都一年了，感觉还是和过去一样非常强烈，真正明白这种感受的或许只有H和W和其他几个人了。
过去一年，我常常告诉自己，要学习习惯岛国的所有，可是到头来还是无法习惯，或许只是麻木而已。
我曾跟L说了我的累，没有多加解释她就直点头说明白，还说：“这样才有活着的感觉。”
或许，理想和现实之间总是有落差的。
进入第二年，我需要学习的是，如何在现有限制中尽量找寻逝去的快乐和乐观。
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Saturday, January 03, 2009
伦敦，为什么我会怀念你
偶然看到这篇文章，很是感动，深知自己是无法回到以前的日子了，只好把简单的文字摘录在这里。
《伦敦，为什么我会怀念你》
英国《金融时报》中文网特约撰稿人王昉 2008-11-21
写下这个标题的时候，我坐在住了一年半的伦敦北二区的顶楼小屋里。生活如常，我还没有要离开这个城市。
就在今天早晨，我和一个国内朋友网聊时说，我已经将近十天没有见到阳光了，伦敦已经彻底沦陷在了冬日无边无涯的萧瑟阴郁之中。来英国之前听说有人因为天气太 差而移民，我觉得真是小题大作。现在我不仅完全理解，而且比英国人更加不能自持，每日像祥林嫂一般念叨着阴晴。当连续第十个早晨拉开窗帘又是一片晦涩的阴 雨天的时候，我觉得我离抑郁不远了。
就在今天中午，一位英国同事邀请我下了班去喝一杯，这是本周收到的第三次邀请。仗着和他关系不错，仗着他们英国的天气影响了我的心情，我忍不住发了一通牢骚。请问你们为什么要这样嗜饮呢就因为平常你们都太拘谨只有几杯下肚才能let loose敞开心扉正常交际吗。请问没有比在寒冬中一人手执一瓶站在酒吧门外哪怕冻得瑟瑟发抖也要喝冰冻啤酒更人性更有趣的娱乐方式吗。你们英国人的饮酒量在过去四十年翻了一番这样不好不安全不健康知道吗。
很多时候伦敦总是在这里或那里得罪着我。比如令人绝望的天气，比如必须一脸严肃地宣称“我对酒精过敏”才不会因为点个果汁而被人耻笑，比如贵到匪夷所思的物价，比如没有手机信号的地铁，比如傍晚六点就关门的百货商店。刚来时一个英国朋友问我对伦敦的看法，我说，这个城市就像女演员中的一种，要在某个特定的时刻，从某个特定的角度看过去才觉得入眼，其它时候你都在困惑她究竟好在哪里。
伦敦自然有它可爱的地方，比如它无所不包的博物馆和永远精彩的舞台，比如它的历史感，比如伦敦人的幽默与自嘲。很多人说伦敦和北京相似的 一点是待得越久越喜欢。对这种说法我一直持怀疑态度。这就好比一个媒人介绍对象时说，此人毛病多多，但相处久了就习惯了一般不能让人信服。
可是，就在今天晚上，在不那么经意的一个瞬间，我心底突然被伦敦小小地牵动了一下，随之竟涌起一种尚未离开已经怀念的奇妙感觉。这种感觉越来越强烈，发展成一种不可遏止地要将它记录下来的冲动。
准确地说，这个瞬间发生在我回家的路上，我刚在伦敦政治经济学院听完了一场讲座。主讲人是个来自苏格兰的金融历史学家，现执教哈佛，讲座的主题是货币和金融危机。整个讲座妙趣横生，末尾的一段最为精彩。他说，各位，中国和美国的关系不就像一对夫妻，一个负责赚钱，一个负责花钱吗。台下大笑。他说，如果没有中国人的储蓄，就不会有眼下这场从美国蔓延到全球的金融危机，我们要去向何方，在很大程度上取决于一个词：Chimerica —— 这是他的首创，是把中国和美国的英文名字捏成了一个词。
在回家的路上想起这段话，我不禁微笑了起来，而我对伦敦忽然而至的依恋也就产生在了这个瞬间。还能有这样一个地方吗，它的大学可以邀请到这个世界上最智慧的头脑，最多元的言论，并且毫无保留地对公众开放，热切地邀请任何感兴趣的人 一起进行思想的碰撞。还能有这样一个地方吗，你可以接触到对你以为已经熟知的祖国这般新鲜的，迥异的看法，说者或褒或抑，听者自行评断。还能有这样一个地方吗，我每隔三五天就要禁不住诱惑，下了班空着肚子跑进学校听两个小时讲座，人满了听不上的时候还要沮丧好一阵。
