则完全相反。我并没有夸张。
＊我们花了好长的一段时间才在大巴窑访到 8 个人。

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Psychologists have been studying the existence of engrams or memory traces, meaning that if they do exist, selected bits of memory can be erased. I myself do not believe in engrams, and hence I do not think that memory can be obliterated. But then again, experiments on animals and even human beings have shown that memory can be erased, which in turn suggest the existence of engrams.

On the other hand, memory can be implanted artificially through hypnosis and reconstructive or constructive memory. So, this again supports the possibility of the existence of engrams. In short, current research on engrams is still at a preliminary stage though such research has been conducted for decades.

Anyway, this is a great movie. I am glad that I didn't miss it.

抓流莺

我们在熙熙攘攘的人群中，马上认出流莺。不止一个，而是很多个。我们等了将近两个小时，还是没有亲眼目睹她们当众拉客。原来，要在大庭广众招徕生意，出卖肉体，也不是一份简单的工作。报道频频见报和上电视，她们还敢敢一直出现。生活沦陷到要出卖身体这种地步，她们也算是值得同情的一群人。

生命是廉宜的，肉体也是廉宜的。

几米语录

两个多星期以来，面对太多的死亡，我现在须要的是，一点点喘息的空间。

“亲爱的小孩：

曾经我也像你一样，抬头仰望一片新叶、看一朵飘过的云，就会觉得快乐。

曾经我也能静静地站在树下，听风翻舞树林、小鸟鸣唱，就会觉得感动。

昨天我在公园里学你，听鸟唱风吹，看绿叶云飘，竟觉得十分地萧索无趣。

我感到微微地震撼，心情郁闷地走进一家高级餐厅，点了昂贵的餐，还喝了红酒。后来，我态度倨傲地抱怨鱼子酱不新鲜、指责牛排不够嫩……其实我只是借故发挥，舒缓我躁郁难平的情绪……我一直很懊恼，我怎么会变得如此可憎呢？

我嫉妒你，痛心哀悼我逝去的。


大花证券 王董 四月六日”


摘自几米的《我只能为你画一张小卡片》

A rather exciting day and a couple of FIRSTS today:

(1) Concealed my identity and went into the den alone to satisfy my curiosity. Reports should be out on the papers soon. I'm glad nothing happened to me. I'm proud of myself. Ha.

(2) Went undercover and called a prostitue to get some data. They are really careful after the series of reports recently. Disgusted.

(3) Saw blood stains for the first time, when handling an accident in which an unknown male fell to his death from an HDB apartment.

In the end...

In the end, after serious contemplation,
we did not go in.
But due to my immense curiosity,
I think I am going in alone tomorrow.

死亡和记者

原来，我并非完全冷血。

昨天得知有同事自杀死去的事，给了我不小的震撼。

我并不认识她，怎么想也想不明白为什么一个年龄还不到 30 岁的学姐（她是我的圣公会学姐，也是报馆海外奖学金得主）会选择这种方式，突然离开。8 年的 bond 都好象还没有满。

我已经不是第一次知道有报馆的人自杀了，前几年也有一个 Straits Times 的 scholar 自杀。

自己的背景和他们差不多，就理所当然地开始胡思乱想。

记者的生活是很 stressful 的，这点无可否认。昨天，又有同事跟我说，你在报馆工作一天所见的世面，等于你同辈的人做其他工作的三倍。换句话说，做记者比同辈做其他工作，会“老”、“成熟”得更快。这是好，还是坏？

选择自杀，是因为做记者让他们看破了什么吗？我不晓得。

或许，正如村上春树在《挪威的森林》里说：“死不是生的对极，而是潜伏在我们的生之中。”……“在生的正中央，一切的一切都绕着死为中心而旋转着。”把死亡当成是家常便饭，生活或许会好过一些。

Tonight's the night

昨天和今天的天气都有点阴，想起伦敦的天气，也就是这样阴的，好象要下雨，却迟迟没有下。而且，岛国开始刮起微风，但是风却是热的，怎样也没有办法在 30 多度的空气中，感觉清凉。伦敦的风是超大的，大到有一次在大街上几乎被风吹走，很是清爽。

