Saturday, May 27, 2006

Oh well...

Final exams have ended two days ago, and I’m really really really glad that the 3 weeks are now over. A frustrating revision period reading the stuff which I like and which I know I cannot continue to pursue. Glorious sunshine that afternoon lifted my mood for a while. But sunshine and happiness is fleeting - it’s now surprisingly getting cold and dreary yet again on a Saturday afternoon today, with the grey clouds hanging unbelievably low in the sky, not like spring, but more like autumn.

I had some time to rest after exams, and I gave myself a few hours off that afternoon after the finalists’ party. I worked so hard, though some exams could have been better in my opinion. But grades don’t really matter much to me now. What’s the difference between getting a First Class Honours and a Second Upper now? Maybe afterall, I’m not fated to go to Stanford to do Masters in a totally different field - Stanford rejected my I-20 request (a required certificate for student visa application) not once, but three times (and it’s still not settled yet). Is God telling me to follow my interest in Psychology?

Walking alone under glorious sunshine (20 degrees that day!) from Euston to Russell Square to Holborn to Covent Garden to Leicester Square to Trafalgar Square, down Whitehall to Big Ben, after which I sat at Parliament Square for 30 minutes writing a letter to my professor, in which I vented my frustrations. I felt so happy and so free that moment. Free in a bustling London.

What’s done has been done and cannot be undone. I’ll just leave everything to fate. And yes, I still need to talk to that bastard at Stanford to sort out my I-20. Americans don’t seem to understand proper English. Oh well…

Sunday, May 21, 2006


Four more days to my last exam, and I’ll be set free!

Summer plans have been more or less confirmed. I’ll be backpacking in Switzerland, Spain and Scotland (hmm… now I realise that they all start with the letter S), before leaving London permanently on the night of July 7th (so that I can attend the memorial service that day). That’s less than 2 months to say goodbye to everyone here. =(

And then I’ll rest for 1.5 days before starting work on July 10th for 2 months. News desk posting has just been confirmed - and this is the first time I’m actually looking forward to working (this is my 5th internship). Well, it’s a new paper, so maybe not much constraints.

And then, I’ll have a break for maybe 1 week before heading to California. Not that excited, surprisingly.

It’s time to return to books now. After Thursday, it’s goodbye to personality, goodbye to emotions, goodbye to memory mechanisms, goodbye to cognition, goodbye to neuroscience, goodbye to mental illness; and it’s hello China, hello Korea, hello Japan, hello politics, hello history, hello economics... Not looking forward but whatever.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

I should have known better...

I should be happy when Harvey wrote me a letter a few days ago, saying that the department is submitting my dissertation for publication in the academic journal, although Harvey said “there is no guarantee that papers we submit will be accepted.”

Lagnado said to me that would be excellent and “you would have something to put on your CV.”

I should be happy, but I’m not.

Instead, I am plainly frustrated.

Haggard said he’s willing to do anything that helps, within his capabilities that can get me out of the bond, so that I can continue PhD in Psychology.

Ah well, I should have known better when I signed my name on that piece of paper 5 years ago. I’ve given up.

Like Harvey said, the accepted publication would probably only “remind me of your time as a psychologist.”

I don’t know what to reply to them.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006


I am truly amazed today by the people who walked out of the exam hall 30 minutes after the exam started. Either their writing speed is phenomenal, or they just couldn’t be bothered (the latter sounds more likely), which is good news for the rest for us. I mean I wrote 16 pages (no line spacing) in 3 hours -- yes my right hand is still trembling now -- and I still couldn’t finish what I want to answer. How can they finish 3 essays in 30 minutes? Yeah, good, these people should all fail. Yah, I’m evil and sadistic. But I need the first class honours. Let the competition begin. All who have shown efforts (at least all of us who sat through 3 hours) should all be rewarded.

On another note, I still can’t believe forensic psychology came out on the clinical psychology exam today. What’s wrong with the lecturers?