和很多旅居海外的中国人一样，我时常抱怨生活在异乡的寂寞。这并不一定是独处的寂寞，更多的是脱离了一整个熟悉的家庭和社会网络，失去座标一脚悬空的寂寞，是既然这国不是我的国，这家不是我的家，我为谁奋斗，成功了又与谁分享的寂寞。来了英国才明白什么叫作发达社会，那是一种一切都上了轨道，一切都尘埃落定的感觉，这常常令我无比怀念国内热气腾腾的，不论什么都可能发生，都正在发生的日新月异。我从来没有改变过回国的决心，和朋友聊天也总是说，与其远远祝福她，不如回去建设她。可是慢慢的，我开始有了一点困惑，我终于走到了这座围城的墙角。
一个在伦敦住了五年的朋友说，他初到此地最强烈的感受，是手机突然安静了。国内呼朋唤友的喧嚣戛然而止，取而代之的是必须独自打发的长夜和周末。对此我感同身受。最近和一个国内来访的朋友聊天时我说，回了国我一定要住市中心，让朋友围着暖着，弥补我这儿冷清的生活。这位朋友露出难以置信的神色说，回了国就怕你饭局party多到躲也来不及，你最大的梦想就是找个地方一个人待着。原来寂寞真的有它的美丽。回了国，我还有空捧着书在咖啡馆坐一个周日的下午吗，我还有心情下了班跑去大学听讲座吗，我会不会觉得如眼下这般花一 个晚上写可有可无的字纯属浪费时间？
最近和一个刚在英国名校读完硕士的朋友吃饭，问起她的近况。她说毕业之后她为一个慈善机构工作， 这个机构给她提供一套免费住房，外加每周不到七十镑的生活津贴，她必须节俭地生活，可是吃得饱穿得暖，而且很有成就感。我问她可想回国，她说回是肯定要回的，可是一旦回去，就要卷入为钱为房子奋斗的洪流了，别说家人朋友不会允许，就连她也不能允许自己再如眼下这般生活了，所以，还是要等她干一段自己想干的事情再回去。的确，回了国，我也要加入这滚滚洪流了吧，与众人一样奋力向前，如果泳技不佳，我会焦躁不安吗，我可以允许自己落后吗？
刚来伦敦的时候，碰到过一个水管工。他在我们约好的某日下午五点准时出现，穿着笔挺的制服，头一件事是拿出一份公司文件让我签名。大致意思是：你家住在三楼以上，如果有类似爬高爬低可能损害我们员工人身安全的要求，我们的员工可以拒绝接受。签了名，开始干活修管子。一个小时后，眼看就快搞定，水管工拍拍裤腿收拾工具起身要走。我大惊，问他就差这么一点儿不能干完再走吗，超出的时间我可以付钱。他说，六点收工是公司规定，如果破例会引起工会不满，你可以致电公司再约时间。这事成为我向人控诉伦敦服务业之低效的经典案例，末尾总要加上这充分体现了帝国主义腐朽没落之类的感叹。慢慢地，习惯了这边劳力的昂贵，习惯了就算有钱也不一定买得到他乐意，我发现这就是为什么在伦敦，即便是所谓底层的劳动人民，比如搬运工或者清洁工，也总是衣着整洁腰杆笔挺。贵是贵了，慢是慢了，但反而叫人珍惜起他们的服务来。是要最高效的经济增长，还是追求社会的平等尊严，伦敦选择了后者。回到国内，我还能真正从内心深处平等地对待一个水管工吗？即便我可以，他可以生活得有保障，有自信，以他的职业为荣而不是在人家之前自己先矮了一头去吗？
和好几位在伦敦生活了多年的中国朋友聊天，问他们最喜欢这里什么，一个词出现的频率最高：安全感。开始我不解，什么安全感？走在北京上海的街头也很安全啊。直到国内的毒奶粉事件出 现，我终于开始明白，这是指对食物的质量，对生活的环境，对政府的政策，对自己的财产，对假定一觉醒来不会发生变化的事物，一觉醒来果然没有发生变化的安全感。前几天去参加BBC四台现场直播的Any Questions节目，主持人Jonathan Dimbleby从1987年开始主持这档节目，每周四晚八点准时出现在电波中，二十一年后依然妙语连珠毫无疲态。英国的很多传统就和它的房子一样，动不 动就有上百年了。安全感就是知道公司餐厅每周五必定供应炸鱼和薯条，就是知道每周三中午首相布朗一定要和反对党领袖在议会对轰一番，就是知道社区里那家医 院那家学校十年以后还没被拆掉还会是那家医院那家学校。