Tonight's the night，我们在今晚和明晚行动。每次出门都会在最意想不到的时间和地方碰到熟人，像昨天竟然在 Expo 的 Dreamcars Asia Motorshow 2004，碰到心萍。岛国很小。

如果你今天和明天在大街上看到我，请假装不认识我。

昨天三则

（1）

昨天早上，去了勿洛水池路的湿巴刹采访。巴刹凌晨被火神光顾，很多摊位被烧毁。对我而言，这只不过是另一次普普通通的火患罢了，又没有人命伤亡，我想我真的已经 desensitise 了。

（2）

昨天下午，我和明皇在城市中寻觅兜转，为即将执行的任务做准备，后来碰到一位实在让我们俩都差点作呕的人。我想，岛国的确是小，但是什么样的人都有。很多表面上看起来很保守的人事物，其实都另有乾坤。欲知我们的任务会有什么收获，请留意《联合晚报》（以任务的困难度而言，这则新闻应该很难上电视吧，因为拍照已经是很大的问题了，更别说录影）。

（3）

昨天晚上在滨海南吃火锅汗流浃背的时候是很爽，过后是满身汗臭味，自己都受不了。岛国的天气让我又爱又恨。此时此刻的天气很 London。

Recee

We went to recee today. Utterly disgusted even before stepping in. Scared.

突然间

突然间，很累。
什么都不想做。
只想，
一觉不醒。

（岛国的空气让我窒息，我正在认真考虑，是否要提前在 8 月飞回欧洲。）

今天，我的眼睛湿了。

今天早上在验尸房向棺材佬询问今天的情况，以为没有什么特别的新闻。直到要离开为止，才碰上这家人来领认尸体。父亲在昨天父亲节携带两个年仅 13 和 14 岁的儿子，到咖啡店吃饭，庆祝父亲节。怎知，儿子去点菜回来后，发现父亲突然倒卧在地上，暴毙死了。

访问孩子，孩子哭了。

孩子年少无知，显然不知道日后的日子会很苦。

小儿子说：“昨天是父亲节，我起身后看到爸爸，还跟爸爸说‘父亲节快乐’，没想到爸爸不久后就去世了……”

我的眼睛在验尸房外，也湿了。（湿了一点点。）

第一次，因为工作，湿了。

The Lion's Den

My job is getting more and more exciting. This is the first piece of news story that I am actually getting excited about. I will be concealing my identity as a journalist and entering the lion's den. I'm really glad that the supervisor is giving me such a great chance. Can't reveal any more details now. Shall update more when my mission is accomplished. :)

(Obviously I'm not doing this alone.)

红山谋杀案

我们很幸运，死者的前妻出奇的合作。我也出奇的冷静，我想经验极为丰富的同事一定以为我是冷血的。或许因为，这不是我第一次碰上谋杀案。去年也处理过国大讲师谋杀案，通过自己的联络网，联络上嫌凶的同事，帮《新明》找到了独家新闻。

做这一行，人缘很重要。

Off Day

Finally free today for a trip downtown. Orchard Road has changed a bit here and there. Watched "The Day After Tomorrow". Went to my beloved Kinokuniya. Bought three 几米's books at one go. :)

(A murder just happened, tomorrow will be an exciting day.)

意外记者

今天一天内跑了四个地方：mortuary、Sengkang、Sembawang，还有 Bishan Junction 8，全都是意外。我们第一个问的问题就是：“有没有人死掉（或者受伤）？”是冷酷，是无情，习惯就好。要问这样的问题实在不容易。

其中印象最深刻的是，采访一名 14 岁男孩去年圣诞节被一名年仅 16 岁的青年泼汽油，然后点火导致全身烧伤，看到他，满身都是伤，很是心酸，毕竟只不过是个 14 岁的年轻小伙子。

