Friday, October 28, 2005

有一种感觉

有一种感觉

在繁华拥挤的城与市之间,穿梭彳亍,震耳迎来的只是令人毛骨悚然的阵阵静谧。

在喧嚣中,只能做垂死的挣扎,苦命了解生存的最后意义,甚至理由。

然后,把自己隔离开来,在布莱顿石滩上的冷冷清清中是寻寻觅觅的开始,得到的是凄凄惨惨的恍然大悟,还有恍恍惚惚的辛酸。

英吉利海峡送来的只是秋天的萧瑟凉意。

落寞和孤寂本来就不应该是旅游的心情。

这一切,究竟是为了什么?

~~~~~
注:布莱顿的英文名为 Brighton,是英国东南部靠海的城市。布莱顿海边有的是独特的石滩,海浪声与一般的沙滩不同。

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Possible

Possible

The Program Administrator says one year is possible and in recent years, a number of Singaporeans have managed to complete it in one year. She added that if my Chinese language skills are sufficiently advanced, then I “should certainly be in a position to complete the degree in one academic year.”

Chinese is definitely not a problem. What’s worrying me more is the requirement of switching between both languages, which I am still not quite comfortable with, even after so many internships.

But I really do like the wide variety of the courses available at H University. There is even a full module on learning Cantonese from scratch.

However, she said that they can only confirm after I have received an offer and only after I have matriculated. So, now I have to think of ways to convince my sponsor… and then make sure I get an offer…

Friday, October 21, 2005

Painful Process

It helps having only a few hours of lessons per week. At least I have ample time to do my psychological research and to complete my applications to graduate schools. They seem to be on the right track currently: I am almost ready to run my experiment on people, I only need to change some experimental variables. Applications wise, everybody is giving me their support, and I really feel pampered and lucky.

Letters of recommendation

I was discussing with Professor H regarding his letter of recommendation, and I told him frankly, “I really have no idea how you are going to write since I am not doing Science anymore, but am applying for a Humanities programme.” But he reassured me, “Don’t worry, I’ll write all the flattering stuff. I’ll make sure nothing goes wrong. I’ve got your CV, your academic records, your draft statement of purpose to Harvard… everything will be fine.” (By the way, Harvard’s program is a 2 year course, SPH won’t allow and I’m just applying for fun. Will negotiate with SPH if I do get in.)

Just when I am still dissatsified with my third draft of the statement of purpose, he added, “Your statement looks good. Really helps me in writing my reference.”

And then he asked me when the deadline is. I said “Late December, early January.”

He replied without hesistation, “I will finish the reference by next week.”

My second referee, Dr L, was also very supportive and he said, “You know what, my PhD was in Philosophy, maybe I can write that in and say that I know the qualities and skills required to do a Humanities subject and that you possess these, to make my reference more convincing. Moreover, I am switching to do Psych now, so I don’t see why you cannot switch also.”

Dr L then added, “I am going to the US next month, visiting Berkeley and other universities, and will be meeting some senior professors. I’ll get their opinions on how to recommend and what admissions committee in the US usually look for, and see what I can write for you.”

My third referee, Mr C from Zaobao, was the first person I approached and he instantly agreed to write a reference for me. I still cannot forget his four words “全力支持”, when I first made the request when I was still interning in September. I am counting on his reference since it should be the most relevant to the course I am applying.

I really don’t know how to thank them.

Statement of Purpose