和国内的朋友接触，总是觉得国内急剧的发展就好像一驾风驰电掣的列车，它呼啸着毫不留恋地向前飞奔，好像急于摆脱什么。在伦敦一个细小的政策变化可以让公众和政府你来我往辩论上大半年，而在国内再重大的公众事件吸引眼球也超不过三五天。可是这样的速度难免让人有隐隐的担心，那就是，这车上的螺丝都拧紧了吗？前方的轨道扳正了吗？如果发现了问题，刹车还来得及吗？一位朋友说：在国内我们的很多政策、我们设定的很多生活目标，都是针对未来两三年的，而英国人总是在为未来五十年一百年做打算，这源自他们的安全感，他们对火车不会出轨的信心。
作为一个老牌帝国主义国家的首都，伦敦是不是在走向衰败一直是讨论的话题，但不能否认的是，它曾经辉煌过、见识过、经历过、也阵痛过。这就是为什么它不免时常要带着居高临下的口吻评价我们这些世界经济舞台上的初来乍到者。不久前我和报社里一位英国同事有过一场争论。他写了一篇批评中国交通政策的文章，指出政府对环保轿车没有明显的倾斜，讥讽中国消费者仍对大排量车趋之若鹜，建议我们还是回到自行车年代。我说，你可以批评政府的政策，但不能批评老百姓开车的愿望，你可以帮助我们发展更好的车，而不是剥夺我们拥有的权利。他想了想，过了一会儿回来对我说：你说的对。改过的稿子里，已经拿掉了自行车的段落。可是事后我回头想，这就好像一个上了年纪的人对一个年轻人说，你不要做这个或那个，因为我有过惨痛的教训，而没有亲历过又心高气傲的年轻人却很少会心存感激地接受教导一样。伦敦在减排方面的政策的确要严苛得多，政府不遗余力地鼓励自行车和公众交通，任何一个来伦敦出差的中国朋友在领 略了这里的蓝天白云和清新空气之后恐怕都不会对此提出异议。
写到这里我发现，虽然伦敦永远改造不了我拒绝酒精的胃，却已经在不知不觉 中重塑我的思维。对先前居住过的几个城市，我总是到离开之后开始惦念，想起它种种的好。终于这一次，我学会了在离开之前体味和欣赏伦敦之美。纵然我还是要常常抱怨，纵然我还是会离开，我会不时想起今晚回家路上我突然微笑的这一个瞬间。在这个瞬间伦敦打动了我。
尽管她有点傲慢，有点拘谨，刻板而不那么圆通，但是她优雅守礼，幽默而克制，乐于包容，崇尚真知灼见。伦敦，这就是为什么我会怀念你。
《伦敦，为什么我会怀念你》
英国《金融时报》中文网特约撰稿人王昉 2008-11-21
写下这个标题的时候，我坐在住了一年半的伦敦北二区的顶楼小屋里。生活如常，我还没有要离开这个城市。
就在今天早晨，我和一个国内朋友网聊时说，我已经将近十天没有见到阳光了，伦敦已经彻底沦陷在了冬日无边无涯的萧瑟阴郁之中。来英国之前听说有人因为天气太 差而移民，我觉得真是小题大作。现在我不仅完全理解，而且比英国人更加不能自持，每日像祥林嫂一般念叨着阴晴。当连续第十个早晨拉开窗帘又是一片晦涩的阴 雨天的时候，我觉得我离抑郁不远了。
就在今天中午，一位英国同事邀请我下了班去喝一杯，这是本周收到的第三次邀请。仗着和他关系不错，仗着他们英国的天气影响了我的心情，我忍不住发了一通牢骚。请问你们为什么要这样嗜饮呢就因为平常你们都太拘谨只有几杯下肚才能let loose敞开心扉正常交际吗。请问没有比在寒冬中一人手执一瓶站在酒吧门外哪怕冻得瑟瑟发抖也要喝冰冻啤酒更人性更有趣的娱乐方式吗。你们英国人的饮酒量在过去四十年翻了一番这样不好不安全不健康知道吗。
很多时候伦敦总是在这里或那里得罪着我。比如令人绝望的天气，比如必须一脸严肃地宣称“我对酒精过敏”才不会因为点个果汁而被人耻笑，比如贵到匪夷所思的物价，比如没有手机信号的地铁，比如傍晚六点就关门的百货商店。刚来时一个英国朋友问我对伦敦的看法，我说，这个城市就像女演员中的一种，要在某个特定的时刻，从某个特定的角度看过去才觉得入眼，其它时候你都在困惑她究竟好在哪里。
伦敦自然有它可爱的地方，比如它无所不包的博物馆和永远精彩的舞台，比如它的历史感，比如伦敦人的幽默与自嘲。很多人说伦敦和北京相似的 一点是待得越久越喜欢。对这种说法我一直持怀疑态度。这就好比一个媒人介绍对象时说，此人毛病多多，但相处久了就习惯了一般不能让人信服。