现在才发现，原来，意外记者才是最厉害的，开始对《晚报》和《新明》的记者另眼相看。

（今天有了两个第一：第一个 by-line 上电视，还有第一个 by-line 见报，虽然我得承认我的部分做的不多。 ）

冷血

今天下午采访了一个 74 岁患有重病，左眼瞎的老婆婆。她述说她与女儿失散，还有被女儿骗，还有离婚又与人同居的故事时，是一把鼻涕一把眼泪的。我们问着听着，她哭得越伤心，平面和电视摄影记者拍得越起劲。后来，我们发现她的故事并不很有震撼力，只能做平面报道，不能上优频道。新闻就是这样现实，这样残酷。我想我没有必要学习如何不让情绪影响工作，因为经过几次的实习，我肯定即使对方哭到有多惨，我也能在访问时，挖完所有资料也不会有丝毫的感情。当然，访问完后，那是另一回事。

（我的第一个 by-line 应该会在这几天见报。）

NS

NS 无缘无故缩短了半年，我感觉我好象浪费了一年的青春。

晚报

回报馆也是超现实的。有些人还在，有些人退休了，有些人跳到新传媒，有些是新面孔。Newsroom 则没有多大变化。今天第一天没有写到任何字，没有译到任何篇章，简单的来说，完全没有用到脑。不过，我知道这样闲空的日子只有今天而已。现在开始期待日后可能将面对的惊险和刺激，比如明天去警方记者会，还有后天去 mortuary （验尸房）。

Euro cup

我就知道主任会问我有没有看足球，所以为了避免招惹不必要的额外负担，我跟他说只要是 sports 我都不看。这样就轻易逃过晚上追球，隔天早上赶稿的痛苦。不过，England 对垒 France，的确有点可惜。Portugal 那场也是。

领成绩

刚刚打电话回伦敦询问第一年的 provisional 考试成绩是不期望会听到什么好消息的，毕竟知道自己今年不很努力。结果，从电话的另一端却传来 "all courses average 1st class"。有点莫名其妙。或许是自己听错。一个月后等正式的 transcript 来再说吧。

七天后，
在恢复和失去自由的边缘游走……

整整七天了，还是无法适应岛国的天气。很难理解过去的 20 年我是怎样挨过的。一天冲三次凉的作用并不很大。潮湿的空气让我只想待在家里，哪里都不想去。结果，去的地方真的并不多（只去了中央医院、新达城、淡滨尼、Bugis 等），遇见的人也不多，但却足以给我一波又一波的震荡，比如我根本认不得淡滨尼的种种（太多变化了）。

而明天就要正式上班了，希望在上班时间（问题是我有所谓的上班时间吗？）能顺便（偷懒）游走岛国。这或许是做记者的一个好处吧。

长大

入院了，也好。
生平第一次办入院手续，21 一到，就被社会赐予权力，可以在任何白纸黑字上，签
下自己的大名。
而且，还缴交了定金。原来，在岛国生病需要非常有钱才行。
过了 21 ，忽然间，很多负担理所当然地落在身上。太快。
再不想，也不能扭转我过了 21 的事实。

（今天在医院待了一整天，很累，明天还得去。）

Not looking forward

I'm definitely not looking forward to going to the hospital later this morning...

回国后

回国真的有种超现实的感觉。一切很熟悉，却仿佛跟自己毫无瓜葛。有些东西没变。有些东西看起来没变，其实却在我离开的 9 个月中缓缓地在变，不很明显，但还是变了。有些东西则是全新的，从来没看过，象我家附近的几座公寓。

（一）首次出门

昨天首次出门到市区 (Bugis)，是心惊胆跳的。怕出门，因为我真的忘记怎样搭巴士和地铁，怎样用 ezlink。甚至提款时，也忘记原来这里的密码是六个号码，而不是伦敦的四个号码。但是，岛国的交通费还真的很便宜。

（二）手提电话

这个玩意儿这里叫做 handphone（在伦敦叫做 mobile），而且岛国的人还是很喜欢发 SMS（在伦敦叫做 text）。我已经有一段时间没用简讯，习惯直接打电话，比较快，且直接。实在懒得浪费时间输入简讯。