I have already spent 3 weeks on this and I am still not satisfied, and am working on my fourth draft. What makes this task worse is that different schools have different requirements. So, I am writing 2 versions for different schools. The US ones are fine, the UK ones are disastrous. Cambridge initially wanted a short piece not more than 720 characters long. Note that it's not words, but characters, including spaces. I was wondering if they want me to use bombastic vocabulary and idioms? Just when I finished and managed to condense my original statement of 800 words to 719 characters (about 100 words), Cambridge said they want 4 pages instead. I almost want to kill myself when I read that from their email.

But I am thankful that friends have been critical and giving me their comments. Dr L even edited my second draft. So all the more, I shouldn’t let them down and myself down.

GRE

This is the worst nightmare I suppose. I am confident in my essays and the maths section, but not the verbal part.

J took the test recently and he said he might have to retake because he did not get 800 for maths. I said, “HUH? 770 for Maths and a total of almost 1500 still not good enough?”

J explained, “Applicants who got in to that course in that university got a minimum of 800 for maths.” (the maximum score one can get is 800).

I almost fainted on the spot.

In that case, do I need to get 800 for my verbal?

But I seriously do reckon that I have to retake the test, since I haven’t started preparing at all.

J said he had never seen most of the words in his life.

H.M said mugging might help. Well, I just printed out the word list.

But I've got only 5 more days.

Help!

Saturday, October 15, 2005

旅行瘾

身边的每个人都在为功课忙碌,我却整天想要去哪里玩。那天订了去 Prague 还有 Budapest 的飞机票,然后一口气又订了去 Brighton 和 Canterbury 的车票。现在除了在策划埃及的行程,也在勤读英国还有欧洲的 Lonely Planet,打算在近期内又收拾背包去法国和德国旅行。现在想去 Munich 附近的 Neuschwanstein 城堡,还有法国的 Lyon 和 Nice 和 Cannes。我还想去 Arles 看梵高的那间咖啡座。本来也想去希腊,可是机票贵得离谱,只好暂时放弃。英国呢,最想去 Lake District 还有 Cornwall。当然还有 Scotland 的 Loch Ness。

我已经打算考完 GRE 还有完成报考研究所的程序后,每天都去旅行,除了星期二和四上课以外。

因为我恐怕,我在欧洲的时间不多。现在不去,不知道要等到几时?

可是,去 Peru 的三千多英磅的旅行费(我到现在还没有计算到底花了多少)还没有赚回来,现在口袋又要破大洞。

我也不管这么多。钱本来就是要拿来花,这样才对得起钱。

很多人在问,我是来读书还是来旅行的?

我直接说,我是来旅行的。

这就是每个星期只上 4 小时课惹的祸。

Monday, October 10, 2005

The Other Side & The Light

这是一篇没有连贯性的 post。

"Somewhere Only We Know"
by Keane

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me?
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

*****

Keane 的这首歌和整张专辑已经永久储藏在我脑袋里,挥之不去。Keane 来自英国,而我这张专辑却是在秘鲁的库斯科市场买的。

可能大家都在英国生活,歌词要引起我的共鸣一点都不困难,我越听越喜欢。

那天,终于好不容易用我仅剩的西班牙文回复以前在秘鲁教我西班牙文现在人在爱尔兰的老师的电邮。怎么才两个月,我的西班牙文和Quechua 已经忘了七七八八?Quechua 可是很漂亮的语言,我看我明天会去 Waterstones 买 Lonely Planet 的 “Learn to Speak Quechua” 的语言指南。

这几天一直呆在家,因为伦敦的乌云在空中越飘越低,把我压得越来越紧。

在家也不错,有条忠心的狗陪我,第一天见面是在今年五月,看到我就吠个不停;现在整天看着我煮菜,吃饭。看它这么乖,我就喂它,它还会舔我表示谢意。有时侯,我在想人是不是连狗都不如?

那篇命名 “Statement of Purpose” 的文件,前几天已经打算写了。现在,过了几天后,荧幕仍然是空着的,只打了以上那三个英文字。

Neil 那天来我的豪宅,看到我去年在大学考第一的信,说这点可以写进去啊。我说,他们会不会觉得我很不要脸。我在想,我心理学考第一又怎样,我又不可以报考心理学的 Masters Program,因为某人不让。所以,我只好报其他的课程,所以我到现在只打了那三个字。

不过,整个系一百多人,我考第一是挺高兴的啦,能把所有英国人压在我脚下,不要以为新加坡人只有数学、工程好,人文科目,我们也不赖,看你们英国人还敢不敢瞧不起我们。

写了这么多,全部都是废话,考第一又怎样,越想越气,真想不报算了。

“If only I don't bend and break
I'll meet you on the other side
I'll meet you in the light
If only I don't suffocate
I'll meet you in the morning when you wake”

我在想,我是不是可以看到 "The Other Side" 和 "The Light" ?

现在只有 Keane 的歌可以给我一点安慰。

*****

Bend & Break
by Keane


When you, when you forget your name
When old faces all look the same
Meet me in the morning when you wake up
Meet me in the morning then you'll wake up

If only I don't bend and break
I'll meet you on the other side
I'll meet you in the light
If only I don't suffocate
I'll meet you in the morning when you wake

Bitter and hardened heart
Aching waiting for life to start
Meet me in the morning when you wake up
Meet me in the morning then you'll wake up

If only I don't bend and break
I'll meet you on the other side
I'll meet you in the light
If only I don't suffocate
I'll meet you in the morning when you wake

If only I don't bend and break
I'll meet you on the other side
I'll meet you in the light
If only I don't suffocate
I'll meet you in the morning when you wake