可是，就在今天晚上，在不那么经意的一个瞬间，我心底突然被伦敦小小地牵动了一下，随之竟涌起一种尚未离开已经怀念的奇妙感觉。这种感觉越来越强烈，发展成一种不可遏止地要将它记录下来的冲动。
准确地说，这个瞬间发生在我回家的路上，我刚在伦敦政治经济学院听完了一场讲座。主讲人是个来自苏格兰的金融历史学家，现执教哈佛，讲座的主题是货币和金融危机。整个讲座妙趣横生，末尾的一段最为精彩。他说，各位，中国和美国的关系不就像一对夫妻，一个负责赚钱，一个负责花钱吗。台下大笑。他说，如果没有中国人的储蓄，就不会有眼下这场从美国蔓延到全球的金融危机，我们要去向何方，在很大程度上取决于一个词：Chimerica —— 这是他的首创，是把中国和美国的英文名字捏成了一个词。
在回家的路上想起这段话，我不禁微笑了起来，而我对伦敦忽然而至的依恋也就产生在了这个瞬间。还能有这样一个地方吗，它的大学可以邀请到这个世界上最智慧的头脑，最多元的言论，并且毫无保留地对公众开放，热切地邀请任何感兴趣的人 一起进行思想的碰撞。还能有这样一个地方吗，你可以接触到对你以为已经熟知的祖国这般新鲜的，迥异的看法，说者或褒或抑，听者自行评断。还能有这样一个地方吗，我每隔三五天就要禁不住诱惑，下了班空着肚子跑进学校听两个小时讲座，人满了听不上的时候还要沮丧好一阵。
和很多旅居海外的中国人一样，我时常抱怨生活在异乡的寂寞。这并不一定是独处的寂寞，更多的是脱离了一整个熟悉的家庭和社会网络，失去座标一脚悬空的寂寞，是既然这国不是我的国，这家不是我的家，我为谁奋斗，成功了又与谁分享的寂寞。来了英国才明白什么叫作发达社会，那是一种一切都上了轨道，一切都尘埃落定的感觉，这常常令我无比怀念国内热气腾腾的，不论什么都可能发生，都正在发生的日新月异。我从来没有改变过回国的决心，和朋友聊天也总是说，与其远远祝福她，不如回去建设她。可是慢慢的，我开始有了一点困惑，我终于走到了这座围城的墙角。
一个在伦敦住了五年的朋友说，他初到此地最强烈的感受，是手机突然安静了。国内呼朋唤友的喧嚣戛然而止，取而代之的是必须独自打发的长夜和周末。对此我感同身受。最近和一个国内来访的朋友聊天时我说，回了国我一定要住市中心，让朋友围着暖着，弥补我这儿冷清的生活。这位朋友露出难以置信的神色说，回了国就怕你饭局party多到躲也来不及，你最大的梦想就是找个地方一个人待着。原来寂寞真的有它的美丽。回了国，我还有空捧着书在咖啡馆坐一个周日的下午吗，我还有心情下了班跑去大学听讲座吗，我会不会觉得如眼下这般花一 个晚上写可有可无的字纯属浪费时间？
最近和一个刚在英国名校读完硕士的朋友吃饭，问起她的近况。她说毕业之后她为一个慈善机构工作， 这个机构给她提供一套免费住房，外加每周不到七十镑的生活津贴，她必须节俭地生活，可是吃得饱穿得暖，而且很有成就感。我问她可想回国，她说回是肯定要回的，可是一旦回去，就要卷入为钱为房子奋斗的洪流了，别说家人朋友不会允许，就连她也不能允许自己再如眼下这般生活了，所以，还是要等她干一段自己想干的事情再回去。的确，回了国，我也要加入这滚滚洪流了吧，与众人一样奋力向前，如果泳技不佳，我会焦躁不安吗，我可以允许自己落后吗？
刚来伦敦的时候，碰到过一个水管工。他在我们约好的某日下午五点准时出现，穿着笔挺的制服，头一件事是拿出一份公司文件让我签名。大致意思是：你家住在三楼以上，如果有类似爬高爬低可能损害我们员工人身安全的要求，我们的员工可以拒绝接受。签了名，开始干活修管子。一个小时后，眼看就快搞定，水管工拍拍裤腿收拾工具起身要走。我大惊，问他就差这么一点儿不能干完再走吗，超出的时间我可以付钱。他说，六点收工是公司规定，如果破例会引起工会不满，你可以致电公司再约时间。这事成为我向人控诉伦敦服务业之低效的经典案例，末尾总要加上这充分体现了帝国主义腐朽没落之类的感叹。慢慢地，习惯了这边劳力的昂贵，习惯了就算有钱也不一定买得到他乐意，我发现这就是为什么在伦敦，即便是所谓底层的劳动人民，比如搬运工或者清洁工，也总是衣着整洁腰杆笔挺。贵是贵了，慢是慢了，但反而叫人珍惜起他们的服务来。是要最高效的经济增长，还是追求社会的平等尊严，伦敦选择了后者。回到国内，我还能真正从内心深处平等地对待一个水管工吗？即便我可以，他可以生活得有保障，有自信，以他的职业为荣而不是在人家之前自己先矮了一头去吗？