（三）Incredibly Irritated

看到的很多东西让我很不顺眼，也不顺耳。一走出列车，就在地铁月台上，听到“拜六礼拜，会不会开”，实在想揍唱的人（是李国煌吗？）。又不是很悦耳，却到处都可听到。很烦。当然，我可以选择听而不闻。

还有，或许要在自动扶梯 "Please Keep Left" 的牌子上，加上 "Offenders, Fine $1000"，岛国的人才会乖乖守秩序。国人依旧被动。

（四）天气

前几天，岛国的白云蓝天确实很漂亮，但空气还是很潮湿。还没适应，只能一天冲三次凉，忍受潮湿的空气。伦敦的天气则是天天 gloomy and dreary，但温度很舒服。没有一个地方是十全十美的。

（五）大雨

很久没有看到像现在这样的大雨滂沱。很久没有听到打雷，很久没有看到闪电。伦敦是没有 thunderstorm 的，所以现在感觉很爽。

（六）Jetlag

已经三天了，以为已经摆脱 jetlag 的蹂躏，却仍然和它纠缠不清。或许还需要多几天的时间。

（我现在很想坐在 Takashimaya 的 Coffee Club 一整个下午，喝杯 cappucino，看几米的书，还有看街上的岛国人。）

Adapting

I'm slowly adapting to the temperatures now. Still suffocating though. Went out to get some stuff settled and perspired like mad. Don't think I'm stepping out of my house these few days. Rejected a primary school gathering tonight (Sorry! I'm still suffering from jetlag. Next time bah!)

(My luggage has been found after 36 hours. Finally.)

写在 SQ319 上，还有之后

（一）

心不在焉看了 《21 Grams》 和《魔幻厨房》，结果看到不知道戏在演些什么。或许也是因为昏昏欲睡，只睡了一个小时，然后逼自己醒来试图调整生理时钟。

昨天，到达 Heathrow 看到飞机上的那红白星月国旗，还真的兴奋了好一会儿。还有，终於在九个月后首次听到有人（当然是新加坡人）正确地念出我的 surname，暗自爽了几分钟。现在听孙燕姿的“The Moment”专辑，还有 3 小时 44 分钟，3231 公里，已经飞了大概 7600 公里。

在印度上空
新加坡时间：1018
伦敦时间：0318
当地时间：0748

（二）

反复听孙燕姿，我在飞机上，哭了。

在 Bay of Bengal 上空
新加坡时间：1059
伦敦时间：0359
当地时间：0729

（三）

飞机从 Phuket 一路颠簸到 Langkawi ，跳了好几次，跟我一样兴奋，还有一小时。

新加坡时间：1302
伦敦时间：0602
当地时间：1302
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

然后入境后，check-in 的行李不见了，他妈的。现在一点心情都没有，请别惹我。Jetlag 来了，我现在要睡觉。他妈的。

我回来了。I'm back.

倒数 0
～～回家之前（十二，完结篇）

多几分钟就要前往 Heathrow，倒数即将结束。

房间已经空了，和刚到时完全没有两样，住了九个月后，仿佛没有留下任何我的足迹。

跟这里的人的感情不深，这次的离开好象最容易。

其实，早在两天前就已经在互联网上 check-in。可以做的都做了。只担心行李会超过 30 公斤。

13 个小时困在空中，我还是很难相信自己一个人上次是怎么挨过的。

所以，这次已经决定在 SQ 319 上要看什么电影，要玩什么游戏，要喝什么饮料，要坐哪个位置，要读什么书。

这样一来，13 小时或许会过得快一些。

（倒数不好玩，明年回来时不玩了。）

REVERSE CULTURE SHOCK: The Last and Fifth Stage of CULTURE SHOCK
～～回家之前（十一）

（倒数 4 小时）

Out of the 5 stages, I've experienced all of the first four phases. The fifth one is definitely coming soon. (Read the article below to know more about the 5 distinct stages of culture shock.)

