Choice & Approval

Choice & Approval

I’ve finally made my choice.

Now, I’m just waiting for SPH to approve.

Hope all goes well.

Ben’s

Ben’s

房间堆了 15 盒 Marks & Spencer 的 Triple Chocolate Crunch （备考需要大量能量，每两天就可以吃完一盒），还不满足。结果，又跑去买了一盒买五送二的 Ben’s cookies 。我在想，在多三个月，就要和吃了三年的 Ben’s 和 Hampstead crepes 说再见，真的不知道如何是好。刚发现美国只有 Salt Lake City 有 Ben’s ，虽然如此，以后总不能像现在一样走路到 Ben’s 就可以吃到了。或许，我是应该选比较靠近 Ben’s 的大学。西岸比较靠近吧？

曙光

曙光

温度终于升级到两位数。伦敦的大学生涯明天正式结束。考试战役随即展开。一切也（几乎）尘埃落定。不过，我还在踯躅犹豫，旧金山，还是曼哈顿，我知道我迟早会看见曙光。

What's the point?

What’s the point?

I decided to take a break and turned on the TV after reading Brewin’s DR Theory of Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Coincidentally, Channel 4 was showing the documentary “The Falling Man” on the September 11th tragedy.

“There’s no blood, there’s no guts, it’s just a man falling,” a survivor said in response to Richard Drew’s photograph of the falling man, after which he broke down.

“It was more than grief,” the program described the psychological impact the trauma had on the survivors…

Then everything I had read just flood back… SAM and VAM, HPA axis, amygdala, LeDoux’s findings, flashbacks, EMDR, imaginal rescripting, Foa’s theory… I was surprisingly able to relate all these to the program…

But what’s the point?

I realise I am still extremely frustrated at not being able to do what I really want after finishing my psychology degree.

What’s the point of knowing how to carry out cognitive behaviour therapy? What’s the point of knowing that benzodiazepines can quell some PTSD symptoms? What’s the point of knowing the differences between Type I trauma and Type II trauma? What’s the point?

I feel like giving up…

More than 8 months

More than 8 months

Time flies. This has been my desktop picture for more than 8 months.

I really really really miss Peru.

I'm looking forward to re-visiting it next year, or even this December if I do decide to go to the US for Masters. Hopefully plans will work out. :)

Viva Peru!

Classic shot at Machu Picchu

To maintain

To maintain

I know I need to only repeat my second-year performance, and I’ll be on cloud nine.

But I now realise that it is extremely difficult and demanding to maintain abilities.

It’s still possible, I guess.

I still have time.

Bad and good news all in one day

Bad and good news all in one day

Two pieces of news came today.

The bad one came first, in the afternoon.

I got rejected from my 1st choice.

Obviously, I was disappointed the whole day.

Till 5 minutes ago.

Another email came from my 2nd choice, which I thought would be another bad one, since all I had received so far were bad news.

“You were accepted into the M.A. program.”

On second thought, could it be a typo?

I’ll wait for the official letter to come.

谢谢

谢谢

大家都说没关系。H 说：“忘了吧，更好的还没来。”但愿如此。谢谢大家的关心。

哦，H 说他在五月要回来伦敦度假，这才发现，九个月已经过去了，好快。期待我们的相聚。

一切恢复平庸

一切恢复平庸

原来，失望和忧郁是可以区分开来的。

说不失望，的确，只失望了十分钟，却闷闷不乐了一整天。

于是，老天也为我哀悼，阳光明媚的大晴天，气温并不太低，有摄氏五六度，却忽然飘起细雪，下了几分钟，而且只在 Hampstead。

尤其凄美。

我知道我需要的是一个人的心灵静谧。

所以，晚上一个人跑去看一直想看的 The Producers （这个月的第四出音乐剧）。

郁闷在三小时的喜剧后，烟消云散。

走出剧场，特意经过最喜欢的 Covent Garden ，格外清爽。

一切恢复平庸。

＊顺便说，直到昨晚，我才知道我会多么想念伦敦的夜。