和好几位在伦敦生活了多年的中国朋友聊天，问他们最喜欢这里什么，一个词出现的频率最高：安全感。开始我不解，什么安全感？走在北京上海的街头也很安全啊。直到国内的毒奶粉事件出 现，我终于开始明白，这是指对食物的质量，对生活的环境，对政府的政策，对自己的财产，对假定一觉醒来不会发生变化的事物，一觉醒来果然没有发生变化的安全感。前几天去参加BBC四台现场直播的Any Questions节目，主持人Jonathan Dimbleby从1987年开始主持这档节目，每周四晚八点准时出现在电波中，二十一年后依然妙语连珠毫无疲态。英国的很多传统就和它的房子一样，动不 动就有上百年了。安全感就是知道公司餐厅每周五必定供应炸鱼和薯条，就是知道每周三中午首相布朗一定要和反对党领袖在议会对轰一番，就是知道社区里那家医 院那家学校十年以后还没被拆掉还会是那家医院那家学校。
和国内的朋友接触，总是觉得国内急剧的发展就好像一驾风驰电掣的列车，它呼啸着毫不留恋地向前飞奔，好像急于摆脱什么。在伦敦一个细小的政策变化可以让公众和政府你来我往辩论上大半年，而在国内再重大的公众事件吸引眼球也超不过三五天。可是这样的速度难免让人有隐隐的担心，那就是，这车上的螺丝都拧紧了吗？前方的轨道扳正了吗？如果发现了问题，刹车还来得及吗？一位朋友说：在国内我们的很多政策、我们设定的很多生活目标，都是针对未来两三年的，而英国人总是在为未来五十年一百年做打算，这源自他们的安全感，他们对火车不会出轨的信心。
作为一个老牌帝国主义国家的首都，伦敦是不是在走向衰败一直是讨论的话题，但不能否认的是，它曾经辉煌过、见识过、经历过、也阵痛过。这就是为什么它不免时常要带着居高临下的口吻评价我们这些世界经济舞台上的初来乍到者。不久前我和报社里一位英国同事有过一场争论。他写了一篇批评中国交通政策的文章，指出政府对环保轿车没有明显的倾斜，讥讽中国消费者仍对大排量车趋之若鹜，建议我们还是回到自行车年代。我说，你可以批评政府的政策，但不能批评老百姓开车的愿望，你可以帮助我们发展更好的车，而不是剥夺我们拥有的权利。他想了想，过了一会儿回来对我说：你说的对。改过的稿子里，已经拿掉了自行车的段落。可是事后我回头想，这就好像一个上了年纪的人对一个年轻人说，你不要做这个或那个，因为我有过惨痛的教训，而没有亲历过又心高气傲的年轻人却很少会心存感激地接受教导一样。伦敦在减排方面的政策的确要严苛得多，政府不遗余力地鼓励自行车和公众交通，任何一个来伦敦出差的中国朋友在领 略了这里的蓝天白云和清新空气之后恐怕都不会对此提出异议。
写到这里我发现，虽然伦敦永远改造不了我拒绝酒精的胃，却已经在不知不觉 中重塑我的思维。对先前居住过的几个城市，我总是到离开之后开始惦念，想起它种种的好。终于这一次，我学会了在离开之前体味和欣赏伦敦之美。纵然我还是要常常抱怨，纵然我还是会离开，我会不时想起今晚回家路上我突然微笑的这一个瞬间。在这个瞬间伦敦打动了我。
尽管她有点傲慢，有点拘谨，刻板而不那么圆通，但是她优雅守礼，幽默而克制，乐于包容，崇尚真知灼见。伦敦，这就是为什么我会怀念你。
Thursday, December 25, 2008
生日幸福
今年的生日是离开岛国五年后第一次回来庆祝的生日。过去五年都在国外度过，03年在意大利的米兰，04年留在伦敦，05年在捷克的布拉格，06年和07年在美国的加州。