Here's what some other people (from US) wrote about reverse culture shock:

“Basically, this consists of feeling out of place in your own country, or experiencing a sense of disorientation. While everything is familiar, you feel different. Even walking through the airport and hearing American English spoken can be a very surreal experience.”

“My year abroad was a great adventure. It became a 24-hour-a-day obsession to take advantage of where I was, the time I had, and the people with whom I lived. I had never been so continuously stimulated intellectually and personally. It was a letdown to return home.”

“I think that some people feel intimidated because they don’t understand the experiences I’ve had. They don’t know where I’m coming from and can’t grasp how it would be to live somewhere else.”

“I was so much more critical of things that are considered normal in the US once I had adapted to another culture that did things differently. When I was overseas, I ate differently, I looked at time differently, I socialized and studied differently. Once I arrived in America, I felt as though I really didn’t have a home culture anymore.”


I'm actually looking forward to experiencing the last stage. I'm giving myself 7 days to re-adapt to the weather and to recover from my jetlag and 1 whole month to get out of reverse culture shock. Being away for 9 months isn't short.

有开始就需要有结束，这样或许才会圆满。



CULTURE SHOCK: A FISH OUT OF WATER
Written by Elaine Addison

Kalvero Oberg was one of the first writers to identify five distinct stages of culture shock in 1958. He found that all human beings experience the same feelings when they travel to or live in a different country or culture. He found that culture shock is almost like a disease: it has a cause, symptoms, and a cure.

Whenever someone travels overseas they are like "a fish out of water." Like the fish, they have been swimming in their own culture all their lives. A fish doesn't think about what water it is in. Likewise, we often do not think too much about the culture we are raised in. Our culture helps to shape our identity. Many of the cues of interpersonal communication (body language, words, facial expressions, tone of voice, idioms, slang) are different in different cultures. One of the reasons that we feel like a fish out of water when we enter a new culture, is that we do not know all of the cues that are used in the new culture.

Psychologists tell us that there are five distinct phases (or stages) of culture shock. It is important to understand that culture shock happens to all people who travel abroad, but some people have much stronger reactions than others.

STAGE 1: HONEYMOON PHASE

During the first few days of a person's stay in a new country, everything usually goes fairly smoothly. The newcomer is excited about being in a new place where there are new sights and sounds, new smells and tastes. The newcomer may have some problems, but usually accepts them as just part of the newness. They may find themselves staying in hotels or with a home-stay family that is excited to meet the foreign stranger. The newcomer may find that "the red carpet" has been rolled out and they may be taken to restaurants, movies and tours of the sights. The new acquaintances may want to take the newcomer out to many places and "show them off." This first stage of culture shock is called the "honeymoon phase."

STAGE 2: REJECTION PHASE

Unfortunately, this honeymoon phase often comes to an end fairly soon. The newcomer has to deal with transportation problems (buses that don't come on time), shopping problems (can't buy their favorite foods) or communication problems (just what does "Chill out, dude." mean?). It may start to seem like people no longer care about your problems. They may help, but they don't seem to understand your concern over what they see as small problems. You might even start to think that the people in the host country don't like foreigners.

This may lead to the second stage of culture shock, known as the "rejection phase." The newcomer may begin to feel aggressive and start to complain about the host culture/country. It is important to recognize that these feelings are real and can become serious. This phase is a kind of crisis in the 'disease' of culture shock. It is called the "rejection" phase because it is at this point that the newcomer starts to reject the host country, complaining about and noticing only the bad things that bother them. At this stage the newcomer either gets stronger and stays, or gets weaker and goes home (physically, mentally or both).

STAGE 3: REGRESSION PHASE

If you don't survive stage two successfully, you may find yourself moving into stage three: the "regression phase." The word "regression" means moving backward, and in this phase of culture shock, you spend much of your time speaking your own language, watching videos from your home country, eating food from home. You may also notice that you are moving around campus or around town with a group of students who speak your own language. You may spend most of this time complaining about the host country/culture.