I'll meet you on the other side
I'll meet you in the light
If only I don't suffocate
I'll meet you in the morning when you wake

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Final Year in London

This is almost definitely my last year staying in London.

I love London but I love Hampstead more, so much so that when I touched down, I immediately had Hampstead crepes for my first meal.

And I love my new place. I’ve got my own TV cum DVD player, kitchen, fridge, oven, gas stoves, rice cooker, pans, 1 small sofa, 3 chairs, 1 big cushion, 1 fireplace, bathtub, 1 comfortable bed, few bottles of wine, 3 flavours of Whittard Hot Chocolate powder, 4 different kinds of coffee powder (Cappuccino, Mocha, Latte and double chocolate coffee) and many different kinds of tea (Coca Tea from Peru, Ginseng Tea from Korea, Chrysanthemum Tea and Herbal Tea from Singapore). And I just got my internet connection set up in my bedroom, which took an entire week to complete the installation. And just opposite me is Hampstead Heath. The creperie is just 5 minutes away. What more can I ask for? (I’ll possibly put up a few pictures of my place soon.)

To top it up, I have only 3 hours of lectures per week this term, and the rest of the time is dedicated to my research work.

It sounds too good to be true, yah?

Now that I’ve done practically nothing and just stone in Hampstead since arrival in London, the past 10 days has been a well-deserved break after the hectic schedule from late May to late September, so hectic that I only managed to meet up with 2 friends back in Singapore.

It’s time for me to get the engine started again.

A few major things are going to take place concurrently.

Research work for my dissertation is on the right track currently. I’m still in the process of designing my experiment which should be ready for testing in a few days’ time.

Applying for graduate school is one big headache and time-consuming indeed. I’ve gotten my financial letters from SPH and I finally booked my GRE which is scheduled on October 26th. I expect to retake it, especially because I haven’t started preparing yet. Who knows I might have to take it when I’m in Egypt in December? I’ve filled up the basic details for some graduate schools' applications online. I’m left with the Statement of Purpose, CV/resume, Research Proposal, transcripts and letters of recommendation (Shen Jiang has kindly to write one out of the three required, so I need to source for two professors in university). And Oxford needs 2 extra pieces of recent written work, which I don’t have, so I might just give up applying to Oxford. So basically, I need to sort out the above for 5 universities I’m applying to (Cambridge in UK and four others in the US) and the deadline isn’t far ahead. By the way, the application fees are freaking expensive.

And I’ve also booked my air tickets to Cairo after Christmas. I need to plan my itinerary for Egypt and then to source for my air tickets to Prague and back from Budapest for the Eastern Europe trip I’m undertaking prior to Egypt as well.

That’s a preview of my life for the next few months.

回来后,我想念的竟是秘鲁的天气。

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

一个

我很久很久没有这么久没有 update blog 了。因为太忙,我连睡觉的精力都没有,这才发现原来睡觉也需要很多的力气。

回到伦敦已经十天,不过先写一些报馆工作的事。先声明以下的文字可能会很不要脸。

*****

工作的最后一天,君琴审完稿后,对我说:“你这篇新闻写得很好嘞,新闻组织得很好,把各要点放在对的地方……”“你以后一定要回来这里……”

深江说:“你在早报实习的时候,也是早报采访团队向你学习的时候。”他接着说:“我会大力争取你来早报。不过你以后要 indicate ,不然我上去人事部争取,然后你放别的报就不好了。”

天明说:“小兄弟,今天你最后一天,谢谢你的帮忙,以后要申请回来早报。”

德婷说:“你到底还有几年才读完?先祝你一路顺风。”

谷一说:“我们不用争取啦,你一定被派来这边。”

早报采访组 5 位主任,同一个意思,不管他们讲的是不是真的,我还是听了很爽,因为实习了 4 次,从来没有主任这样直接对我说过。

晚报主任崇文说:“我还以为你已经毕业了,回来作正式的了。早报以前的那个主任从来不给实习生这样多机会。”

副刊主任佩卿姐那天看到我,笑着对我说:“现在终于看到你的人了,整天看到你的 byline ,为什么没有回去副刊找我们?”

我听了这些人讲的话,心里越听越爽。

*****

回来后,我重新温习伦敦。

那天,经过学校毗邻的爆炸所在地,看到地上在事隔三个月后仍然摆了几束花,不过全部已经枯萎。

除了这样,伦敦并没有任何异样。完全没有。

不知情的人,根本看不出伦敦发生过爆炸事件。

我也和其他伦敦人一样,照常搭巴士、地下铁。

7 万个伦敦人,一个伦敦。