已经忘了在岛国度过的生日是怎么样了。
其实，准确说，今年的生日也在国外度过。通心粉给了我意外的惊喜，特地带我到民丹岛去，可惜老天爷不怎么合作，不过和通心粉在乌云密布的沙滩上手牵手，我已经很满足，还是有无法言喻的快乐。
说真的，OreO在哪里过都无所谓的，生日对我来说，也不是很重要的日子。只要有通心粉在身边，即使在让人窒息的岛国度过，我也会觉得很快乐的。简单的快乐，是金钱买不到的。
通心粉说，她从来没有想过，自己会觉得如此幸福。“这种感觉让人既开心又忐忑。忐忑，是因为不知道自己凭什么得到这样的幸福，害怕会失去。”
OreO从来也没想过会这么幸福，有时感觉很缥缈，却又是那么的实在。真的很庆幸10年前能认识通心粉，一直到现在。
OreO只能向通心粉承诺，只要我还在，她就不会失去这样的幸福。
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
通心粉又让OreO傻笑了。。。
昨天公共假期虽然得做工，但因为通心粉的两句话，我还是高兴了一整天，还好办公室的人不多，不然看到了OreO时不时无端端在傻笑，还以为OreO发神经了。
然后我问她到底想念我什么。通心粉只对OreO说：“我不知道，就知道想念看到你，还有抱你。”
我也不知道要回说什么，只跟通心粉说了简单的我也一样想你，然后就打开手机里的照片，看通心粉和OreO在沙滩上的合照。
就这样，OreO觉得好幸福，好幸福。这样的感觉持续了几个月了，此时此刻还是这样觉得。
我想，通心粉也和OreO一样，这样觉得的吧。
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
10个月过去了⋯⋯
好久好久没有更新blog了⋯⋯一眨眼，10个月就这样过去了。
感觉上这10个月就这样从弹指间悄悄飞逝，或许就像爱因斯坦所说的吧：“你坐在一个漂亮姑娘旁边，坐了两小时，觉得只过了一分钟；如果你紧挨着一个火炉，只坐了一分钟，却觉得像过了两个小时。这就是相对论。”
现在，我的时间越过越快，从来都没有这样快过，不过，我喜欢⋯⋯ :-)
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
忘了Singlish的声音
回来岛国后，只休息了五天，就上班了。。。你说某机构残不残忍？到目前为止，只做了十天的工，就有两天从8:30am工作到11pm。。。:(
日复一日，时间过得超快，回来岛国已经快三个星期了，但是我还在属于适应阶段。单单语言方面，就很辛苦，在法庭听审，听了很辛苦才听懂被告、法官、律师、主控官在说什么。原来，我已经忘了Singlish的声音了。。。我想我还需要很长的时间才能重新适应岛国的Singlish。。。
Monday, January 07, 2008
一月九日回到岛国
只剩一天了，这几天的天气却坏得不得了，前两天在旧金山碰到我在美国一年半以来最糟的天气，强风把雨伞变成窝囊，雨下个不停。昨天回到斯坦福之后哪里也去不了，所以只好呆在宿舍里，胡思乱想的时间也就多着。心情跟窗外的豪雨一样。。。
脑海里一直浮现几位老板最近对我说过的几句话。一是深江几个月前的那句“回来了啊？For good?”另一个是慧玲比较酸的“外国生活太好啊？为什么这么久还不回来”的几句话。又一个是君琴比较直接的“为什么今年没有回来实习？”还有Connie的“今天这样难得看到你，你到底要托到几时？”还有其他同事和朋友的“挂念”，就没有必要再这里重复了⋯⋯
我想到这些，也不知道要以怎样的心情反应。脑海里竟变得空白。
也无所谓，反正我真的要回来了。
郑重宣布：本人一月九日清晨抵达岛国；一月十四日上午正式上班。
（想到上班，就想作呕。）=p
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Home for good...