Also in the regression phase, you may only remember the good things about your home country. Your homeland may suddenly seem marvelously wonderful; all the difficulties that you had there are forgotten and you may find yourself wondering why you ever left (hint: You left to learn English!). You may now only remember your home country as a wonderful place in which nothing ever went wrong for you. Of course, this is not true, but an illusion created by your culture shock 'disease.'

STAGE 4: RECOVERY PHASE

If you survive the third stage successfully (or miss it completely) you will move into the fourth stage of culture shock called the "recovery phase" or the "at-ease-at-last phase." In this stage you become more comfortable with the language and you also feel more comfortable with the customs of the host country. You can now move around without a feeling of anxiety. You still have problems with some of the social cues and you may still not understand everything people say (especially idioms). However, you are now 90% adjusted to the new culture and you start to realize that no country is that much better than another - it is just different lifestyles and different ways to deal with the problems of life.

With this complete adjustment, you accept the food, drinks, habits and customs of the host country, and you may even find yourself preferring some things in the host country to things at home. You have now understood that there are different ways to live your life and that no way is really better than another, just different. Finally, you have become comfortable in the new place.

It is important to remember that not everyone experiences all the phases of culture shock. It is also important to know that you can experience all of them at different times: you might experience the regression phase before the rejection phase, etc. You might even experience the regression phase on Monday, the at ease phase on Tuesday, the honeymoon phase on Wednesday, and the rejection phase again on Thursday. What will Friday be like?

STAGE 5: REVERSE CULTURE SHOCK

Much later, you may find yourself returning to your homeland and -guess what? - you may find yourself entering the fifth phase of culture shock. This is called "reverse culture shock" or "return culture shock" and occurs when you return home. You have been away for a long time, becoming comfortable with the habits and customs of a new lifestyle and you may find that you are no longer completely comfortable in your home country. Many things may have changed while you were away and it may take a little while to become at ease with the cues and signs and symbols of your home culture.

Reverse culture shock can be very difficult. There is a risk of sickness or emotional problems in many of the phases of culture shock. Remember to be kind to yourself all the time that you are overseas, and when you get home. Give yourself time to adjust. Be your own best friend. If you do these things you will be a much stronger person. If you do these things, congratulations, you will be a citizen of the world!

原来，读书不只是读书而已
～～回家之前（十）

（倒数 14 小时）

我想我这辈子永远无法忘记抵达伦敦的第一周。

曾经很多的未知，已经演变成今天难得的记忆。

从一个小小小小的岛国，来到大大大大的伦敦，转变非常大，而且没有时间让你慢慢调整。好象心理学家 William James 在十七世纪时，形容婴儿出世后面对新世界所说的 "in a buzzing blooming confusion"。

乱。很乱。太乱。

太多的新事物。太少的时间。

就等你一个人死在让人窒息的大城市中。

这才恍悟新加坡有多么地小，小到根本完全彻底地微不足道。

也因此，短短的头几天所发生的所有大小事，都很难忘记。

我记得，我是在清晨五点半抵达伦敦，在 Heathrow 等了老半天，到了中午才等到我的 Minicab 司机。他妈的。

我记得，我的第一餐是 Tesco 的 water cress and egg sandwich，自从那次之后，就发誓再也不会吃同样的 sandwich。实在难下肚，而且价钱一磅多（新币三块多），还是我当时找到最便宜的晚餐。

我记得，我 jetlag 前前后后 lag 了整整三天。很奇怪，乘搭 SQ 322 by right 是不会 lag 的，偏偏我就 lag 了三天。或许是因为在飞机上睡得不够。

我记得，第一次踏出宿舍，自己一个人从 Camden 走路到 Tottenham Court Road 的 Tube Station 和 LT 会面，为了省钱，当时没有搭 Tube，也没有伦敦地图，就凭着知觉，在大城市中迷了路，还绕了 Regent's Park 一整圈（Regent's Park 的面积跟海德公园有的比）。原本只需四十分钟左右的路程，结果前后却花了我一个小时半。