旧金山湾区的电台一直重复播放这首 Daughtry 的歌，和自己的心情写照竟然差不到哪里去。和Daughtry 一样，我们都不曾后悔我们为自己选择的这一条路，只不过加利福尼亚终究不是属于我们的（当然还有其他客观因素），所以我们最后还是踏上回家的旅途。
我终于要回家了。For good...
"Home" by Daughtry
I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.
Well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.
The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, it makes true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.
So I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.
Oh, well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
回家的跫音
2008年了，我仿佛已经听到自己回家的跫音。论文写完了，硕士课程结束了，是时候和斯坦福说再见了，是时候和加州的阳光告别了。
说实在的，我并不期待岛国的阳光。可是，离开了四年半，是终究要回去的。我真的要回家了。这次，逃不了了，避不过了。我真的要回去离开四年半的家，回到离开四年半朋友的身边，回到似曾相识的一草一木。
我对于未来是害怕的。害怕自己不能适应，害怕自己无法融入，害怕体验自己失去空间和自由的束缚。。。
回家的脚步越来越近，我的心也越来越忐忑。。。。。。
～～～
＊还没离开，我就开始想念在美国公路驰骋的快感。自己过去十多天一个人开了2230 miles （3600km）的车，累是当然的，但竟然还很享受。不知道什么时候还能以85 miles per hour （140 km per hour）的速度来回游走。
说实在的，我并不期待岛国的阳光。可是，离开了四年半，是终究要回去的。我真的要回家了。这次，逃不了了，避不过了。我真的要回去离开四年半的家，回到离开四年半朋友的身边，回到似曾相识的一草一木。
我对于未来是害怕的。害怕自己不能适应，害怕自己无法融入，害怕体验自己失去空间和自由的束缚。。。
回家的脚步越来越近，我的心也越来越忐忑。。。。。。
～～～
＊还没离开，我就开始想念在美国公路驰骋的快感。自己过去十多天一个人开了2230 miles （3600km）的车，累是当然的，但竟然还很享受。不知道什么时候还能以85 miles per hour （140 km per hour）的速度来回游走。
Friday, December 07, 2007
终于写完了！
花了两个多月的时间，终于写完了。。。我的硕士论文写完了！第一次写这么长的东西，总共130页，一共3万454个字。哈哈，教授还说：“Excellent Thesis. Congrats!”呵呵。
写论文实在是个折磨人的差事，没有经历过的人是永远不会明白的。真的不知道以后怎么写博士论文。
Monday, December 03, 2007
Chasing Cars
A song that I really like that perpetually repeats on the SF Bay radio...
Chasing Cars
by Snow Patrol
We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Chasing Cars
by Snow Patrol
We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
How to Save a Life
Another song that repeats on the radio, as often as I repeat to read the words I wrote in my not-yet-completed thesis.
"How to Save a Life" by Fray
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
"How to Save a Life" by Fray
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Hey There Delilah
Another simple yet catchy song that repeats on the radio in the Bay Area...
"Hey There Delilah" by Plain White T's
Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true
Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me
Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good
Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame
Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.
"Hey There Delilah" by Plain White T's
Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true
Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me
Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good
Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame
Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Collide
This song keeps repeating on STAR 101.3 while driving on the 101. Hmm... actually so do many other songs.
"Collide" by Howie Day
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah
I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide
Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
"Collide" by Howie Day
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah
I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide
Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
Monday, November 05, 2007
Thursday, November 01, 2007
My First Earthquake Was Like A Phantasmagoria
About 20 hours ago, I experienced the first earthquake in my life.
The quake struck on October 30th 2007 at 8.04 PM, Pacific Time (Singapore Time: October 31st 2007, 11.04 AM).
I just left my house and was on my way to the Meyer Library, when things around me seemed to start shaking.
I had a cold that morning and so, I thought I was hallucinating. I thought I was dizzy.
So, I continued to walk to the library, dismissing the tremors as my personal phantasmagoria.
And when I arrived at the library, people’s reactions confirmed that it was an earthquake.
Things around me were really shaking.
This 30-second earthquake measured 5.6 on the Richter Scale. In other words, it was a moderate earthquake, with slight damage to buildings possible.
This is the largest earthquake since the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake which killed 62 people throughout Northern California, injured 3,800 people and left more than 12,000 people homeless.
We later found out that the epicenter of this quake was on the Calaveras Fault in the Diablo Range foothills nine miles northeast of San Jose, i.e., miles away from Stanford.
Even so, the quake still managed to rock the University and sent shock waves across campus.
More than three dozens aftershocks followed the quake, the largest registering magnitude 3.7, and only happened just a few minutes ago.
The University was quick to respond, reassuring students that the situation was under control. No reports of damage on the Stanford campus were documented. Neither were there reports of death and serious injuries throughout the bay area from San Francisco to San Jose.
This quake, to some people like my Cantonese professor, is a harbinger that might herald the arrival of a much larger earthquake, possibly quakes similar to that of those which struck in 1906 and 1989.
To others, yesterday’s quake is a reminder of so many faults lurking beneath a large population. To name a few famous faults, there are the San Andreas Fault and Hayward Fault - I’m sure you have seen these names in your Geography textbook.
The Hayward Fault is currently perceived to be the most dangerous in the San Francisco Bay Area. Scientists give the Hayward Fault a 27 percent chance of a magnitude - 6.7 or greater quake - higher odds than its storied neighbor and California’s best known fault, the San Andreas Fault.
And so, a big earthquake in the next year or so, or even the next minute, is not impossible.
And we are all prepared for it.
All new incoming students at Stanford are trained on what to do should an earthquake occur.
Oh well, this was a new experience, at least for me.
It still seemed a bit surreal…
~~~~~
(This was a post for OMY. Please go to http://blog.omy.sg/campusworld/ for the original post with pictures and video.)
The quake struck on October 30th 2007 at 8.04 PM, Pacific Time (Singapore Time: October 31st 2007, 11.04 AM).
I just left my house and was on my way to the Meyer Library, when things around me seemed to start shaking.
I had a cold that morning and so, I thought I was hallucinating. I thought I was dizzy.
So, I continued to walk to the library, dismissing the tremors as my personal phantasmagoria.
And when I arrived at the library, people’s reactions confirmed that it was an earthquake.
Things around me were really shaking.
This 30-second earthquake measured 5.6 on the Richter Scale. In other words, it was a moderate earthquake, with slight damage to buildings possible.
This is the largest earthquake since the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake which killed 62 people throughout Northern California, injured 3,800 people and left more than 12,000 people homeless.
We later found out that the epicenter of this quake was on the Calaveras Fault in the Diablo Range foothills nine miles northeast of San Jose, i.e., miles away from Stanford.
Even so, the quake still managed to rock the University and sent shock waves across campus.
More than three dozens aftershocks followed the quake, the largest registering magnitude 3.7, and only happened just a few minutes ago.
The University was quick to respond, reassuring students that the situation was under control. No reports of damage on the Stanford campus were documented. Neither were there reports of death and serious injuries throughout the bay area from San Francisco to San Jose.
This quake, to some people like my Cantonese professor, is a harbinger that might herald the arrival of a much larger earthquake, possibly quakes similar to that of those which struck in 1906 and 1989.
To others, yesterday’s quake is a reminder of so many faults lurking beneath a large population. To name a few famous faults, there are the San Andreas Fault and Hayward Fault - I’m sure you have seen these names in your Geography textbook.
The Hayward Fault is currently perceived to be the most dangerous in the San Francisco Bay Area. Scientists give the Hayward Fault a 27 percent chance of a magnitude - 6.7 or greater quake - higher odds than its storied neighbor and California’s best known fault, the San Andreas Fault.
And so, a big earthquake in the next year or so, or even the next minute, is not impossible.
And we are all prepared for it.
All new incoming students at Stanford are trained on what to do should an earthquake occur.
Oh well, this was a new experience, at least for me.
It still seemed a bit surreal…
~~~~~
(This was a post for OMY. Please go to http://blog.omy.sg/campusworld/ for the original post with pictures and video.)
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Wake Me Up When September Ends...
都已经是十月中旬了，我还在睡和醒之间游走。。。我须要在应该清醒的时候清醒，沉睡的时候沉睡。。。
"Wake Me Up When September Ends" by Green Day, live @ the UK
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends
Like my fathers come to pass
Seven years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends
Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends
Ring out the bells again
Like we did when spring began
Wake me up when September ends
Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends
Like my father's come to pass
Twenty years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends
"Wake Me Up When September Ends" by Green Day, live @ the UK
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends
Like my fathers come to pass
Seven years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends
Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends
Ring out the bells again
Like we did when spring began
Wake me up when September ends
Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends
Like my father's come to pass
Twenty years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends
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