（我还记得有一次去 LT 的家，为了省钱，我竟然从 Camden 走路到 Tower Bridge，前后花了两个小时多，现在觉得自己当时是发疯了。请注意，Camden 在伦敦西北部，Tower Bridge 在东部，乘搭 Tube 也需要至少半个钟头的车程。就好象从 Bedok 走路到 Raffles City 一样。）

我记得，抵达伦敦的首三天，没有棉被，没有 duvet，只有我从新加坡带来的枕头，LT 带我去 Tottenham Court 的 Argos 买，duvet 已经断货，晚上睡觉冷到半死，冷了三晚，结果在 Camden 的 Argos 买到了床单和 duvet，高兴地不得了。

还有很多很多的事，无法说尽。

或许，这都是出国的留学生才能体验得到的。

出国留学之后，才赫然发现，原来，读书不只是读书而已。

出国读书，等同于把你抛进大海里，让你自己自生自灭，让你学习如何不让自己溺毙，然后渐渐享受海的湛蓝。

我很庆幸，自己并没有选择呆在安逸的岛国，太过安逸，脑是会腐烂的，就象很多岛国的学生一样，身在福中不知福。你是其中一个吗？有机会的话，请去国外 exchange。

（我实在同情岛国的大学生们，尤其是 NUS 的学生。自从施ＸＸ教授掌权之后，我就一直 condemn 他。他是怎么做校长的嘛？）

收拾最后
～～回家之前（九）

（倒数 1 天）

好不容易把所有东西挤满了四大箱子，现在只差回国的行李和背包。

走廊越来越空，人都走了七七八八。付出的感情不多，离开或许也容易许多。

差不多了。

（回国后，我肯定我会患上 reverse culture shock。）

失眠

凌晨两点，躺在没有枕头和 duvet 的床上，企图入睡。

然后，辗转难眠。

两个钟头后，天开始亮了。

才四点。

分不清是凌晨还是清晨。

仍然一点睡意也没有。

Please
～～回家之前（八）

All flights in UK (I initially thought only England was affected) were grounded today early morning due to a glitch in the computer system at a control centre near London. Flight delays, disruptions, cancellations...

Operations are resuming now though.

Hope nothing goes wrong this Saturday. I already had a very bad experience at Schizpol Airport (Amsterdam) a few months ago. Flight disruptions aren't fun at all and they disrupt every single other plan.

I don't want to get stranded at Heathrow. Please.

解读城市
～～回家之前（七）

（倒数 2 天）

以游客的心态解读一座城市，和长住于一座城市，原来是迥然不同的。

人往往把长住的城市当作理所当然，直到要离开之前才恍然大悟原来自己并不很了解这座已经住了好几个月或几年甚至一辈子的城市。

然后，在离开之前，尽量了解城市，尽量游走城市，试图挽留一点什么，捕捉一点什么。

前几天，再次去了 Camden Market，还有终于去了 Notting Hill 和 Portobello Market，看到了 Hugh Grant 在戏里的世界。又去了 Four Seasons 花了 15 英磅 （45 新币）吃了全世界最好吃的鸭饭……又想起初到伦敦的震撼：以往只能在 Monopoly 游戏看到的地名，竟然全部在眼睛前跳跃，像 Trafalgar Square, Mayfair, Park Lane, Oxford Street, Bond Street 等等等。曾经的殷切向往，已经变成彩色真实，然后转换成黑白记忆。

很微妙。

所以，回国后决定重新解读岛国。岛国是小，但不至于无处可去，只是被人忽略罢了。

旅行新加坡可能会有意外的收获喔！

（我还想去看一下夏天的海德公园，还有 River Thames。）

错误

很喜欢《错误》，实在棒，这里分享。

《错误》　　郑愁予

我打江南走过
那等在季节里的容颜如莲花的开落

东风不来，三月的柳絮不飞
你的心如小小的寂寞的城
恰若青石的街道向晚
跫音不响，三月的春帷不揭
你的心是小小的窗扉紧掩

我达达的马蹄是美丽的错误
我不是归人，是个过客……